am I being a party pooper?

[AcrylicAfternoons]

I have 2 very good friends who are lovely, very good fun, thoughtful and generous. They have both split up with long term boyfriends in the last couple of years are now single. Our social life in the past always revolved around nights out / pubs / gigs, they still go out a lot and always invite me (I don't always go BTW but it's nice to be invited).

I really can't cope with these big nights out any more - I have terrible hangovers even after a few drinks and I feel exhausted and it takes me a good week to fully catch up on my sleep. I have a 2 year old, work part time and have no family nearby so I'm pretty busy. I've also had some bad news recently that has really upset me and I'm feeling fragile.

My friends now keep asking me to go on weekends away with them - basically party weekends which will involve drinking / staying out all night. One of these is for my friends birthday night out.

I really don't want to go, but feel sorry for one friend in particular as she's still upset about her ex (and it's her birthday). AIBU?

[hambler]

No you are not.
You don't want to go.

Don't go.

Explain you just don't like that sort of thing anymore.
Suggest you take your friend out for a quiet dinner as a birthday gift from you.
One of the great things about being an adult is not being forced to do too may things you really don't want to.

[LongtimeinBrussels]

I don't think YABU. As they are very good friends, could you share your bad news with them to explain why you don't feel like going out?

[AcrylicAfternoons]

I can't tell them my bad news as it's quite personal, it relates to my DH and he doesn't me to tell them, and they probably wouldn't understand anyway.

[LongtimeinBrussels]

Ah okay. I still don't think you should go if you don't feel like it.

[ClaudiaSchiffer]

YANBU Hambler is right. Just be confident when you tell them that you can't go, nice idea to take your friend out who's had a hard time with ex.

It's always a difficult stage when one person in the group has kids and the others don't. Just stick to your guns.

[ilovespagbol]

Firstly, think its great that your friends still invite you out, its doesn't always work out like that. But hambler is right. There are other ways of socialising and marking an occasion. Be honest with them, your life has changed and they would not like to think you were out and not enjoying yourself. Sorry to hear you have had bad news.

[AcrylicAfternoons]

It is hard when you're at different stages - I don't want to 'grow apart' from them as they're lovely friends. They have babysitted for me in the past and one of them is my DD's Godmother and she makes an effort to spend time with DD when she sees her.

So I do feel like I have to do things they want to do in return. And I do enjoy spending time with them. ARGH. I may compromise and go on one weekend away (the one for my friends birthday), but not the other one my friend has organised. I hope she'll be happy with that!