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to be annoyed with my these women's snide digs?!

(17 Posts)
onthepier Mon 07-Sep-09 13:40:10

There are a couple of other mums whose children don't all go to the same school as mine, but we see each other regularly at after school clubs/holiday clubs etc.

I got to know these women when we all worked together around 15 years ago. As far as I was concerned I went in every day, did my job and was sociable, but they all commented (and sometimes still do), on how quiet and shy I apparently was, even making comments that I used to blush when my boyfriend, (now my dh), used to meet me outside work.hmmblush

Even now when we've all got the children with us, it's "I'm surprised ONTHEPIER even came along to this club with the dc's on her own, we used to think she wouldn't say boo to a goose!" One of them will sometimes mimic how I (apparently) used to talk to my dh when we were first going out together. My dh has a naturally loud voice and is a very confident type. I'm confident and sure of myself, but being quietly spoken that may not always come across.

This same lady will also frequently comment (in front of my dc's), how many driving tests I took (and failed!) in that time, and says to my dc's, I bet it takes you AGES to get everywhere by bus! I still haven't passed by the way, decided years ago that driving wasn't for me but certainly don't struggle getting around!

I must sometimes look embarrassed as one of them will say, "Oh come on, we don't mean anything by it, it was years ago!" I'm considering changing my children's groups to another local area though because of this, it's a shame but it's beginning to feel like school playground bullying, and I don't like my dc's to see me in this position.

My dd is quite shy and for instance, if she goes up to the counter to ask for a drink or something she wants me with her which I don't mind. Of course these other parents say, "Oh BLESS!" every time and laugh. Their children in my opinion, are so over confident that they can be irritating!

Anybody think I'm taking all this too personally?

onthepier Mon 07-Sep-09 13:41:44

Sorry, heading should read "to be annoyed with these women's snide digs"!

Tortington Mon 07-Sep-09 13:43:47

its horrible when people use the passive agressive stance of making themselves seem more confident, in control and powerful.

yes, i think if it has botheed you this much to ask advice, you perhaps should look elsewhere.

its a horrible gut wrenching feeling especially when its done in a way which you can't question, it's a very subtle, clever way of bullying

curiositykilled Mon 07-Sep-09 13:48:55

Yes, I think you should do something about it but if it were me I would just stand up to them and say how you feel rather than running away by changing your dc's groups. Why should you change your life for them?

bumpsoon Mon 07-Sep-09 13:50:14

could you not come back at them with some witty reposte such as 'didnt you used to be alot slimmer /have less chins when we worked together '

cutekids Mon 07-Sep-09 13:54:57

or...well,we've ALL changed alot since then haven't we.....?!wink
people have always done this to me too....i think they're taken aback by how different i come across now as to when i went to school etc....which was a bloody long time ago lol!

YorkshireRose Mon 07-Sep-09 13:56:34

Perhaps try to get friendly with some of the other mothers at the group, then completely ignore this crowd of harpies.

Yes, this is bullying. They are probably jealous of you (perhaps they fancy your DH, or you are better looking than them?) so they are trying to dent your confidence.

Don't even bother speaking to them. If they persist in making these remarks just say "that is very rude. If you can't say anything nice, just don't say anything at all"

Agree that going to another group is letting them win and is not fair on your dd who has probably made friends there.

Roomfor2 Mon 07-Sep-09 14:01:24

What bitches! Sounds like they have painted you with that brush and whatever you do, they will always see you like that (even though they are wrong!)

I would definitely move groups - it would be better for your DCs to be away from that atmosphere, too.

ginnny Mon 07-Sep-09 14:08:16

I'm surprised you've put up with it this long. They sound like nasty bitchy school girls and should know better.
I'd tell them all to get stuffed and make some new, nicer friends.

cyteen Mon 07-Sep-09 14:12:10

Jeez, these girls clearly have way too much time on their hands. Just be thankful your life has enough meaning that you don't have to validate yourself by wallowing in a fake idea of the past.

Oh and next time one of them says "Oh come on, we don't mean anything by it, it was years ago!", smile pityingly and say "And yet you're still going on about it." Or, if you're feeling more forthright, "Yes it was, so why don't you shut the fuck up you sad old gasbag?"

claw3 Mon 07-Sep-09 14:15:03

I would be tempted to them to fuck off......followed by i was only joking, you should have seen the look on your face.

carelesswhispers Mon 07-Sep-09 14:20:19

agree completely with cyteen grin
try & befriend some of the other mums of the group & avoid these gutter snipes .

ThingumyandBob Mon 07-Sep-09 17:25:58

Might be a bit of hassle but I’d drop them and join a group elsewhere….you only need to ignore a few text messages and not be around anymore and they’ll soon get the message.

I dropped a couple of ‘friends’ because quite frankly they made me feel like crap, same thing, we used to work together and they used to drag up all the old stuff. It felt great, I now have new friends who don’t make comments and go on and on about things that happened nearly a decade ago.

Anyway 15 years is a blooming long time, you change a lot in that time…they don’t sound like they will be much of a loss. As for laughing and saying ‘oh bless’ at your DD…I agree with claw…I’d tell them to fuck off, ha, except I wouldn’t be joking…!

giveloveachance Mon 07-Sep-09 17:32:20

you sound lovely and your dd sounds lovely too - forget those other women they are being mean.

I would say 'thats rather rude' or something, let them know that is not acceptable when they next say something hurtful and if they don't say sorry - move on. You sound far too good for them.

jambutty Mon 07-Sep-09 17:34:08

Yes, bullying indeed. They need you to be the person they thought you were 15 years ago so that they can have someone to look down on. They clearly haven't grown up. It would be good if you could say something to them - I'd find that really hard, much easier to tell someone to do it than do it yourself! Just think about showing your children how deal with that sort of behaviour.

I have a "friend" I met at university in 1982 who sent me an email earlier this year commenting on my job title: "You've come a long way from the frightened little thing who couldn't find her way round halls!" to which I replied "Still with x? You are my FAVOURITE serial monogamist". She hasn't written back.

LilMissPerimenopause Mon 07-Sep-09 17:43:30

Ugh, what is it that makes grown women behave like playground bitches. I have had the same experience, as a few of the horrible women I was at school with now have kids in the same classes as mine.

On the face of it they are pleasant enough, but on rare occasions when we see each other socially it is like being back at school. I was very shy and did get picked on by them, and the last time they started I merely advised them of where to go. Not subtle, but effective.

StayFrosty Mon 07-Sep-09 17:48:06

"That was kind of rude. Did you mean to be rude?"

Do your dcs all like each other? Do you have anything to lose by ditching these people?

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