OK, sort me out re feeding friend's cats nightmare

[Hassled]

A friend asked me to feed her cats for a fortnight in August while she was on hols. She doesn't live far away, I like cats, no problem. When I went round to collect the key, it became apparent she was under the impression I would be there first thing in the morning, and last thing at night. I didn't say "yes, that's fine" or "no, sorry, that's too much, I'll go in once a day". But when people have fed my cats, I've only ever expected once a day.

Anyway, some days I went twice, mostly I went once. The cats are on the dried Iams anyway, so it wasn't like the food was going manky. I washed the bowls daily, sorted litter tray, put bins out, took bins in again, etc. For 2 weeks. I did register that the friend's parents were clearly around - post picked up some days before I got there, leftover chicken etc in the cats' bowls.

I went on hols the day friend came back so I just put keys through the door on the last day. So that would have been around 20th August. Since then - nothing. No text saying thanks, no phone call, nothing. I've texted her re something else but no response.

All I can conclude is that the parents sussed I wasn't there twice a day and she's hacked off about it. I can't think of a single other explanation. So which of us is being the most unreasonable? Or AIBU for assuming she'd have been in contact by now, given that we usually see each other quite often?

[Yorky]

If her parents were around why did she need you to feed the cat? I am the same as you - once a day is plenty for our cats when we are away. I once fed a friend's cat and she put down 2 bowls of dry food so I wouldn't have to go every day

Have you not text her to ask if she had a good holiday?

[Nancy66]

She is being unreasonable.

You did her a huge favour and she should thank you. But if her parents were there anyway why didn't she just get them to feed the cats?

[IdrisTheDragon]

If anyone feeds our cat when we are away I only expect them to feed her once a day.

So I agree she is being unreasonable.

[EccentricaGallumbits]

once a day would be suficient and all ours get even though the greedy buggers have about 5 meals a day usually. your friend is being weird.

[MmeLindt]

Also confused why she asked you when her parents were there anyway.

I feed my neighbours cats when they are away and go over twice a day (let them out in the morning and back in at night) but it is no hassle, aside from getting bloody Boris to come back in the house. My neighbours gave us a voucher for a posh restaurant and an evening babysitting as a thankyou.

Your friend is being very unreasonable, she should get in touch and thank you for looking after ther cats.

[plantsitter]

Yes definitely once a day. Perhaps she forgot to buy you a present and is feeling guilty and not getting in touch!

[notevenamousie]

I don't expect anyone even once a day for my cat. They can pace their own intake through 2 days of food. YANBU.

[MissCleverknickers]

No YANBU. It does sound very odd.

My neighbours are away and we are currently feeding their cat. Can't imagine them coming back and being like this. Whenever we go away we only ask people to come in once a day...

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Your friend is being really rude. If she is upset because you didn't go in twice (though I don't see how she could have known) she is being precious and pathetic. More likely she is just rude.

[gagamama]

Hmm, I think you're jumping the gun a little bit. You only assumed that she expected you to go in twice a day, and you did go away the day she got back, so perhaps she thinks you're still away/busy sorting things out post-holiday or something. I can't imagine why she'd expect up to three visits a day for her empty house and cats (unless she doesn't have a catflap, but even then). You've done nothing wrong whatsoever, you've been a great friend and help. Is she usually quite precious and demanding?

[stealthsquiggle]

She is the one BU. Definitely. Cats didn't starve, therefore you did the job and she should thank you accordingly.

I say this with slight guilt, as when my parents looked after our house they had to come round twice a day to let chickens out and shut them up again - and they also watered plants, fed cat, stuck around a little while to keep her company, etc, etc.

They are away at the moment and I am being distinctly lax - definitely only once a day, no time for cuddles for cats (unless I take DC with me, and even then it is brief) and I haven't exactly been looking after everything as per instructions (they have a swimming pool. It is way too flipping cold to swim, so I have jacked the chlorine level up and will clean it - once - shortly before they return ). However, both cats and plants will be alive and well when they return, which is good enough IMHO.

[JudgeGibByTheCutOfHerJib]

YANBU

How rude that she has not even replied to the text you sent let alone thanked you.

I would not expect someone to feed my cat twice a day, once is enough and greatly appreciated. It has been said already but if parents were there could they not attend to cats (apparent) many needs?

[DrunkenDaisy]

That is so rude. When we went on holiday for 2 weeks this summer a gave a student 40 quid for coming over once a day. I also asked the next door neighbours to go in occasionally and i gave them a very expensive bottle of wine and a box of chocs.

[Hassled]

Thank you all SO much. I was getting all paranoid and guilty and nuts about it. I am never feeding anyone's cats ever again.

Parents are elderly and live other side of town - but yes, why she asked me when she must have known they would be very much around is beyond me. She is precious about her cats - I reckon the parents were there to give the cats some "quality time".

We have DCs at the same school, so it's only a matter of time before I see her in the playground - I think I'll just ask how the cats are and see what happens .

[stealthsquiggle]

LOL at quality time. When I was ~10 our regular cat-sitter was DB's violin teacher - he would spend hours there every day because 'the cats were lonely' - nothing to do with the fact that he lived round the corner with his parents and we had a piano which he could use for his composing, of course .

[GibbonInARibbon]

You have no reason to feel guilty, as I said to not even reply to your text is so rude.

Hold you head high Hassled. You were top drawer kitty carer imo.

[CurlyQueen]

People do get very PFBish about their pets - if they actually said you should go twice a day and you agreed then didn't then they would be allowed to be annoyed. But it doesn't sound like that's what has happened.

You don't know they are in a mood with you - why not contact them in a friendly manner to say hi and ask how their holiday went? Then you can suss out if something is actually wrong.

[thirtysomething]

We have fussy cats and no cat-flap so if we are away someone has to come in twice a day to feed and let in/out. I think this is too big an ask of any of my friends as they are all so busy so we tend to pay a cat-feeding service £5-10 a day for the privelege. cattery costs upwards of £10 a day for multiple cats. You have done her an enormous favour and she is being extremely rude not to send you a thank you card/text/present.

If I were you I would be extremely annoyed I think....

If we ever ask our neighbours just to feed the cats once if we are away overnight we would always give them a box of chocs or bottle of wine. Some people just don't know how lucky they are to have friends like you!!

[ShellingPeas]

YANBU

We had a friend feed our cats for a week while we were away and yes, she did come in twice a day (as far as I know...) but she lives just round the corner so was happy to do it (I think...).

On returning I thanked her profusely, gave her some handmade chocs and took her and her 2 DCs out for the day.

Your friend is being rude and ungrateful and little precious.

[allaboutme]

She is being v rude to have ignored your text and to not have thanked you, but it is quite a leap to then assume that she is cross because you didnt go in twice a day!
Are you sure she is ok? Not having a stressful week or something and up to her ears in it so just hasnt had the time to think about calling you?

[picmaestress]

It's utterly outrageous that she has not said thank you, how rude. It's totally irrelevant how many times you went a day, and the parents couldn't possibly know if you did or didn't.
I would tell your mutual friends what happened and let it filter back to her along the lines of 'Hassled was pretty confused at you not saying thanks for feeding your cats for two weeks?'

Wow. Strange lady. I can't imagine she'll have many offers to help from now on!

[Hassled]

Thanks again - yes, the assumption that she is cross is quite a leap and it's possible I have it wrong. But I just can't see why else she hasn't been in touch. She's not a rude person (until now). There HAS to be something, and the twice a day thing is all I have.

I know through mutual friends that she is around and fine. And yes, I will work on the mutual friends until I find out what's going on because it is doing my head in.

Never feed a friend's cat. Be warned .

[meakin]

Maybe her parents riffled through her personal stuff and she found everything out of place when she returned home and thought it was you...maybe the cats ate the door keys you put through the letter box and died...it would really bug me too not to know but i find that when i think it is something I've done it is rarely to do with me in the end. I'd text her again and just ask if you have done something to annoy her as you were expecting to have heard from her by now.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Maybe her dad used her vibrator and she thought it was you

[EasyEggs]

YANBU. What a strange and quite frankly rude woman

She ought to be thankful her cats are alive and well, I asked my friend to do the same and the day after we got to our destination she phoned to say my cat had died

Anyway back to the op - just ring her and pretend you haven't even noticed anything is wrong. Ask if she had a good holiday or something and see what she says?

But definately never agree to do it again.