to feel a bit hurt by my friend?

[GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob]

background - friend has children the same age as mine and they go to the same school. We've been friends for about a year and share other friends, have been out together and helped each other out etc

she has always been one of the nicest people I know, she is generous and kind and would do anything for anyone

My ds2 has a ridiculous haircut at the moment his fringe is cut straight across about 2 inches above his eyebrows and his hair slopes down to shoulder length at the back

he looks like a coconut

the reason for it is that he nicked my scissors and hacked his fringe nearly half-way across at that stupidly short length, and when I tried to tidy it up he wailed that I wasn't allowed to cut the back short because he wants a ponytail like Daddy

so I did the best I could with it and it looks tidy, even though it's a daft haircut

anyway lovely friend who I thought really liked me apparently said to a mutual friend the other morning at school

"Have you SEEN XX's hair, what on earth have they done to him" and was laughing and taking the piss

I know it's silly but I feel really hurt and also I feel as though I have to tell everyone we know why he has that haircut

I made dh mention it to his teacher this morning (two boys and two adults, so we take one each into school for the 10 minutes of 'early work', I had ds1 this morning)

AIBU to feel that my trust has been shaken? I would never have expected this friend to take the piss behind my back like that. Now I feel rather sad and wary of all the other people I thought liked me

[GivePeasAChance]

YABU sorry

You said yourself he looks ridiculous. It is hair. It will grow. But at the moment it sounds like it looks very funny.

Laugh along. Because it is funny

[Overmydeadbody]

I can see why you are hurt but I doubt your friend meant anything by it.

You absolutely have to explain to anyone and everyone why he has such a ridiculous haircut. You need to laugh along with thm and if possible be the first to mention it, so they know that you are aware of it's ridiculousness and you didn't choose that haircut.

I don't think it means your trust should be shaken. I really don't.

I have a friend who's daughter chopped her fringe off. The mum was the first to mention it and laugh about the daftness of it. So no one felt ny need to take the piss or talk about it behind their back.

[claw3]

How sure are you that she said that? Have you asked her?

In my experience, playground gossipers often do just that gossip.

[GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob]

I know peas, I know

but I didn't realise quite how ridiculous it looked until I heard this

it has made me feel embarrassed about going into the playground, I hate to think that people are laughing about him and the teachers probably think I am some sort of idiot

maybe I should pin a note to his jumper explaining why his hair looks like that

[Overmydeadbody]

I'd be more worried about the mutual friend's motives for telling you thins and shit stirring tbh.

[Overmydeadbody]

Greeny tell everyone you see why his hair is like that. No one will think you're an idiot then.

[titchy]

You're being rather touchy I think. She didn't take the piss out of him to his face, or to you. She just said what you already knew - that he looked daft! Why on earth did you feel the need to mention it to the teacher BTW?

[GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob]

I don't think the mutual friend meant to be hurtful, just tactless

I was telling her about him cutting his fringe and she said "Ah yes, I wondered because came out of hte classroom the other morning and said....."

I can't tell EVERYONE, there are hundreds of them and I hardly get the chance to speak to anyone in the mornings/pickups

there will be a sizeable majority of people ho think I chose to cut it like that

[shootfromthehip]

Sorry but I think YABU- people do this all the time. She was not making a judgement on you or your kids, merely and unpleasant observation about what you agree is a horrible haircut. No-one is 'nice' through and through but equally it does not make your mate a bad person. You need to accept this as a bit of unfortunate but human pass-remarkableness.

What would worry me more is why your other mate felt the need to tell you? Surely their motives were more likely to need to be explored than someone you otherwise found to be a nice friend?

[GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob]

"She didn't take the piss out of him to his face, or to you."

this is true

but she did take the piss behind my back, which has made me feel hurt

I don't know why I am so bothered by it actually, I know I am overreacting but I just feel like I can't trust her now

[shootfromthehip]

By all means be cautious of her if you want but put it in perspective- she didn't rob your granny of her pension, she took the piss. Not nice but not a hangable offense IMO.

[claw3]

Mutual friend sounds like the one you shouldnt be trusting.

Son has dodgy haircut, that looks ridiculous your words, people will comment.

[GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob]

I really don't think the mutual friend meant any harm, I think she thought I would just laugh

which I did, but I felt like someone had slapped me and now I feel depressed and don't want to go out or see anyone

it's stupid isn't it?

[shootfromthehip]

Aw Greensleeves, don't take it to heart- are you ok apart from this situation?

[MissSunny]

Message withdrawn

[francagoestohollywood]

I really can't see why anyone should feel (or be made) embarrassed by a 5 yr old dodgy haircut.
Children are allowed to have bad haircuts, they look sweet and funny, and the hair will grow soon enough.

I'd be more worried by the other friend telling you that the other friend commented on your ds's haircut.

This shouldn't be a matter of gossip or embarrass, just an innocent laugh between friends, who care for your ds, no matter what his hairstyle is.

[GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob]

I am a bit....on the edge at the moment

am staving off depression and feeling anxious and fragile

so not the best time for a friend to surprise me by being a bitch about my ds2 behind my back

but it's not her fault I am feeling low anyway

I wonder whether I have upset her in some way

[francagoestohollywood]

"just an innocent laugh between friends", I meant a laugh between you and your friends.

[thedollshouse]

She probably didn't mean it in a nasty way.

I remember last year one of the little boys at ds's nursery got hold of a pair of scissors and butchered his sisters hair. Walking up the road to school a few people stopped and said "you have got to see X her hair is hilarious!"

I suspect that your friend assumed that something similar had happened and was laughing with you rather than at you iyswim.

I'm sure people don't think that you gave him the hair cut from hell on purpose. Anyhow it is a rite of passage to have at least one dodgy haircut in childhood!

[GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob]

MissSunny I did tidy it up so it was straight etc, but short of sticking the cut off bits back on there wasn't much I could do to ameliorate it other than cutting the lot off, which would look awful

[francagoestohollywood]

Commenting behind your back is a bit bitchy, I agree. I prefer the direct approach.

[GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob]

there was a thread on here recently about little boys' haircuts and one poster looked at my profile and said that my ds1's hair made him look "a bit special"

so am touchy about that too

[GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob]

franca move back to England

I want to eat cake with you

[Fennel]

I saw greeny's ds2 yesterday and didn't even notice his hair. (will be sure to look carefully next time I see him). so it can't be that odd.

Greeny if you didn't hear the friend directly don't rely on mutual friend, they could be distorting it, if you didn't hear the friend saying that then they probably didn't say it in exactly that way or in just the tone reported back. It's not really fair to think the friend said something awful just based on unreliable hearsay.

(I often put my foot in my mouth. and then am stuck trying to take back the possible implications. it's easy to just say things that sound wrong.

(one example of foot in mouth disease, DP, yesterday, managed to ask a group of children about their good holidays, and managed to single out the little boy who's father had died over the hols, and queried why he said he hadn't had a great holiday. Then he had to try and wriggle out of that...)