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to assume that a man in his 40's having a quite younger wife who is Thai

(105 Posts)
SlartyBartFast Sat 12-Sep-09 14:19:45

while he is not Thai.
that she is a Thai Bride,

or should I mind my own business.

or shoudl i believe the story that it was a Holiday Romance?

traceybath Sat 12-Sep-09 14:24:47

You know the answer is mind your own business.

However you wouldn't be human if you didn't privately speculate a little.

ninedragons Sat 12-Sep-09 14:26:16

Mind your own business.

And examine your beliefs for residual racism. My best friend is Malaysian and her DH is white English - she's had people raising their eyebrows at their relationship. They met at Cambridge, where they were doing their PhDs, not in some go-go bar. Asian woman + white man does not equal something sleazy.

SlartyBartFast Sat 12-Sep-09 14:27:33

i shall keep my speculations to myself then.

SlartyBartFast Sat 12-Sep-09 14:28:30

but i can't see how it is racism?
she has only been in the country for 6 months. i am not racism towards her, but judging him i spose.

PaulDacresCrackWhore Sat 12-Sep-09 14:30:45

When there's a large age-gap and they're from a long way overseas, it is kind of hard not to speculate though. Prob best not to do so out loud!

Morloth Sat 12-Sep-09 14:31:09

SlartyBartFast "i shall keep my speculations to myself then."

Yes, why would you think your speculations would have any relevance to them in any case?

Never assume anything about people.

It is racist and sexist because you are automatically assuming that the younger asian wife is in someway inferior to the older white man. You have no idea of the power dynamics in their relationship and it is none of your business.

HecatesTwopenceworth Sat 12-Sep-09 14:33:09

I don't suppose you intended to ask, did you? grin

It happens. but what you tend to find is beautiful young woman and rather ugly/socially inept/controlling/other reason why he can't find true love man.

I think it's very sad all round when it happens.

For her, cos what kind of life is that?

and for him, because he'll always have in his mind that he wasn't wanted and the only way to get a woman in his life was to 'buy' one.

booyhoo Sat 12-Sep-09 14:33:55

what if she is a thai bride?

its of no concern to anyone but them.

horses for courses

SlartyBartFast Sat 12-Sep-09 14:35:18

True Hecates
agree it is sad and in our local advertisor they are always advertising Thai/Russian Brides, as i am sure they are everywhere.

<<still speculating though>> wink

HecatesTwopenceworth Sat 12-Sep-09 14:47:37

I think it should be a concern though booy. Because quite often these women are basically sold. and put into the hands of a man who doesn't have a woman for the very good reason that he's a bastard who can't get one to stay with him!

It's disturbing. These women deserve love and a life with someone they choose.

Of course, those who just follow the money of their own free will, well, <shrug> happens all the time.

My problem is how do you know who is choosing to marry for money and who has been 'sold'? And how do you protect women from that?

Millarkie Sat 12-Sep-09 14:50:42

Well, she is a Bride and she is Thai so she is a Thai Bride. But if you mean that she may have married as a business arrangement rather than for love then it's none of your business.
For what it's worth we have 2 non-Thai men in our family who are married to Thai women and they are totally conventional, fell in love and got married type marriages.

fattybumbum Sat 12-Sep-09 14:52:01

I am Northern Irish and always joke to my DH (English) that I am going to set up a Northern Irish brides' agency for quiet English men who like their women loud, aggressive and bossy

To the OP, no YANBU. I would have quietly speculated on the same topic. For me it would not be the age or race gap which would make me wonder but rather the physical attractiveness gap. Ie if he is a 4' nothing minger as well as being old and she is young and pretty I think that would be a dead give away. Also if he is a Daily Mail reader sexist type who prefers foreign women becasue they are more 'feminine' than British ones (read submissive).

Tinfoil Sat 12-Sep-09 15:05:38

Sorry but I think YABU. Isn't giving people the benefit of the doubt the kindest policy until proven otherwise?

drlove8 Sat 12-Sep-09 15:17:55

my stepmother is asian .... has been married to my dad for about 7 years with him 10 .
family nickname for them is Mr dudly and ting-tong !shock
She's not been bought , she's got all the money..... dad is skint compared to her....
hmm actually , mabey she bought him wink

AnAuntieNotAMum Sat 12-Sep-09 15:54:05

YABU unreasonable to assume but it is understandable to wonder about the dynamics of the relationship given how many unequal ones there are. I wouldn't assume she's "mail order" though, immigration is not easy to get through, a lot of those agencies take money from men but can't get the women visas.

I'd get to know her if you can, Thai people are mostly absolutely lovely, I lived there for a few years and miss the people.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 12-Sep-09 15:55:23

Of course she is a Thai bride.

She is from Thailand and recently married so is a bride.

Portofino Sat 12-Sep-09 16:06:35

drlove8 - that is uncanny - my dad is in exactly the same position. Even the timing is the same - I had to check your profile to see if you were my sister! grin

My SM is loaded, and doesn't even contribute to the household expenses. It makes me angry!

Fruitbeard Sat 12-Sep-09 18:36:15

I was once in Sainsbo's trying to decide which brand of gin to buy () when this couple came alongside, a beautiful young Thai-looking woman and a very worn and weary-looking middle-aged man. He went to pick up a small bottle of the own brand vodka and she snatched it out of his hand, put it back and grabbed a large one of Smirnoff blue label, going "No! No! This one! Not that crap! Ooh, you so CHEAP!" at the top of her voice...

Not quite sure she was the 'submissive' one in that partnership!

Portofino Sat 12-Sep-09 18:39:27

I guess the vodka "oils the wheels". Good on her.

MaggieVirgoOn Sat 12-Sep-09 18:42:15

I'll be flamed for saying this but I'd think, what sort of man wants such a subservient, grateful wife.

No catch. That's what kind of man.

The poor woman. HOpe she fucks off and leaves him as soon as she can!!

MaggieVirgoOn Sat 12-Sep-09 18:44:16

fruitbread... chuckling at that one, well if you have to shag some old bloke, you want to be out of it properly!!

SerendipitousHarlot Sat 12-Sep-09 18:45:48

<It is racist and sexist because you are automatically assuming that the younger asian wife is in someway inferior to the older white man.>

What a load of nonsense. She didn't say that AT ALL.

Maggie, the longer I live, the more I wonder whether ALL men secretly want a subservient, grateful wife.

GirlsAreLOud Sat 12-Sep-09 18:47:37

I've never heard the term thai bride before.

The people across the hall from us in our old flat were a middle-aged man with bad breath and no real concept of personal space and a beautiful young Thai woman who used to hoover the communal hallway in just a sarong.

I used to wonder how they met and how come they were together as they seemed like an unlikely couple.

I didn't realise that was racism hmm

BethNoire Sat 12-Sep-09 18:48:21

I think most people wulod wonder briefly, but that's abouyt it

DS1's best friend has a Thai Mum and a Brit Ste-Dad..... no buying involved, they met when dad worked in Thailand for a year and fell in love, as people do.

There's no way of knowing without risking massive hurt, so wonder and move on.

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