to be pissed off at DH ,

[drlove8]

i went out with friends on friday night.. hadnt been on a girls night for ages .kids were in bed before i left house just after 9pm. Did all the dancing aroung the handbag thing until the club shut, went for chips.... waited for ages in taxi cue, droped friends off first . finally got in about 4am ish. had paracetamol and water , went to bed.
Got up with kids at 8am ,(hangover from hell)
DH , told me to go back to bed for a couple of hours
, before he went out to watch football
Had lovely much needed sleep..DH woke me before he left for pub, was meeting his mates up there .he does this quite a bit.
Before he left he told me he'd be back for dinner.
FAIR ENOUGH. i enjoyed a lovely day with twins doing mum-child stuff. gets to 6 pm - kids are wanting their dinner, so phones DH to see what hes wanting to eat , his phones going to answer machine....it does that because he cant get a signal in the pub.
So i leave it ten minutes to see if
he appears , no show- phone pub this time ( ive started making kids tea by now), and ask to speak to him. he starts shouting "i cant hear a thing-hello -hello "- barmaid could hear me fine . I hang up. 15 mins later he phones our house.So i ask him what he's wanting for his tea and tell him ive already fed kids as they were starving ,and couldnt wait on him any longer...HE doesnt answer....so i tell him just make your own tea when you get in then...
ive hurt my arm btw, and cant lift anything. hso ive got the rest of the kids helping me lift the twins in and out of the bath.... am very annoyed by 8 pm - DH still not home . get twins bedtime snack and settle them in their rooms ..so i phones DH at pub again and ask him to go stay at his mums as i cant be arsed with him being very drunk and waking up the kids and pawing at me.(which he usually does).He can hear me fine this time ,.and says he cant -hasnt got his keys.he comes in and goes to bed.
he's just up and is wanting to take DS1 IN CAR TO FOOTBALL TRAINING !!!! FUCKING TWUNT IS STILL DRUNK.

[HeliumBee]

No YANBU - how stupid is he? Drunk driving - ooh really attractive idea esp with his children in the car - nice.

[drlove8]

ive told him he gets in car im phoning police. he's phoned a taxi . stupid twunt of a man.. ive been arguing with him already .... 10 hours drinking bender is not right - he seems to think its the same as me going out friday night.... wtf???

[MIAonline]

YANBU

From what you have said, there is so much to be annoyed with.

Is he usually like this?

[diddl]

YANBU to expect him not to drive when drunk.
But don´t really understand why you kept phoning at pub about his tea time.

[MIAonline]

Well unless you went out on Friday, telling him you would be back in a couple of hours, then didn't contact him, then pretended you couldn't hear when he phoned you and then attempted to drive the DC the next morning when still drunk, then I can't see the similarities myself

[groundhogs]

If you are miffed with him for thinking he can drive the kids after a skinful the night before, YANBU.

But if you are miffed cos he's gone to pub, had a few on the fly... when he gave you a morning off that very day, for the very same reason.... Then YABU, and potentially shooting yourself in the foot.

It's give and take, you can't go out on the lash and chain him up to the house, or he won't wanna give you a night off, or a couple of extra hours in bed ever again.

Count yourself lucky, I've only ONCE been able to go back to bed, and can't see it happening too far in future...

[mustrunmore]

Ok, I can see your point about the driving... no way... and the not knowing whether he was coming back etc. He shouldve let you know , by text if he couldnt phone. Thats just courtsey at the least.

But, and I'll probably get shot down in flames for this, give him a break. Sometimes going out does turn into something longer. Sometimes you just get carried away enjoying yourself. You had a night out, and he gave you some sleep time the next day.

I never assume dh would eat with the kids, as cant rely on busues to get back from work or gym at a specific time, plud he eats diffrent food as he's in training again. Its easier to just feed the kids, especially as they have tea early.

[drlove8]

He's a nice bloke most of the time - when he drinks too much he turns into a selfish self centred twunt.
im [angry} beyond explaining at him wanting to take our boy out in car whilst he drunk.
taxi's just came and theyve left. am going to hide car keys before he gets back.
Im annoyed and irritated that he couldnt phone me to tell me he wouldnt be home in time for dinner.... that a lack of respect imo.
Im annoyed that he can be so stupid to be drinking for 10 hours and not eat during that time.
One of his friends is newly single - his wife left him on account of him spending too much time in pub drinking..... guess who he was with?.
men are stupid!

[drlove8]

I dont have an issue with him having fun socialising. Everyone needs to have "me time" , you cant just be a parent ...you have to be a person too.
I phoned to see what he wanted to eat.... usually do ,or he phones and asks if we can have x or y ,because i end up cooking two different meals if i dont...its not usually an issue .

[diddl]

Is he a child that you need to worry about his eating?

Isn´t it up to him if he skips a meal?

[drlove8]

No he's not a child diddl , but it is a pita when he comes in drunk at 10 pm wanting me to cook for him when he's missed dinner, when i just want to go to bed.... if he'd get a takeaway it wouldnt bother me.... but he only eats certain foods( really fussy).

[beanieb]

YANBU to be worried about the drink driving thing but unless this is a regular thing I think YABU to be really pissed off for ages about it as you both got your night out.

As far as the foods thing goes, if he's fussy then let him sort his own food out if he wants some.

[diddl]

But I assume if he has chosen to stay at the pub rather than come home for a meal, and then returns drunk at 10pm you don´t cook for him, and leave him to sort himself out.

[drlove8]

He has done this before. quite a few times, and tbh its wearing.
I dont know if there is such a thing as a "binge-alcoholic" but its a pretty good description for DH.
diddle if i dont make him his tea, i get huffs and sulks for days.... im also afraid he'd burn the house down if he leaves chip-pan on. He's put tea towels on ceramic hob when its been on before.
whats a txt message?nothing, he wouldnt have to leave his mates then, but its too much effort.

[MIAonline]

I don't think it is too much to ask to be told that he has decided to stay out longer when you are at home looking after all the children.

As a a parent, we have responsibilities, going out is fine, but it is just showing respect for our partners to let them know we won't be back as intended or be able to help with bedtime. Especially in your case, when as you say, you need more help currently because of your arm.

[elmofan]

hi , i think most men forget to come home when they get together & they also don't like having to phone home as they slagged from their mates about having to " check in" iykwim , ts very annoying though when you are at home waiting for hours , yanbu

[SerendipitousHarlot]

I can completely understand the driving this morning thing. Completely. He's being an arse.

But phoning the pub looking for him? I would go ballistic if dh did that to me. He's not a child.

[SolidGoldBrass]

You are right to be pissed off at him wanting to drive while drunk. You are also right to be pissed off at the fact that, if he comes home drunk he demands both domestic and sexual service, and wakes up the children.
I can understand him being pissed off at your persistent phone calls as well, though especially as he hadn't complained about your night on the lash.
However, I think (when hangovers and strops have subsided) you need to make an agreement that you are both entitled to your nights out without nagging from the other, but also if he either of you is going to be longer than expected/agreed you a) send a text to say 'don't wait up' and b) look after yourself WRT meals.

[hatesponge]

Agree that the driving thing is not on, so YANBU in that respect- albeit that I know my Ex has driven like this many times (not with the DC in the car I would add) because me asking/telling him not to made no difference.

As for the going out, not coming home on time etc, obviously it depends on how your relationship runs, but whenever Ex and I went out separately, we came back when we were ready - I would never dream of phoning him on a night out & vv, so for me YABU in chasing him up.

In your position, I would have cooked dinner for the family, left DH's on side, & if he isn't back til later, he can put it in the microwave & warm it up then! But then I would never cook separate meals, in my house we all have to eat the same (& if anyone doesnt like it, they go without! )

[drlove8]

ok so im being a bit of a boiler when i phone him at pub.... need to stop that. ... he did say once to phone pub if i couldnt get him on his mobile.... but the genral thing its a no-no .
IM NBU for the wanting to drive-still drunk.
i just dont get why he didnt txt me/phone to tell me he`d changed his plans.HE said he would be back at dinner time, i wouldnt have bothered if he didnt say.
think i will stop cooking for him altogether. will save the bother, might stop washing his clothes and picking up after him too as well. lets see what he does.

[drlove8]

thanx everyone for talking sense into me ! x

[diddl]

If he regularly drinks for hours when he does drink, then I wouldn´t bother to figure him into mealtimes on those days.

But well done for not lettng him drive!