to not pay for an item on ebay because I have decided the seller is a total tosser

[ihavenamechangedforthis]

Right I am a regular poster but just in case the twat who I have dealt with is familiar with MN I don't want my details shared so I have namechanged.

Sadly my nephew was stillborn last week. My sister is a mess and still in hospital due to retained placenta and pph.

I logged on to her email (she'd asked me too) so I could email everyone and let them know the very sad news and there was a message from someone she had bought an item from asking when she was going to collect.

I wrote an email explaining why she/bil couldn't collect and offering to send a cheque so he didn't have to wait for her to pay paypal. Also told him to resell item as wouldn't be able to collect for a while and due to circumstances no longer wanted it. I thought win win for him - item and cash.

Got email back basically saying "sorry for your loss, but I don't believe you". I was so angry - I'd offered to pay and he sent this message knowing full well that sis will have to read it.

I emailed back (still at that point intending to pay what was owed) but telling him I was disgusted at his unecessary caveat to his apology- I mean what sort of a sicko makes stuff like that up?!

Have received another message - which again sister will see in ebay and I can't log in as her to delete basically saying saying I've lied on her behalf.

Until I got second shitty and threatening email I had intended to put cheque in post today but now I feel like turning up on his doorstep with photos and copies of the birth/death cert. I am raging for my sister

Item was £50 so am I unreasonable not to pay (although probably academic cos sis is so sweet that she'll make sure he is paid as soon as she is out of hospital)

Oh and soz this is so bloody long

[Lizzylou]

Could you contact Ebay at all?
Let them know what has happened, start a dispute or whatever? Let them know how rude and heartless the seller is.

He sounds vile, how awful for you and your SIL.

I wouldn't pay, but you don't want to cause trouble for your SIL I suppose.

[WhereTheWildThingsWere]

Fuck me that's terrible, I would have just cancelled the transaction and re-listed, yes tbh as a seller it might cross my mind that you could be trying it on, but I wouldn't risk causing so much anguish should it be true.

I don't know where yo should go with this though, you have been so ridiculously reasonable, I would suggest that the seller lacks the intellegence to understand what you were originally offering, as I'm sure the greedy twat would have snapped your hand off had they realized.

I would second contacting e-bay, though they and notoriously unhelpful, do you have copies of all of yours and the sellers e-mails? They are supposed to be cracking down on bad selling.

Good luck, really really on your behalf.

[diddl]

I´d take it up with Ebay.

You´ve offered to pay and told him not to send.
Doesn´t matter if he believes you or not, really, does it?

Were there other bids?
Anyone with an ounce of decency would offer it to the next bid down, or try to resell.
If both of these failed, they then might feel they had a "right" to ask for the money.

[brettgirl2]

"I would have just cancelled the transaction and re-listed, yes tbh as a seller it might cross my mind that you could be trying it on, but I wouldn't risk causing so much anguish should it be true."

Well quite.

I would deffo try to contact ebay because if he is a really really nasty arsehole he may also leave negative feedback about her

[GoldenSnitch]

The right thing for him to do would be to just cancel the transaction in the circumstances.

But assuming he didn't believe you - and I agree, who would make that up! - then £50 will more than cover his relisting costs so he would have ended up with almost double his money!!

Spitefull idiot!

I'm torn between not paying cause he doesn't deserve it and paying to make it all go away for your sister.

What is the item?

[risingstar]

I would ask sister for ebay log in so that you can deal with it for her-- along the lines of there is an email, i have offered to pay by cheque but wants pay pal, ill sort it out for you. i would then pay by paypal and send a message to them stating that they are free to re-list- reiterate tragic circumstances- you genuinely have no need for the item now but have other far more important things to be dealing with such as arrangements...and send a link to this thread.

he/she will feel about 2 inches tall which is, after all, what you are after.

i am truly sorry for your family's loss and i am totally understand you wanting to sheild your sister from all this.

[allaboutme]

Can you go onto ebay and say you've forgotten your password and get a new one resent to her email adress? then you can deal with it all exactly as you'd like to without worrying about paying the arsehole just to avoid your sister having to deal with it in ebay later.
So sorry for your family's loss x

[BertieBotts]

You can't leave negative feedback about buyers any more, and if he leaves negative comments with positive feedback you can get it removed by ebay (will also put a strike against his account)

[BertieBotts]

Also, sorry to hear about your nephew

[cjones2979]

I'm so sorry for your family's tragic loss, what an awful time for you all. You certainly don't need an arsehole like this making things worse for you.

IMO, I would try to get your sister's eBay log in details (maybe even try asking your BIL if he knows them). Once you have these, you will be able to A) Delete the disgusting emails, and B) Dispute the transaction by requesting a cancellation of the transaction through eBays dispute system. You will be able to put your case forward, explaining that you had offered to pay for the item, even though it was no longer required.
Please DO NOT pay this heartless man.

Just so you are aware, there is no risk of him leaving your sister negative feedback as sellers are no longer able to do this. However, as the buyer, you are able to leave negative feedback for him on your sister's behalf should you wish.

I hope this helps.

[BethNoire]

So sorry for ewhat has happened, its very sad.

There is a number for Ebay, DH as a shopholder has it and I will gladly ask if you wish.

The man is awful, i'd understand a bit (though who on earth ould actually say it and risk the effects on the possible truthful buyer?) if you were refusing to pay as some people do come up with bizarre and manipulative excuses, however given that you ARE offering to complete the transaction it is truly cruel.

I'd ask for her password then report to Ebay; copy and paste any emails from the man into the email as last time we had to complain about a stalker, we were told they are no longer allowed to read the contact a buyer messages.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

You can get her ebay password sent to her email address if you know her ebay login. She doesn't need to read those messages. If I were you I would do that, email him and say you offered to pay for the item and as he has refused your offer you will not be paying, and he can raise a dispute with ebay if he is unhappy about it. Mention that you have kept his email rejecting the original offer to pay and his disgusting allegations.

I don't think that paypal could take the money without her consent, in fact I'm positive they couldn't.

[dilemma456]

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[MissSunny]

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[MissSunny]

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[QueenOfFuckingEverything]

But MissSunny she was offering to pay and let him keep the item!

Even if he thought she was lying, there's no reason to be a twat like that. He is losing nothing.

[McDreamy]

Sorry Miss Sunny but while I am sure there are many people that do lie the OP was offering to pay so he wasn't out of pocket. It was very unreasonable of him to think she was lying. How insensitive

Really sorry for your loss op Your family must be devastated

[MissSunny]

Message withdrawn

[alwayslookingforanswers]

sorry Miss Sunny but that's shite - ok he doesn't want a cheque - but he can't refuse it. If the cheque doesn't turn up then he can do an unpaid item strike.

The fact that the OP is willing to pay for the item AND he gets to keep it to re-list means he's going to end up with more money as he'll get paid for the same item twice.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Unfortunately it's because of the 'booohoooohooo how dare he be so unsympathetic' mindset that con artists use stories like this and react with outrage when challenged.
It isn't actually difficult to send money via paypal even when you don't have a paypal account BTW all you need is an email address and a credit/debit card, paypal is very secure.

[QuintessentialShadows]

Believe me, your SIl will find an "unpaid item" strike against her merely a trickle in her sea of sorrow, compared to all the frenzy you are kicking up on her behalf, albeit with her best interest at heart. Ebay is full of scamsters, and cheques in the post NEVER materialize, and you have no idea of the stories scamsters and non-payers will come up with.

Either pay through paypal, or NOT pay, and let your sil get an unpaid item strike. It wont be the end of the world. Seller will leave feedback, and your SIL will be able to reply. But I advice against negging the seller just because you are pissed off that he believe you to be a scammer.

Finally, sorry for the loss.

[NNMum]

I guess some people lie about things when they don't want to pay but isn't it a shame that they have to. I think you were incredibly generous in offering to pay. I would offer to pay the amount he was out of pocket by ie posting charges and a little extra for his trouble. Wouldn't pay the whole amount. He also needs a comment on his rating (or whatever ebayers call it) to say what happened. When I have bought on ebay I always read the bad ones and I wouldn't buy from him.

[PrammyMammy]

So sorry for your loss. Don't understand why he would call you a liar when you have offered to pay. Seems a tosser indeed.

There is an Ebay helpline. It comes up as soon as i log into ebay, in huge writing with a phone next to it.

020 8080 2105. It says underneath - "whether it is a question about selling, a problem with a transaction or anything else, give us a call - we're here to help."