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AIBU?

My husband has been mugged (or something). I lack sympathy. Am I very horrible or just slightly awful?

180 replies

NeverLeapfrogOverAUnicorn · 05/09/2009 12:48

On another of his benders. Went off to get computer fixed at 930am yesterday morning. About 3pm I phoned him 4 times in a row - it rang but no answer and then the 5th time his phone was off I wouldn't mind but I was only trying to get him because I needed a number that's stored on his phone! I didn't give a shit where he was! Anyway, I digress...

So no sign of him last night. I took the kids to my parents' house, had a moan (and a fag!) came home, went to bed. No sign of him this morning. Oh well, I thought. Went to Tesco, came back. Cos you see, I no longer care where he is when he disappears. I just plod on with my day.

Got a phone call from him. "Turned your mobile back on now I see" was my opener

Anyway. Turns out the stupid drunken fuck met some blokes last night, went with them back to their place to carry on drinking and overhead them in another room talking about beating him up and taking his wallet!

So he legged it!

But no wallet or keys

And he's been wandering round for hours because he didn't want to call me!

So I am now waiting for locksmith, have cancelled all the cards, and am waiting for him to get up (yes, he went to bed cos he's knackered and upset!) so he can report it to the police so I can get a crime number which is the only way the insurance company will change my car lock!

Oh, and we are now £80 lighter so lets hope the kids old school shoes still fit cos I now can't buy them new ones.

I know I ought to feel sorry for him but I just think he's a twat and maybe this'll teach him!

OP posts:

Report

NeverLeapfrogOverAUnicorn · 05/09/2009 12:49

that's overheard, obviously!

OP posts:

CybilLiberty · 05/09/2009 12:49

I wouldn't feel sorry for him either. Staying out all night and getting bladdered, is he 17? TBH it all sounds a bit fishy to me.

NoahFence · 05/09/2009 12:50

Is he gay?

kormachameleon · 05/09/2009 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/09/2009 12:51

You are neither horrible nor just slightly awful. What you do sound is tired and resigned. for you.

NoahFence · 05/09/2009 12:51

Or an addict of somekind
i think

NeverLeapfrogOverAUnicorn · 05/09/2009 12:51

No, he's 45.

fishy? why, what are you thinking?

OP posts:

CybilLiberty · 05/09/2009 12:52

or playing away?

Nancy66 · 05/09/2009 12:52

I wouldn't have any sympathy and I wouldn't particularly believe the story either. Addicts invent all sorts of crap (usually stories of woe) to justify their actions and why they are asking you for money.

NoahFence · 05/09/2009 12:52

well WHy would he go off with other men?

drugs?
sex

wpidlnt be the first time

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/09/2009 12:52

BTW, are you going to give him a set of keys for the new lock?

MadameOvary · 05/09/2009 12:53

Do you believe him?
Might he have spent the £80 and just lost his keys?
Sounds like you have been fed up with this sort of thing for a LONG time.

bigchris · 05/09/2009 12:53

are u sure he wasnt with a woman all night?
he knows where the flat is presumably so coild phone police?

CybilLiberty · 05/09/2009 12:53

It seems a bit odd that a 45 yr old man meets some guys he doesn't know and goes back with them to their place. I'm not thinking 'gay', just a convenient tale as to why his wallet and keys are lost

NeverLeapfrogOverAUnicorn · 05/09/2009 12:54

Gay - I do sometimes wonder if he might be, actually.

disappearing - yup. not as much as he used to, but he does take off, 'sleep in the car' and come back the next day. This used to be weekly or more, but in the last few years it has become less frequent.

Now there's a cycle - cos he has (although he won't admit it) a drink problem. he says he will take a break from drinking - then he starts having a drink - then he starts drinking a bottle of JD - then he takes off - then he decides to take a break..

OP posts:

Sn0wflake · 05/09/2009 12:54

I'm hoping he has some good sides because I would not put up with this at all....I would throw him out. Doesn't sound like the sort of person who adds anything to your life.

Lilyloo · 05/09/2009 12:55

Well am presuming he can verify address for the police when they come if his story is true ?

Poor you and kids , what a complete and utter idiot.
Sounds like your used to it

CybilLiberty · 05/09/2009 12:56

He does sound like quite a catch. You're a very lucky lady

NeverLeapfrogOverAUnicorn · 05/09/2009 13:02

Oh yes, he's a keeper

He does have a good side - and that's the problem! He's kind, funny, intelligent (usually!), generous, a brilliant fully hands on dad, helps me (I'm not in good health) etc etc.

If he was an out and out shit it would be so easy!

I will be here when he reports to the police so it will be interesting to hear what he says.

The thing is, I can quite believe him going back to drink with some blokes he's met down the pub - he's that trusting after a drink!

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 05/09/2009 13:04

when he verifies the address with the police for their report, I would be taking a drive round there to suss it out

I would also be asking the police if they believe his "story"

what a crock of shite

I would no longer be married to this man, if this is how he behaves over a long period ot time

you feel sorry for him ? I feel sorry for you and your kids

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/09/2009 13:07

Can you USE this incident - to get him to wise up and see he needs to deal with his drinking? To accept that it is a problem?

Nancy66 · 05/09/2009 13:08

Can he remember where the house/flat was that he supposedly went to?

NeverLeapfrogOverAUnicorn · 05/09/2009 13:09

That's a good idea AF. I had to go rescue him this morning with the spare key, and so saw the area - broomhill, sheffield - and damn it did look rough!

Thing is, if this happened in the early hours of the morning, then that still means he had gone on a bender and turned off his phone and everything - nothing to do with what happened later.

I wish I could catch him with another woman (or man!) or he's punch me or something, so I could kick him out! Somehow being 'dissatisfied' with certain behaviours that crop up periodically doesn't seem enough to see my kids without a dad in the house.

OP posts:

NeverLeapfrogOverAUnicorn · 05/09/2009 13:10

I will, WYLI - when he gets up we shall be discussing this at length!

nancy - again, I'll find that out when he wakes up.

I think he feels awful and stupid. Good.

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AnyFucker · 05/09/2009 13:13

you are waiting to catch him out, why ?

it certainly seems to me he is a crap husband, which is more than enough to give him his marching orders

he will of course continue to behave like a selfish 17 year old if you let him off the hook every time

you are enabling his self-destructive behaviour

you say you don't care what he is up to and where he is when he's on a "bender"

not much of a basis for a marriage, is it ?

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