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I don't think I am, usually I self doubt, but need to check and get ideas

(8 Posts)
BethNoire Sun 13-Sep-09 15:07:21


So, ds1, 9, has only one friend as he has Aspergers. He goes there, friend comes here, all nice- I ensured friend's mum knew about the diagnosis early on.

I went to collect Thursday and DS1 and friend were playing several minutes walk from the house, out of sight and hearing of friends parents: besides a roadside- a quiet one but a road nevertheless.

DS1 says he thought it was OK as they were playing outside a TA's house and had popped in and out. But he knows he cannot go out alone- he gets DLA because of his unpredictability and it is an absolute no-no.

I'm not feeling angry at Mum becuase she's Eastern European and I have a feeling that I should have double checked whether she understood me as I know her English isn't great- I am though a bit hmm as I would never let a child visiting here out without checking with the other parents (nobody here plays out, no safe areas really and too many pubs etc- just not a culture of it).

I've said to ds1 that friend will have to come here for the foreseeable future but do I let him back? I don't particularly want to approach her over it as ds1 doesn't have any other friends and I dont want to have him further alienated. WWYD?

HigherThanAWombat Sun 13-Sep-09 15:53:12


foxinsocks Sun 13-Sep-09 15:57:53

let him come to you for a bit

when they ask him to go round next, pop in for a cuppa and explain the situation to her

(wouldn't make a huge scene in front of ds about it though because you don't want it to be a major issue iyswim)

ib Sun 13-Sep-09 16:07:20

Different cultures have very different approaches to child supervision, so the fact that you wouldn't do it and there isn't a culture of it around where you live doesn't mean that she was BU, iykwim.

You could try telling her that because of his diagnosis you need to be extra careful, while trying not to sound like you are criticising the way she is dealing with things?

cory Sun 13-Sep-09 16:15:50

what ib said

if she comes from another country and did not understand about your ds's diagnosis, then it probably would never occur to her that a 9yo wouldn't be allowed to play out of doors

BethNoire Sun 13-Sep-09 16:49:26

Yes, that's why I didn't want to get 'heavy'. It's difficult to pop in though as she always takes him straight froms chool, will have to see if I can get him early one day as I know her route and might be able to intercept.

Earlybird Sun 13-Sep-09 16:56:30

Agree with suggestions of IB about speaking to the other Mum.

As you say your ds 'knows he cannot go out alone', could he take a little responsibility for himself and assert what he is and isn't allowed to do?

Forgive me if that is a completely silly suggestion, as I don't know much about Aspergers.

BethNoire Sun 13-Sep-09 17:02:54

Early it'snot a silly suggestion no, but he won't do it- although he could he dosn't like the rules and will do anything to get out of them- he quite often runs away from home if we dare tell him to do something however tiny (doesn't go far but scares me every time).

He's incredibly willfull, and if he wants it he does it- has no empathy whatsoever.

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