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Should 22yr old daughter pay board?

(78 Posts)
Diamond47 Tue 08-Sep-09 21:44:24

Having been financially supported through university, now has good taking home £1000.00 per month. She will soon start new job with more money. Refuses to pay board. States she shouldn't have to as - only stays at home 5 noghts per week, eats breakfats 5 mornings, takes lunch 5 days, eats dinner with us 2-3 times per week. Spends rest of time with boyfriend. She is going to move in with mates for 6 months then intends to move back home. Am feeling like a mug! Dont want to 'rock the boat' as she has suffered anxiety/ depression but now well. She uses all household facilities, expects food in fridge, tv, comfy hoome, etc. She has now taken food from my cupboard for ner house with mates! am getting to end of tether but don't want a huge argument. When I try to talk to her she tells me she will move to her Dads so her just say ok! HELP!

Thunderduck Tue 08-Sep-09 21:46:13

Yes of course she should.

MissSunny Tue 08-Sep-09 21:47:24

Message withdrawn

AnyFucker Tue 08-Sep-09 21:48:26

of course

what are you, some sort of free hotel ?

let her move out if she likes, she will soon find out which side her bread is (literally) buttered on

colditz Tue 08-Sep-09 21:49:26

Absolutelyshe should. If she wants to move in with her dad, let her. She's 22, she shouldn't be living with you full stop.

Mistymoo Tue 08-Sep-09 21:50:09

Definately.

I used to have to give a third of my wages. It seems quite steep now but I recognised that I had to pay my way.

mumeeee Tue 08-Sep-09 21:50:19

Yes she should. DD1 came home for a few months after finishing Uni for the first month she was only workning for a couple of days a week so we didn't ask for rent but then she was given full time hours and paid us £130 a month, She also earnt a lot less then £1000.oo a month.

LadyMuck Tue 08-Sep-09 21:51:13

Of course. And she is old enough to know that threatening to move in with Dad is just emotional blackmail.

beanieb Tue 08-Sep-09 21:52:03

She's 22. Of course she should now she has a job.

CantThinkofFunnyName Tue 08-Sep-09 21:52:41

Absolutely. My stepson decided of his own accord to quit his A-levels at 16 and didn't (of course) manage to find a job. Instead, he ended up signing on for benefits. We still charged him keep, albeit £10 per week. But it was the principle that once you stop being in full time education, you are cost and therefore must contribute.

Be strong on this. If she refuses to pay, you should tell her that she then needs to find alternative accommodation.

VulpusinaWilfsuit Tue 08-Sep-09 21:52:56

Of course. You will not be doing her any favours by not charging her: needs to learn what real world is like, no?

yorkyporky Tue 08-Sep-09 21:53:05

Totally. I did from 16! If I was earning I paid.

AnyFucker Tue 08-Sep-09 21:53:17

will her Dad let her live there rent-free ?

If he does at first, the novelty of that will soon wear off !

SixtyFootDoll Tue 08-Sep-09 21:53:33

She neeeds to grow up nd pay up

hatesponge Tue 08-Sep-09 21:53:34

Agree she should pay you £50 a week at least!

My colleague's daughter earns £800 a month net and (willingly) pays £75 a week, so YANBU at all asking your DD for something given she earns more. And whilst she might not be there all the time, I'm guessing she's not paying board at her boyfriends, so doesn't really matter that she's not at home all the time. She should still contribute!

Ponders Tue 08-Sep-09 21:54:30

My daughter (24) is also earning £1000 a month. She shares a house & her rent is c £275 a month, plus bills, plus food - about £400 a month all in. Suggest your DD should either give you at least £250 a month or move out.

ravenAK Tue 08-Sep-09 21:54:39

I'd be tough.

Find her local rent adverts, show her the receipts for family food shopping & the utility bills.

Tell her what you feel is a fair contribution, & suggest that she works out for herself what it would cost to live independently.

If she does move in with her mates, don't let her back unless she agrees to contribute. 22 is plenty old enough to be independent!

Would her moving to her dad's be a disaster?

brimfull Tue 08-Sep-09 21:56:33

yes of course she should or move out

Ponders Tue 08-Sep-09 21:57:01

"Refuses to pay board" FFS! angry

Pack her things into bin liners & leave them on the doorstep next time she refuses!

Wonderstuff Tue 08-Sep-09 21:58:33

Definitly she should pay rent. Why would her moving in with her dad be an issue?

Diamond47 Tue 08-Sep-09 22:04:17

Hi, thanks for replies, new to this!

Her dad doesn't charge 'board'.
Her brothers paid while they lived with me and would do so if they came back. I don't want to let her back without an agreement to pay but she knows I cannot get her money unless she gives it to me. I am thinking now of telling her to go to dads and not back with me and to ask for keys back. I feel awful but she disrespects me and my (2nd) husband. I have in the past told her to go and find an alternative 'bed & breakfast rate' and she laughed!!! My husband would be firm but I have not let him - not wanting to rock the boat... I will take control back and be firm. It won't be a disaster if she moves back to Dads but she holds grudges - more emotional blackmail i suppose.

carikube8 Tue 08-Sep-09 22:04:34

Yes of course she should!

My mum had a rule that as long as we were living at home we had to pay a third of our earnings in rent, save a third and could spend a third. This covered everything from holiday jobs at 16 to unemployment benefit when looking for work (my one and only dole cheque was for £15 and I had to give my mum £5...).

We knew this was the rule from the word go and so never resented paying this money as we knew that the alternative was finding somewhere else to live...

ErikaMaye Tue 08-Sep-09 22:04:46

Can understand why you wouldn't want to upset her because of her history, but still - that's not fair on you. Before I got ill and was working at the weekend (was at sixth form) I paid my parents 1/3 of my income - seems fair. Regardless of whether I was eating out or at school or whatever. I'd still be using the household goods and services while I was here, so seemed fair.

Considering what she would be paying for even a one bed flat on avarage, asking £200-£300 a month is perfectly reasonable and pretty relaxed.

ReddyMealsAreNotWorthIt Tue 08-Sep-09 22:07:18

What are you frightened of, really? Of course she should be paying you board. If she's threatening you about going back to her dad's, then call her bluff.

She's taking the piss otherwise.

famishedass Tue 08-Sep-09 22:11:50

Of course she should pay rent. You do know you're being bullied don't you?

Give her an ultimatum, tell her if she doesn't set up a monthly standing order from her account to yours, she's gonna have to leave. If she just laughs and continues to come in and out of your home doing as she pleases then change the locks or take her key.

Surely it's OK for her to live with her dad isn't it. My guess is he'll put up with it too, oh, for about 2 months. Then he'll start telling her to pay her way too grin

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