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Split up with ex in April, not much contact from inlaws.....

(8 Posts)
startingagain Sun 06-Sep-09 00:05:21

It is giving me the hump to be honest.....should i try harder to get over it and move on....?
We split up in April, i am in the house with the kids....paying all the bills i hasten to add.
He is living with his parents and is not interested in talking to me at all, has gone abit weird and has banned me from contacting him at all! I have really tried to keep this amicable.
Anyway, to start with i popped into see his mum once a week or so for a coffee i also went over to other of his family members houses to visit their children on their birthdays and mixed with his family then. I have noticed though, that not one of them has come here or even phoned to ask how we are. I have now stopped calling in to his mums but we have another childs birthday i will need to go and visit and buy a pressie for soon and i am wondering if they are actually trying to tell me something??!!

picmaestress Sun 06-Sep-09 00:09:47

It's early days hun. He's probably finding it very hard, and needs some time away from you to get his head sorted out. Do you know how he is? Is he depressed or not coping very well with the split? His parents/family might be protecting him if he's really struggling emotionally.

Most people just stick to child arrangements, not trying to be friends. Families often close ranks if they are concerned about someone in distress. Stick to making sure he has access to the kids and leave him and his family alone to recover is my advice.

startingagain Sun 06-Sep-09 00:13:09

Thanks for your reply.

I suppose it is early days really, it seems like ages to me but really it isn't!

I think he is struggling abit financially, work problems etc., I do actually feel for him about that.

I think he is glad to be away from me, we were driving each other mad! But i suppose it must be hard for him missing the kids etc.,

Ok, i will calm down and let things go for a while. Thank yousmile

2rebecca Sun 06-Sep-09 09:57:37

They are now your ex inlaws. Some women continue to have contact with them but many like me don't. My ex now takes the kids to see his parents and siblings and I have very little to do with them, similarly my ex has little to do with my side of the family although cards are exchanged.
I think divorce helped me see that all the stuff about all being 1 happy family when you marry is a myth as the 2 families split easily into 2 again when you separate.
Your exhusband not seeing much of his kids is sad. His family are now his business even though they are your kids' relatives.

akhems Sun 06-Sep-09 10:04:02

Normal I think.. when I split from my ex-h we never heard from any of the in-laws again.. despite our children being their grandchildren/niece/nephew/cousins etc

Same thing when my 2nd broke up, never ever heard from any of them again, despite being really good friends with them.

It's very sad but I suppose they feel awkward.

Snorbs Sun 06-Sep-09 10:37:48

When I split from my ex I lost all contact with the inlaws for ages. It didn't bother me personally that much but I was annoyed that there was little contact between them and my DCs.

Once most of the dust had settled though things got a bit better. Ex-SIL, in particular, has been a star. As akhem says there was a lot of awkwardness and I think they didn't want to get put in the middle of the troubles between my ex and I.

LisaD1 Sun 06-Sep-09 20:51:11

Maybe your ex is making it difficult for them to stay in touch with you? My brother's wife left him last year, when their twins were just a few months old, I am the only member of the family that has no contact with her and the only one my brother still talks to as he gets furious with what he sees as being disloyal. I had a choice to make and I chose my brother, is it possible your ex inlaws are facing similar problems? I must say though that if staying in touch with my ex sis in law was the only way to see my nephews then I would have made a different choice! My brother has 60% (and often more) residency so my relationship with the boys isn't affected.

startingagain Sun 06-Sep-09 23:38:16

You have all helped me put this into perspective, thankssmile

I can't imagine he is making it difficult for my ex inlaws, but then again who knows. Whenever i phone him (hardly at all nowadays) he is always off with me and makes it sound as if i am giving him a hard time, i know they are there listening as i can hear them. Maybe he makes out i am not being cooperative...oh, i don't know.

Just seems sad, i used to get on well with them and i miss the little onessad

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