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to not understand myself? totally am btw, ridiculous really. think i need a drink

(18 Posts)
booyhoo Sat 12-Sep-09 21:37:37

nice lady lives in my cul de sac, very kind to ds.

a few weeks ago ds got himself locked in a neighbours house (long story. anyway, there was me and owner of house standing outside door trying to talk ds through lots of different ways to get himself out. he was complying. so nice lady sees what is going on and comes over. i step back and let her go to the door and she does exactly what i was doing. ds gets door open and i thank her and tell ds to do the same. i was grateful, but i was doing the same thing and it would have come to the same conclusion so why did i take a back seat and let her do it?

then today 2 older kids came and tattled on ds for doing something naughty. i asked ds and he said he did so we went outside to put right his wrong and nice lady came out and said she didnt think ds had done it. i asked if she had seen who did . she said no but she didnt think it was ds and that the other two children had a habit of blaming other kids for their mischief. so she crouches down and asks ds who did it and saying its ok noones going to get in trouble, just tell me who did it. and i find myself saying, ds you tell nice lady who it was. again letting her take over. ds did say again that it was him and she took his hand and started helping him clean up. what is wrong with me? she is a lovely lady and she means no harm whatsoever, i am glad that there is someone looking out for ds but why do i just let her take over like that? i dont let anyone else do that, not even my mother so why do i let her?

fidelma Sat 12-Sep-09 21:53:50

She sounds good with children and seems to like your ds I would not worry.She sounds like she could be a possitive influence in your lives.We do not need to be the only ones in control of our dc.Often other people have good advice.including our mothers (but not always!)listen to your instinct.

booyhoo Sat 12-Sep-09 21:58:29

i think you're right i would completely trust her with my children and i probably step back because i know she'll do a better job than i would do. it's just strange because i dont even know her surname, never been in her house. im probably just so used to thinking i always know best, but really sometimes oter people do.

BitOfFun Sat 12-Sep-09 22:00:12

Just relax a bit - it sounds like she is trying to help.

SixtyFootDoll Sat 12-Sep-09 22:08:50

Some people just have 'a way' with children, I dont think she is taking over, she just is very good maybe at communicating with little ones?
Sounds like she has taken a shine to your son.

booyhoo Sat 12-Sep-09 22:09:12

i know she is bof, its not her i have the issue with, its my own actions, ive never been the type to let anyone else step in like that. i'm just surprised at myself that i do with this lady. it's a new experience for me grin

PrettyCandles Sat 12-Sep-09 22:12:53

She probably has the sort of charisma that a good teacher has - almost unnoticeable, but totally commands your attention.

If she's likely to be a substantial influence in your family's life, it might be a good idea to get to know her better.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Sat 12-Sep-09 22:12:59

Can I just say - regardless of this lady - well done to your ds for owning up for doing the "naughty" thing. I know it would have been better if he'd told you himself, but it would have been easy for him to lie, especially as the lady would have backed him up from the sounds of it!

I'm firmly of the opinion that it takes a village to bring up a child, it's good for your ds to learn that adults are looking out for him and that he can go to someone other than you if he's in trouble. smile

fidelma Sat 12-Sep-09 22:18:55

Good advice from all. why don't you invite her in for a coffee so you can get to know her.

booyhoo Sat 12-Sep-09 22:26:34

TAF ds does things and totally forgets he has done them,he's 4, and he was outside all day so i dont know what time of the day he did it at. the kids only came to me when i was bathing ds this evening, so i imagine it had completely escaped him that there was anything to tell. he always owns up when asked because he knows i dont tolerate lies.

i would like to get to know this woman better but she seems to have a very definite group of friends in the area, her children are both grown up. i dont imagine she would find much to interest her with regards to me and mine. i would feel as though i was imposing on her. i am very appreciative of her looking out for ds and agree it takes a village to raise a child.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Sat 12-Sep-09 22:55:07

Aww, I'm sure she would love it if you invited her in for a coffee (or a glass of wine in the evening! wink) - she's obviously taken a shine to your ds, and he seems to respond well to her. I wouldn't be surprised if you found out that she was a teacher or a nanny or something?

You sound lovely btw, I wish you were my neighbour! grin

booyhoo Sat 12-Sep-09 22:59:41

thank you taf, although i doubt you would wish that if you heard the chaos from within my house.

she doesnt work, although i could imagine her as a great nanny. her children are very lucky. perhaps i'll tell her so she knows it's appreciated.

SerendipitousHarlot Sat 12-Sep-09 23:01:09

Is she like Angela Lansbury? If she is, I totally understand grin

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Sat 12-Sep-09 23:04:32

Now I have the Murder She Wrote music in my head! grin

I'm sure my neighbours think I'm torturing my kids from the sounds in my house half the time. But they're always very friendly, so I don't mind!

booyhoo Sat 12-Sep-09 23:07:38

no she's really young and trendy, you would think she was just house sharing with her children. they seem to have a really good relationship. they socialise together. i'd love to know her secret.

SerendipitousHarlot Sat 12-Sep-09 23:20:26

Doesn't she even look a teeny little bit like Julie Andrews? sad

booyhoo Sat 12-Sep-09 23:22:39

not at all, sorry

brettgirl2 Sun 13-Sep-09 08:22:19

It's not a reflection on you, it's just that she is someone he knows less well so he responds differently to.

If you want to know her secret, the answer is to get to know her better

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