Talk

Advanced search

My dd wont go anywhere daily where she will be loved as much as I love her....thats not going to happen is it :( ok so how do i deal with this?

(110 Posts)
yummyummy Fri 11-Sep-09 01:13:51

Here goes....
DD born 05, started school sept 3rd 2009. (her schools hrs are 9am-12noon everyday until 21st sept then will be 9am-3pm) She has never been babysat or looked after by any1 but me or dh, apart from nursery staff from when she was 2 yr's old. Even that was only 4 hour a wk (2hr on mon, 2 hr on fri)

Today (day 5 of her schooling) we have an interview about dd, as does every parent at her school in reception regards their child. DH and I are asked lots of questions. Who are her friends, what names has she mentioned, what does DD enjoy to do at home, can she dress herself, do up her shoes, whats her favorite food, disliked food, does she have any allergies? (bit late for that question isnt it on day 5????!!!!!!) etc etc.

It then dawns on me I leave my child with strangers in a class of 30 other children everyday

Prior to this she has been with me and only a much loved nursery for 4 hours a wk.

Don't grill me please, yes I knew school would be hard for us both. But surely in this day and age with the things we read about young children god forbid, dont we as parents need to know our children are going somewhere to be protected and looked after?? Isn't there an easier way to break our (urm...ME and MY!) children into school?

fgs just wearing a stiff ironed shirt and a tie is a major thing for a little girl. every day. shes only used to princess dresses!!!!

Am I too overprotective with nothing else better to worry about?? DD has had 2 morning starter nsessions in june prior to starting school to 'familiarise' herself....PAH!!

I guess I need to know she is going somewhere everyday where she will be loved as much as me & DH love her....thats not going to happen is it What a sudden brick wall we have just hit

skidoodle Fri 11-Sep-09 01:23:16

She won't be able to go anywhere, ever, if it will only be places where people love her like her parents do.

The nursery don't love her that way. Hell, even her doting GPs don't, because it's a different way.

If it's a good school and teacher, then they will care for your daughter as a school and teacher should. Not as a parent should. That is not their job.

drivinmecrazy Fri 11-Sep-09 01:36:08

My DD2 is due to start school on Monday. Although she is my 2nd, I totally understand your emotions. My DD was only 4 2 weeks ago and cannot believe where all the time has gone. Wasn't so bad when DD1 started because she was nearly 5 and DD2 was only 2 weeks old, so had alot to keep me occupied. Now i face that awful moment of 'empty nest' syndrome.
I wish I could stop time for another year as i want to hold onto all her innocence for a while longer.
However, My DD1 is 8 now and such a gorgeous (though increasingly hormnonal) child that i can see that change brings it's own rewards. She will never be your baby again but you will be gaining a confident, inquiring and growing child who will become your best friend through her growth through new experiences.
However, even going through it once before I am DREADING Monday morning.
Ever listened to the ABBA song 'slipping through my fingers all the time'???

Pikelit Fri 11-Sep-09 01:38:15

You deal with it by looking forwards to the exciting times your daughter has to come. Not reflecting on what is past. Of course "they" won't love her as much as you do. It'd be incredibly unhealthy if a school thought it could replace parental love. You haven't hit a brick wall either but I suspect you are being rather over-protective.

pasturesnew Fri 11-Sep-09 04:18:28

I think your time together to date plus her nice experience at nursery will probably mean that she feels secure and has a nice understanding of human relationships and so will settle into school well. Although they will not love her like you do, I expect she will get to know her teachers and fellow pupils quite easily and they will love her in a different way soon enough. You will be very proud of her both when you see the friendships she forms for and by herself, and when you see her overcome any day-to-day troubles too.

violethill Fri 11-Sep-09 06:35:27

What skidoodle says.

Becoming a parent is the start of a gradual process of letting our children go... preparing them for the big exciting world so that one day they won't actually want us around too much any more because they'll have their own life!

If you return to work yourself when you have kids, I think you probably find this easier to accept. If school is the first time you've 'let go' it'll be harder.

Your dd shouldnt 'love' nursery, or indeed anyone, how she loves her mum and dad - there would be something very wrong if she did. What she should do, is have the confidence and security to face new situations without unreasonable anxiety, fear etc.

You need to put your feelings to one side here, because the worst thing would be for your dd to pick up on your negative thoughts about 'strangers' etc.

Just let her enjoy it!

franklymydear Fri 11-Sep-09 06:43:46

it's a brick wall you built yourself I'm afraid

Podrick Fri 11-Sep-09 06:46:51

Violethill is right.
If your dd is too young for school you could consider home ed for a bit.
I do think school starts a couple of years too early in the uk

franklymydear Fri 11-Sep-09 06:48:14

what so the child can be even more stifled and unaware of the society around it?

I know a good Amish community if it helps

nickschick Fri 11-Sep-09 06:59:19

In school she will find her own little niche the place where she fits in best,in a good school where positive relationships are built she may become 'the kind child''the child with the neatest handwriting''the child that sings like an angel' she will build relationships with peers and they will love her for who she is and thats a harder love to earn - these will be very important life skills because all children need to learn how to 'be' with people.

Even H.E children like my ds3 go to places that they arent 'adored' -to the dentist he is one of many children albeit one who gives less fuss,to the lady in the sweet shop he is a child who doesnt like blue ice pops and will dig deep into her freezer for cola ones yet he will scrabble under her counter to retrieve a £1 she has dropped and when he finds 3 he will hand them all over and decline 'a reward' (an icepop).

Its just life im afraid that the wheels of time dictate.

You can help her by giving her positive feedback and encouragement as well as building skills towards people who wont see her as the 'princess you do' but for the little girl she chooses to be.

Portofino Fri 11-Sep-09 08:19:23

I agree with Violet. It must be hard for you if she has been at home with you til now, but she is growing up and needs to expand her horizons. You can't protect them from everything, just love them and give them guidance.

GetOrfMoiLand Fri 11-Sep-09 08:47:29

Your daughter is expanding her horizons, and I think you do need expand yours as well. You are over thinking everything and have created a problem which doesn't exist.

Nobody will love your daughter as much as you and your DH do, however that is normal, you probably wouldn't want anyone to, would you? Going to school is a wonderful milestone, as difficult as it is for you, please don't ruin this time by fretting.

BonsoirAnna Fri 11-Sep-09 08:50:07

It's very important for children to go to school and to manage without the unconditional love of their parents and to learn that getting on in life is about negotiation, cooperation with others and compromise.

Callisto Fri 11-Sep-09 08:56:33

Yummyyummy - why not home educate for a couple of years if you feel she is too young to start school? In most other countries children don't start until 5, 6 or even 7 years old. I too feel that children are way too young to start school at 4, and the school your dd goes to seems very full on - my dd's school is 3 mornings a week for 2 weeks then a gradual build up to full time by Oct half-term.

I think that you need to listen to your own instincts here (and remember that 4 is very young indeed) and if you're not happy about school, pull her out until you feel she is old enough. It might be worth talking to some of the home-edders in the Home Education forum.

PuppyMonkey Fri 11-Sep-09 09:01:04

Yes, you're being too overprotective.

You sometimes have much more fun with strangers than you do with your own boring mum. grin

Stop over thinking things is my advice!

cory Fri 11-Sep-09 09:02:41

Hugs and pats on heads and all that sort of thing. It is hard when they first start moving into the outside world, but it isn't just something nasty that life imposes on us, it's also a right your daughter has, the right to gradually grow into a mature independent human being- just like yourself. Or would you have liked to have stayed a child forever? If you had a right to grow up and do your own thing, then so does she. And in order to grow, we need to face difficulties. It's our right!

My own dd is just about to come into her teens, with all the challenges and dangers that involves. And yes, it is scary, but it is also enormously exciting and satisfying. Because I can see that through all the challenges and difficulties she has faced (and she's had a rougher ride than most), she is growing into someone that I can reasonably confidently send into the world at 19.

I know this seems a long way off to you now, but it is what it's all aimed at, gradually amassing the skills she will need as an adult. Every little hurdle the two of you face confidently will help her on her way.

brimfull Fri 11-Sep-09 09:05:58

way too over protective attitude

you need to relax.let you child enjoy life outsidethe home,like you are by letting her experience school and new friends

you are still there for her to come back to for all the love and advice stuff

that's what parents are for

MadreInglese Fri 11-Sep-09 09:06:24

<applauds franklymydear>

Namechangerforthispost Fri 11-Sep-09 09:09:30

It is natural that you are concerned about your dc starting school,that is normal.

It is a little OTT to be expecting anyone to love your dd as much as you do cos no it isn't going to happen,but most children go to school and learn about expanding their social relationships and horizons,and have supportive relationships with friends and teachers.

She will be fine

(I only wish that I could imagine dd going off ANYWHERE without needing 1:1 supervision,and help to perform all her basic needs as she is disabled)

Namechangerforthispost Fri 11-Sep-09 09:15:28

Sorry,that probably came across as a bit harsh.Having a wobbly day

I am SURE she will be fine at school but the initial letting go is very hard and it is natural to feel like this.

AtheneNoctua Fri 11-Sep-09 09:20:54

I think you should ask yourself whether the one struggling here is your DD or you. 5 is plenty old enough to say good-bye to mum for the day and go play with your mates.

And I'm afraid I agree that you built this brick wall.

LadyMuck Fri 11-Sep-09 09:24:39

How is your dd finding school? Is she enjoying it or hating it?

juuule Fri 11-Sep-09 09:27:49

"Isn't there an easier way to break our (urm...ME and MY!) children into school?"

What would you suggest?

9am-12noon for the first couple of weeks is meant to ease them in.
If after that time you think she would benefit from short hours for a while longer, then discuss it with her class teacher and see what she thinks. You may decide that she might need short hours for a bit longer. Or she may be fine.
She will make friends and hopefully by Christmas this time will be behind you and she will be chatty about her new friends and perhaps you could invite one or two for tea after school.
Lots of parents find these early days difficult but as long as the child is coping well with it things normally settle down.
It's a lot to get used to but you will. Both of you.

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 11-Sep-09 09:28:28

Message withdrawn

juuule Fri 11-Sep-09 09:28:54

I think the child is 4yo Athene.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now