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to have seduced h nand now want to take the morning after pill

(23 Posts)
addictedtomn Mon 14-Sep-09 11:16:35

tbh i think i am, but hey ho

h had a, well i guess an emotional affair, he never actually slep with another woman, but he really wanted to. he told me and were working through things.

now all week i've been really horney and a vibrater just wasnt touching it! so last night i seduced my h and we didnt use protection.

now its not the best enviroment to bring a child in to, so to be sure that we dont i wantto take the morning after pill.

h has gone off in a huff, mpartly because i managed to seduce him, (he was very resistant, but i know my h!) and partly because i want to take the pill, he feels that i could be killing a potential child before its had a chance to start growing.

so AIBU?

i can take it, i know i was selfish and unfair on him, but AIBU?

RubysReturn Mon 14-Sep-09 11:18:52

Not sure what your relationship is, but I generally think that it is better if babies are planned and wanted.

Mamazon Mon 14-Sep-09 11:20:26

how ridiculous.
its a contraceptive. it is no different to using any other form (though of course not to be used too often)

YANBU to want to take the repsonsible step of taking the MAP.

addictedtomn Mon 14-Sep-09 11:21:04

sorry i should havce said that before this all happand, we were trying for a baby, but its been put on hold because want to bring a child in to a happy home and i want a happy pregnancy, not an environment like the one were in

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 14-Sep-09 12:00:17

Lost my well thought out message so, here goes again.
YANBU to want to take the MAP.
YABU and manipulative if this man was reluctant to be seduced but you carried on anyway. I think and I may be wrong, that he is in another relationship. If that is the case you need to move on and find an available shag. If it isn't the case, you need to buy some condoms just in case there is a next time.

duelingfanjo Mon 14-Sep-09 12:02:14

He's talking Rubbish re 'killing a child' and he probably knows that. You want to be with him? Does he even want to be with you?

flockwallpaper Mon 14-Sep-09 12:04:10

It's up to you, how would you feel now if you did take it / didn't take it? If you want to take the MAP, the earlier you take it the better. consider where you in your monthly cycle - if it is regular.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 14-Sep-09 12:08:38

I'm not sure how you seduced him if he wasn't willing and why you didn't use protection - that was very silly. But now it's done and you should do what feels right to you. MAP is just another type of contraception and not killing anything (IMO) so he's being ridiculous about that, but it's your body and your choice. Just get on with it, I know a couple of people who have got pg after taking it on day 2 or day 3.

InMyLittleHead Mon 14-Sep-09 12:09:03

YANBU to want to take the morning after pill if that's what you want. Just because you and your husband had sex, doesn't mean you have to get pregnant from it.

Of course, if he's going to get arsey about it you could just tell him you won't take it but take it anyway - problem solved. Although I am sure others will say that this is really underhand and sneaky... but considering he just had an 'emotional affair' I think you're justified. Also him being cross because you seduced him and also cross because you don't want to get pregnant from it are mutually contradictory.

PrincessToadstool Mon 14-Sep-09 12:10:42


Take the MAP, it is a contraceptive, not a fucking 'baby killer' - he sounds like a knob

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 14-Sep-09 12:14:45

Well said princess. I hadn't realised that H was an abbreviation of husband. It so easily could have been Hadrian. Agree with what every one else has said. MAP not a killer of babies it is emergency contraception. though shouldn't be used too often, so to reiterate, buy some condoms.

LovelyTinOfSpam Mon 14-Sep-09 12:15:53

Unless he is a devout roman catholic or has otherwise expressed these views previously he is talking out of his arse.

mumeeee Mon 14-Sep-09 12:17:58

Sorry I think yabu.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 14-Sep-09 12:19:09

mumeeee - why?

EyeballsintheSky Mon 14-Sep-09 12:28:05

I think you're all being a bit harsh on him. The OP has said they were trying for a baby at one point so it's no surprise that he feels like this. Actually, I think the OP is the one behaving like a bit of an arse. Maybe taking precautions at the start might have been an idea? It all sounds too casual and if God forbid it had been the DH that pestered her for sex and then hadn't organised any contraception you'd all be slating him.

That said, of course if you want to take the MAP that's up to you, but you're playing with him and that's a shitty way to behave.

mumeeee Mon 14-Sep-09 12:35:00

It's just that I don't agree with the morning after pill and I actually agree with the Op's husband. If she was a tenager than yes I think the MAP would be ok. But the Op is married and she had sex without protection and she should take her husbands feelongs into consideration.

addictedtomn Mon 14-Sep-09 12:39:18

its not that he didnt want to be seduced, he kept saying that it wouldnt do our relationship anyt good.

eyeball i completly agree with you, i know that i have been selfish and unfair on him, and the reason we didnt use contraception is because we were trying for a baby so dont have any.

he does want to be with me and we are slowly working through things. i dont think lyeing to him about the map is going to do any good, but i am going to take it. i just wnated other people to tell me i had been stupid, selfish and shitty and now need to do something about it.


addictedtomn Mon 14-Sep-09 12:40:54

mumeeee, do you really think its fair to potentially bring a child in to a completly screwed up relationship?

BitOfFun Mon 14-Sep-09 12:41:54

It doesn't really matter what anybody else thinks, tbh. Including your husband if he is in all likelihood involved with someone else. Take the pill if that is your instinct, sooner the better, and stop begging him for sex he doesn't want and try and sort out what is going on between the two of you.

addictedtomn Mon 14-Sep-09 12:45:07

sorry pressed post too quickly

me and h can barley have a conversation with out arguing, but are working throuhgh it with councelling. our situation is not going to improve anythime soon, ther is just too much there for it to just dissapear, that being said we both still love each other and want the relationship to work.

if i was to get pregnant now, i would for the childs sake leave him and just have a friends relationship for the sake of the child, which wouldnt be fair on us.

so in my head taking the map would help us to carry on moving forward so that we can get to a place in the future where we can bring children in to a happy realtionship.

surley that would be better?

EyeballsintheSky Mon 14-Sep-09 12:45:43

That's the first time anyone has said thank you to being called an arse wink. Take the MAP if that's what you want to do as it is ultimately your choice. Then put your granny knickers on and padlock them till you've sorted yourselves out!

addictedtomn Mon 14-Sep-09 12:46:25

i know bitoffun, i guess i just want reassurance

BitOfFun Mon 14-Sep-09 12:46:49

If that's what you think, then go ahead and get one- fannying about on here will delay you taking it and risk making it ineffective.

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