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about my neighbours who don't work and interfere in my life all the time. Much needed rant.

(78 Posts)
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Thu 10-Sep-09 11:13:48

I'm pregnant, having a crappy time and have just spent a few days in hospital. I've got PND and docs won't give me my ADs as they don't agree with giving them to pregnant women hmm so I might just be a little crazy at the moment.

Our neighbours are:
A man of about 55
A lady of about 55 (supposedly blind but I have seen her make observations like 'come in, you haven't got any shoes on [sees me standing there]... oh, I mean,errrm... has he got any shoes on?')
A lady of 22
A man of 24
A boy of 2
A girl of 1

They all live in a 3 bedroom house. The young couple tried to befriend us and when she mentioned that she's going to have 'lots more' babies, I asked why they don't get their own house rather than living with her PIL. She said 'oh no, when they eventually die, we get this house, so why move out?'

But that's true of anyone isn't it? I don't live with my mum or DH's mum in the hope that they'll pop their clogs.

Young man says he doesn't work as he 'has a bad back'. Rubbish. He picks up heavy things, and sits in smoking weed all day. He smokes it until 4 in the morning with his baby girl in the same bedroom. He boasts about this. He has his music playing loud while she's supposed to be sleeping. The kids don't go to bed until about 11pm. I have been in the house (when they collared me when I'd just moved in) and it is filthy.

Young woman has decided she wants me to be her 'best friend' despite the fact we have nothing in common. We felt obliged to invite them to our wedding do, so we posted an invitation and it had my number on for RSVP. Now she txts me all day every day asking me to be her maid of honor and things like that, wanting to know what noises things are, like our bed creaks (so sex is out as they are too nosey) and she asks me what that particular noise was and things like that.

She's a trained nursery nurse and yet she doesn't work, even though there are plenty of people in the house to look after the kids while she works, or she could look after the kids while they work.

She boasts that they get over £800 a month in DSS money. Yet they don't have a mortgage (the houses are ex-council but it's only on the edge of an ex-council estate so it's not rough) and young man's parents pay all the bills so that is purely disposable income. We pay a helluva lot per month on our mortgage, where as they got left the house by young man's nana when she died.

Now I could handle most of this if they didn't pry into our live all of the time. I don't see any reason for neighbours to interfere in each other's lives. They look in our windows, call round all the time asking for this that and the other, they txt constantly, if we leave our house they make boring gossipy conversation for up to an hour and everytime we say we have to leave they carry on talking. They gossip about everyone in the street and ask hundreds of personal questions about us. They have to know every knook and cranny of our lives.

They have mice all through their house, they have gotten into their attic and have now got through into ours (though they're not actually in our house IYSWIM). They came round for 2 hours just to tell us that they'd given us mice. Then txtd about it not stop for about 2 weeks. DH set lots of traps and they did, too. The mice were killed. Then they got environmental health, which is £10ish. They said we'd have to too, but because we both work, we are struggling to get a time when environmental health can come round and we'll be in. I have got a slot for a just over a weeks time.

Next door started bombarding me with txts about getting EV out and I explained the situation.

I went out to teach nightschool the other night, and DH was working late. My mum had come round to watch DS. As soon as I drove off, old man came round to give my mum and earfull about how we would have to get environmental health out, if they'd paid to have them out, we would have to too. Even though all the mice are dead.

I'm not bothered about the money, I just can't take time off work to wait in for them to come round! Neither to I have anyone who can come to mine and sit in waiting for them to come round, plus they only work 9-5 mon-fri.

Last night, I came home from hospital, still very poorly. Their music was unbearable and I have a very bad headache that makes me sick. DH went out to the car to get my tablets, and they all came out gossiping about some guy down the street. DH said he would have to come in to give me my tablets as I'd been in hospital and was poorly so they asked ten thousand prying questions about that- then they started going on and on about 'there's no point one side getting EV out if they other side arn't even going to bother. You're going to have to.' DH explained yet again that they are coming out, but we can't just get them out immediately as we HAVE TO WORK. They went on and on until he had enough and just came in.

They then spoke and laughed very loudly all night, kept waking DS up and I couldn't sleep for their noise. Today I feel even worse so looks like I'm going back into hospital again.

So a horrible night all round really.

I just do not want to live near them or want them in my life, and yet I can't afford to move.

All they do with their day is try to look in our house and wait for us to come home so that they can talk to us for ages. Young lady said to me that she knows the noise of our car so when she hears it, she waits on the doorstep for us to pull up.

So tired, emotional and down

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Thu 10-Sep-09 11:14:15

Sorry that is ridiculously long. I didn't realise how long it had got.

Stigaloid Thu 10-Sep-09 11:22:52

Aww they sound horrendous *hugs* hope you are better soon. Can you move? KNow it's not ideal when pregnant or unwell but they do sound utter horrors. Sorry - don't have anythign to provide other than massive sympathy for you.

akhems Thu 10-Sep-09 11:23:20

No idea what you can do about it but I can sympathise.. we had this with our neighbours and the only way we stopped it was basically to cut them dead.

ElectricElephant Thu 10-Sep-09 11:27:42

TOTALLY ignore them apart from absolutely essential communication. They'll get the message eventually.

You poor thing, I hope you feel better soon.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Thu 10-Sep-09 11:34:28

God what a nightmare. Agree you will have to start cutting them dead. Don't reply to texts, if they try to chat on the doorstep just say you have to go, and leave. Get net curtains.

LadyStealthPolarBear Thu 10-Sep-09 11:39:00

That sounds awful, but it worries me that if you say / do anything they might retaliate ... does that seem likely?
Tell them EV are coming, next Wednesday. When they don't turn up, make an excuse then.
Change your mobile no?

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Thu 10-Sep-09 11:42:37

Yep they will retaliate as they have nothing else in their lives to care about so they'll just sit and plot revenge all day. Fortunately they're a little intimidated by DH but they started a fight at our wedding do with one of DH's mates so DH is not happy.

Tortington Thu 10-Sep-09 11:44:20

change your mobile number

don't entertain them at all.

it;s the council estate mentality to be up each others arses - which is fine if thats what you like - but it's not for me

bamboobutton Thu 10-Sep-09 11:45:44

yes, change mobile number and ignore or be as brusque as you can when they try talking to you.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Thu 10-Sep-09 11:47:01

custardo- why do they want to know everything about each other? The other side are as bad but they've taken the huff with me for parking in their spot so fortunately are not speaking to me woohoo.

AramintaCane Thu 10-Sep-09 11:50:24

What a total nightmare. Sending you a hug. Is there any chance you could move. Not that you should have to but ....

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Thu 10-Sep-09 11:53:18

no chance of moving as we bought earlier this year, have a huge mortgage and house prices dropped

Otherwise we actually would have done.

They moan that lady we bought the house off was nice at first and they started going round hers for brews and then she wouldn't want to speak to them- then she sold the house and they can't understand it. I can!!!

charis Thu 10-Sep-09 11:55:19

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with your pregnancy and PND. It must be awful.

Your neighbours could be a lot, lot worse believe me. Just be thankful that they are not violent and aggressive. The woman sounds bored and lonely, perhaps you could send her some details of mother and toddler groups where she can satisfy her need for gossip.

We have just had mice too - its that time of year.

AramintaCane Thu 10-Sep-09 11:56:27

Nightmare, I would go with what custardo said then. Practice the phrase "I'm extremely busy, can't talk now" whilst walking very fast.

AramintaCane Thu 10-Sep-09 11:57:37

Although, if they were violent or aggresive at least you could call the police and get somthing done.

expatinscotland Thu 10-Sep-09 11:59:39

you could always pretend you're crazy.

as in, really crazy.

worked for me, but then, yeah, it wasn't too far a stretch for me .

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Thu 10-Sep-09 12:00:01

True they could be agressive... though I do think they'll turn that way now that we're not playing ball anymore.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Thu 10-Sep-09 12:00:55

lol I cross posted good plan expat!

AramintaCane Thu 10-Sep-09 12:03:51

What do you suggest expat ? grin

expatinscotland Thu 10-Sep-09 12:04:02

Tell them you can't talk and if they press you tell them you're addicted to something online. Something bizarre. World of Warcraft or a fetish forum or something like that.

potoftea Thu 10-Sep-09 12:06:32

The main issue seems to be that you've lost control of your home and peace and quite. So you'll feel better if you can regain that.

Don't fall out with them. If they spend this much time trying to be your friend, think how much time they'll spend becoming and enemy.

Lie, a lot. Have excuses ready why you can't talk right now. Be chatting on your phone as you get out of the car, and just wave hello to neighbour waiting on doorstep.

Don't let them into the house, you'll never get rid of them.

Allow them an amount of your time that you can deal with for a catch up every week or so. Like be out sweeping your drive on Saturday morning and gossip with them for ten minutes or so, and then they'll still see you as being friendly.

They have no lives, so want to live yours. It must be so boring being them, but you have so much more happiness, and self-worth than they, so try not to let them ruin this time for you.

kitkatqueen Thu 10-Sep-09 12:09:18

They sound barking ! You have my every sympathy, As others have said it is a council estate mentality to "live" on top of your neihbours, but these people are out of control/reasonableness.

I also agree about the likely plotting revenge scenario if yo complain about/too them.

Somehow you need to turn it round to being your problem even tho its not and get across to them something on the lines of "i'm really a very private person" "sorry can't stop to chat today" and walk indoors. "my husband is dealing with EV, speak to him" smile walk away.

I will also say that the old lady you bought from had an obligation to tell you about the nightmare neihbours before you bought its part of the new contract thingy....

EleanoraBuntingCupcake Thu 10-Sep-09 12:09:43


elmofan Thu 10-Sep-09 12:15:53

you say the other side don't speak to you because you took their parking spot ... well that's not very neighbourly of you is it ? agree with changing mobile number & only talking for a few minutes then make an excuse to go inside .

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