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To be pissed off that someone stole DS's drink?

(19 Posts)
Gangle Mon 07-Sep-09 16:29:22

I know I am but need to be told in no uncertain terms so I can stop mulling this over! We have a nanny share with another family who are great save that the dad can be a bit competitive at times. There have been a few occasions where he has been a bit odd (taking things from my DS, 17 months, to give to his son etc) which I let go but there was an incident last weekend when we were out in the park which I think is pretty unfair. We had decided to grab coffee so the dad and I went into order - I said I would get DS a milkshake and he said, why don't he and his son share it. So I said fine. The lady behind the counter made one huge milkshake and gave it to us in a big plastic cup with a lid on. I then asked if we could have a second cup and straw so she poured the remaining bit of milkshake from the blender (about 2 inches) into a second smaller cup and put it all on a tray. I tried to pour some of the milkshake from the big cup into the smaller one but it threatened to make a big mess and there was a queue behind us so I left it. The dad then decides to take the tray out whilst I pay the bill (which at £15.50) wasn't cheap. As I stood there, I thought, I guarantee he will give his son the huge milkshake and my son will get the 2 inch dregs. Took ages to pay but finally got my change, went out and, as I thought, the dad had sat himself next to DS in his buggy and was holding the straw to his mouth so there was no option for me to swap them or to pour more into DS's cup to even things out. Also really strange that this dad would chose to give my son his drink - why not his own son? Just find it really rude given that I paid over £3 for a milkshake and DS barely had any. Just wouldn't occur to me to do something like that - I would be thinking, lets split equally or if you paid then I'm happy for your son to have the milkshake. So silly I know but a few other similar things have happened and this was just the final straw.

belgo Mon 07-Sep-09 16:35:08

YANBU. I understand it's annoying if this sort of thing happens regularly.

sixlostmonkeys Mon 07-Sep-09 16:37:39

I'd simply be on your guard next time - if an occasion arises where he suggests they share, just reply all bright and breezy with "oh no best not or we will end up with another milk-shake-dregs escapade"
he will either realise you have cottoned on to him and stop being so cheeky or will get defensive. If it's the latter then you know you will be best to change the arrangements all round.

Gangle Mon 07-Sep-09 16:38:26

urrrgh, what do you do Belgo? Feels so petty so say something but really grating on me. Maybe I should just be less polite/starting grabbing things for DS without sharing.

gorionine Mon 07-Sep-09 16:39:03

Did he not at all propose to pay for part of the drink? YANBU, quite a rude attitude!

Gangle Mon 07-Sep-09 16:40:25

Just makes me worry what sort of treatment DS has whilst at their house . . .

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 07-Sep-09 17:05:34

YANBU - the drink was to be shared and he ensured that it was not. Only a saint would not be pissed off. And as you said, this is just an example, there have been several incidents.

If you don't want it to continue to grate you are going to have to say something. And not after the fact, but at the time. You could have sat down, said "oh, pass the shake over so that I can give DS his share". No help now I know, but it doesn't have to be an attack and put him on the defensive. Just behave as if sharing is normal, expected and indeed compulsory.

Next time you witness him do something, SAY something, maybe along the lines of "do you know what you've just done?" said in an amused tone. And yes, finish off with "I hope you don't do that when I'm not around!"

Maybe talk to his wife?

diddl Mon 07-Sep-09 17:14:47

15.50 for one shake & two coffees????
Ye gods!!

You are friends with this guy if you were at the park with him and children?

So why didn´t just ask to put more shake in your son´s cup?

I guess in future just order & pay for your own things.
Or take drinks and snacks with and don´t share!!

Gangle Mon 07-Sep-09 17:21:15

And 3 pieces of cake and a bottle of water. Even if I did ask, it's more the point that he should have offered. Yes, maybe I should stop sharing. I frequently share DS's raisins/rice cakes with the other baby but it's not reciprocated which is just making me feel taken advantage of. Certainly won't offer to pay for anything in future and will make sure DS has his own drink/cake etc.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 07-Sep-09 17:23:54

It does sound like he is taking advantage of your kind nature.

sweethoney Mon 07-Sep-09 17:28:13

Yes these things are grating, if you are noticing more and more it is obviously a genuine habit on his behalf.
I agree that I would be concerned as to what happens in your absence, especially as a 17 month old can't really tell you. However, I presume that when you are not there, it is the nanny who has the children rather than the dad.
In future, just buy your own and stick to it. No-one likes being taken for a mug and by the sounds as if he will just continue to take advantage. Shame really as it feels much better to share and take it in turns.

diddl Mon 07-Sep-09 17:46:24


He should have offered, of course.

And it can be hard not to share where children are concerned.
(Although not for this father, it would seem!)

oldraver Mon 07-Sep-09 18:59:58

I would of just said "pass the shake so I can share them equally". I take it he gave the bigger one to his DS ?

vanimal Mon 07-Sep-09 19:59:40

YANBU. Incredibly rude of him to a) walk off with the tray and not offer to pay and of course b) to give his DS a bigger share.

But I would just ask him outright - can you pass me the shake so I can give DS some more in his cup?

Stingy git.

Firawla Mon 07-Sep-09 22:37:39

next time if he says lets share, just say "no thank you" and you could explain him its due to his behaviour like this?

LynetteScavo Mon 07-Sep-09 22:43:09


Try to be more assertive or he will keep walking all over you.

nelliesmum Mon 07-Sep-09 22:55:53

He's a bloke and therefore totally oblivious, what do you expect?

mrsboogie Mon 07-Sep-09 23:20:08

totally oblivious to what? the concept of sharing? bit of a sweeping gender statement there eh?

sandcastles Mon 07-Sep-09 23:55:59

nelliesmum, this isn't about being a bloke! It is the height of bad manners not to offer to share the cost, a concept that my hubby gets very well, along with sharing!

It is rude & I would make provisions for my dc & not his, if that is his attitude. Maybe next time take stuff from home, but just enough for your family.

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