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To still not understand why some men never help with night waking/feeds/changing etc

(63 Posts)
TheLadyEvenstar Sat 12-Sep-09 14:35:19

But can manage to help in the daytime?

DP can do all those things but NEVER wakes up to ds2 in the night, whereas everytime he even moves i am awake.

Anyone else feel this way?

plonker Sat 12-Sep-09 14:37:12

My man can't hear at night.

It's a serious affliction doncha know ...

diddl Sat 12-Sep-09 14:37:44

I breast fed and didn´t work, so hubby never helped much at night & I didn´t expect him to.
He needed his sleep for work.
I could catch up thenext day.

TheLadyEvenstar Sat 12-Sep-09 14:39:21

lol plonker it must be. Or dp will wake up and tell me that ds2 is calling/crying/standing next to our bed hmm

booyhoo Sat 12-Sep-09 14:39:31

ditto my OH. i have to inflict pain before he'll wake and even then seems oblivious to baby's screams. in the end its easier for me to do it. he just spends the next day in a silent huff because he's 'had no sleep all night'.

TheLadyEvenstar Sat 12-Sep-09 14:42:16

Booyhoo, i remember when ds2 had a chest infection and i was pacing the floor with him trying to settle him and also cool him down, as well as get some nuerofen into him (teething as well at the time). The following morning dp said "oh ds2 woke me up last night i am shattered" errr yes but you were awake for 15 minutes i was awake for 6 hours with him arghhhhhhhhhhh

KittyTN Sat 12-Sep-09 17:47:23

dh wore ear plugs when ds was little! Now that ds is bigger he has stopped but will still never get up for any reason. dh is a bit precious

ABetaDad Sat 12-Sep-09 18:03:47

Because they are lazy arses and need to be kicked extremely hard and made to get out of bed. However, as Diddle says, if you are BF and can have a nap the next day there is no point in both people waking.

Mind you DW is not exactly brilliant a getting up in the night with DSs as babies or even now and is like a bear with a sore head if she is woken. hmm

lou031205 Sat 12-Sep-09 18:22:38

DH gets up almost every night. We have 3 under 4. DD1 has SN and still wakes in the early hours. DD2 is just 2. I wake for DD3, he wakes for DDs 1&2.

hazeyjane Sat 12-Sep-09 18:29:06

Dh has always woken up for dd's at night, when I was trying to b'feed he would sit up to make a cup of tea/encourage/chat etc, when we ended up f'feeding we took it in turns, now we have 2 dd's who both wake practically every night and he tends to get up for dd1 and I get up for dd2, but we try to take it in turns.

He works, and went back to work a couple of days after having both dd's. I don't think i have ever managed to have a nap in the day, and he thinks that what i do (looking after the lo's all day) is just as tiring etc as his job.

BTW I know I am very lucky.

MaMight Sat 12-Sep-09 18:38:41

Well, it's interesting.

Before we had babies, dh needed about 6 hours sleep a night and coped well with less. I, on the other hand, was a dribbling zombie on much less than nine hours sleep. We agreed (the way that people who don't have children do) that it would make sense for dh to do the majority of the night time stuff.

Enter the children.

Dh was appalling on broken nights sleep and pacing during the night. By contrast I could cope. I'm not saying I wasn't shattered, because I was, but it was manageable.

Dh is the least selfish man ever, and if he could have helped more or coped on less sleep he would have done. He simply couldn't function on the amount of sleep our babies were prepared to concede.

Our youngest is now 17 months and I still do 95% of the night time stuff. Dh gets up early early with them, but finds the night time stuff too hard, and I can't emphasize enough how he is not the kind of chap who would look for an easy out.

I have read things about how mums of new babies have hormones that help them cope with tiredness. I certainly believe that breast feeding helps me to fall straight back into a deep sleep quicker than normal. I really think we are biologically designed to cope with less sleep when we have young children, and men do not have this advantage.

brettgirl2 Sat 12-Sep-09 18:38:58

My DH is like yours Hazey.

Although men clearly can't bf I don't understand the 'you can sleep in the day' argument like when exactly????

My DH also needs less sleep than me.

MarshaBrady Sat 12-Sep-09 18:41:39

I won't expect dh to help at night, much, with the next one in December.

As all I need to do the next day is bf, mooch around and I can sleep.

He needs to be awake for work so no big deal for me.

MarshaBrady Sat 12-Sep-09 18:48:46

Although if I'd like to have a lie in, he can take ds to school, which will be fab.

<been ages since ds was tiny, wonder if I have forgotten everything...>

Asana Sat 12-Sep-09 20:26:35

I love how people just presume that as a SAHM/mum on maternity leave, we "obviously" get the chance to catch up on sleep during the day hmm My DS is 4mo and not once have I managed to sleep during the day. Not only is he a clingy little thing, he also naps for no more than 2 hours between the hours of 7am and 11pm and wakes up at least 3 times for a feed between the hours of 11pm and 7am. He absolutely refuses to be left alone for longer than 5 minutes at a time and wants to be carried constantly; all this in addition to me doing most of the housework. I give my DH a pass at nights as I'm exclusively breastfeeding but resent him for the unbroken nights of sleep he gets. However, this is mitigated by the fact that in the evenings and on weekends, my DS gets to enjoy copious amounts of what I call "Papa Time" grin

CultureMix Sat 12-Sep-09 21:04:00

I'm with diddl on this one - I am on maternity leave and am breastfeeding, whereas my DH has his job during the day and works long hours. I would rather he rest during the night than be up with me, it's not like he can do much anyways. Plus he has a long commute and I hate the thought of him driving while tired from lack of sleep.

I do agree that I seem to be tuned in to every little sound and he sleeps through, but not always. Besides once DS1 was older he did share in the nighttime watches. He's the one who came up with the screensaver technique: just sit quietly in the dark with an awake baby and the computer monitor set on screensaver - you know those slow psychedelic swirls that look a bit like an aurora boarealis - works well for lulling them to sleep.

expatinscotland Sat 12-Sep-09 21:08:38

how do you catch up on sleep when you have a toddler, too, on top of a baby? or have other children? or have to work, too?

i bf'd DD2, but thankfully DH was a SAHD at the time, so i could sleep whilst he looked after DD1, who was 2.5, and i weaned DD2 before i went back to work when she was 4.5 months old.

booyhoo Sat 12-Sep-09 21:12:32

culture im stealing that idea

CultureMix Sat 12-Sep-09 21:17:02

To Asana - Agreed there's little chance to catch up on sleep during the day. DS2 is 4mo as well and I think I've managed this maybe 4 times in total. The last time was only for 20mins as that's when the baby woke up and wanted a feed, he mainly catnaps during the day now (will sleep longer if he's pushed in the buggy wink).

I think this time round with DS2 I'm more used to broken nights and it's not such a shock to the system anymore, I just get on with it. If I'm really tired I will go to bed around 9am, baby will usually hold til at least 1am so a few hours of interrupted sleep help to recharge the battery.

I do get a lie-in of sorts at weekends, DS2 wants a feed around 5.30-6am, but then we both go back to sleep while DH takes DS1 (who's now awake) downstairs to watch Match of the Day taped the previous evening, then makes breakfast -- everyone's happy grin.

ravenAK Sat 12-Sep-09 21:19:41

Dh is crap at waking up.

I think I got 'trained' to when bf'ing, so now if anyone screams in the night, I'm awake instantly & it seems daft to wake dh to deal with it. By the time I've punched him awake, explained THREE times that someone is crying on the floor below & he's zombie-shuffled off - usually to the wrong room & wrong dc, so hurrah, the whole family's now awake! - well, I could've sorted it & been asleep again tbh.

He makes up for it by doing weekend morning get-ups & letting me lie in.

CultureMix Sat 12-Sep-09 21:24:01

Edit previous post:
Go to sleep around 9pm obviously, and this is to give me some uninterrupted sleep...

Ninks Sat 12-Sep-09 21:31:03

Men are not irredeemable. DH left all the night-stuff to me when I was BF. AND he left it to me when DS started taking bottles during the night. And I'd get up when DS did even if it was 5am.

But I had to point it out that it wasn't fair, that I'd done the BF for a year and why should I give DS bottles during the night AND get up early.

They don't think sometimes. I hate to say it as I respect my DH more than anyone else alive intelligence-wise, but I do believe that men have an innate capacity for self-preservation that women just don't possess. And just as well, or precious few babies and children would be nurtured.

lizziemun Sat 12-Sep-09 21:34:00

DH doesn't do night waking, but I think it's because i'm quite often a wake between 2am and 4am anyway and watching some crap interesting on tv. I get up to dc before he hears them.

What i hate is when dd1 (5.8yrs and she wakes far more then dd2 (2yrs) and DS 6mths) has nightmare and comes and find me, wake's me up. But when i ask in the morning what woke her, she tells me not to worry one of daddies monster (WOW Game) was chasing her and daddy chased it away hmm. Never remember him stopping snoring and sorting her out while i'm up grin.

TheLadyEvenstar Sat 12-Sep-09 21:36:09

Sorry ladies, I have been out for dinner lol

cat64 Sat 12-Sep-09 21:51:18

Message withdrawn

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