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to be thinking of not coming back when I go on hols with DC

(14 Posts)
NotSoSkinnyNow Fri 04-Sep-09 23:33:58

Am going away tomorrow with DC (2). DH not coming as we're going to my parents with whom he does not get on. It means I have to fly alone with DS (15 months) and DD (10 weeks). I'm going to introduce DD to my entire family and spent time with them, which does not happen very often.
DH has really upset me. It happens on a regular basis, but tonight, I just feel so awful. He's not being at all supportive of me going, or at all helpful. and lets face it, to get me and two dcs out the door need a bit of help considering I no longer have a car and have to travel 4 hours to get to airport, bringing bags, baggage, double buggy and two carseats which I will need when we get there.
I just want to cry. But have to go and get clothes washed, dried and packed between feeds for DD as DH refused to look after them this afternoon so I could get stuff done. We need to leave home at 1am tomorrow morning to get to airport and I just know I'm going to be shattered which will make the whole journey even more difficult. I'll be up several times tonight with DD, and be up for the day at 6am, probably won't get any rest between then and leaving.

mrsboogie Fri 04-Sep-09 23:37:43

When you get there call him and say you are never coming back and then turn your phone off fora few days.

Have a think then about whether he is of any use to you at all.

There is no way on this earth I would do what you are about to do on my own and he is a prize wanker for making you do it.

nevergoogledragonbutter Fri 04-Sep-09 23:38:42

i'd go and tell him now. if he doesn't help you, you will have to seriously consider whether he's worth coming back to. Give him the option.

groundhogs Fri 04-Sep-09 23:41:37

poor you, yanbu, men are shit! This time tomorrow it'll all be in the past and you'll be with yr family. Is it him that doesn't get on with them btw? Sounds like a dh i know... have a wonderful break, sounds like you deserve it.

AnyFucker Fri 04-Sep-09 23:42:12

ohhhhh, he sounds awful

are you getting anything out of this relationship?

he "refused" to watch the kids while you got stuff done?

I expect he objected to being asked to "babysit" his own children

prize wanker

you are totally justified if you bin him off

NotSoSkinnyNow Fri 04-Sep-09 23:46:20

trouble is, if I give him the option, he'll just say "off you go then". He's not one to realise that he could lose us all and try to make things better. He would probably end up getting himself into trouble.
I love him very much, but I'm just so tired mentally and physically. He has mental health probs, which he is having difficulty in coming to terms with. He needs help and support, which I try to give him, but I'm just about ready to give up.
I thought this would be a nice break, but he's making it so hard. But then he says that its because he's not happy we're going - he's going to miss us blah blah blah. I just wish he'd realise that I need a break too.

NotSoSkinnyNow Fri 04-Sep-09 23:50:05

I have a reasonably good relationship with my family. it was great until a huge argument between him and my parents, now I feel stuck between rock and hard place. We used to live near them but moved and at the time DH promised that it would not be a problem for me to go see them as often as I wanted/could afford. But now every time I go (which is not very often) there seems to be issues with him.

mrsboogie Fri 04-Sep-09 23:50:16

oh fuck I hate that - men talking about babysitting their own kids as if they are doing you some kind of favour.

To be honest OP, and no offence meant, you sound like a bit of a walkover. He shouldn't really feel that he is in a position to arbitrarily refuse to look after his own kids.

When you are away, and if you decide to return to this bell end of a man, you should, at least, think about binning Mrs Nice Guy - she ain't getting the respect she deserves!

nevergoogledragonbutter Fri 04-Sep-09 23:50:54

you really need this holiday.
give yourself time to think about everything.

mrsboogie Fri 04-Sep-09 23:52:32

it's all about him isn't it notsoskinnynow?

NotSoSkinnyNow Fri 04-Sep-09 23:53:15

I am a walkover, and think I might have a bit of PND, but can't really talk about it.

NotSoSkinnyNow Fri 04-Sep-09 23:56:16

yes, it is! everything is always about him. It's driving me mad. I wonder where the lines got blurred between me being supportive and trying to help him get better, and doing everythning for him to the point that now our whole house and routine is centred around him and not the DCs. I really see myself as a single mother living with a man who has gone from being my DH to being a complete stranger.

AnyFucker Fri 04-Sep-09 23:56:58

he will miss when you are gone for good

he needs to step up, and you need to make him realise he is in serious danger of losing his family

I fear that you will have to put your money where your mouth is, if he is in the habit of dismissing your feelings and concerns

there is no point threatening him if it empty, every time you do that he loses more respect for you as a confident woman who knows her own mind

make your mind up if this life he gives you is acceptable

now if he does not want to accept your help/support and uses his illness as an excuse to treat you like a 2nd class citizen, you cannot fix him

does it not tell you anything that he would so easily tell you to just get out of his life ??

shockers Sat 05-Sep-09 00:13:34

You are just about to set off so you probably won't read this but just in case...have a wonderful time with your family.... let them 'take over' with child care and don'r get stressed about it... most of all, try to relax as much as you can because decisions are best made that way.
XXX

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