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To be so sad at reading the bereavement threads and to not stop crying and want everyone to be safe

(17 Posts)
ineedalifechange Fri 04-Sep-09 16:19:31

Sorry to sound so self-pitying, my heart goes out to all who have lost someone recently. I'm no stranger to death, I've lost two aunties in the past, my grandma when I was pregnant, two distant friends have died, and I've lost two babies through MC.

However, whenever I see those threads I can't stop crying. It makes me realise how precious life is. And makes me feel I shouldn't be taking it for granted - but that's life, isn't it, you take it for granted?

I just kissed my DD and held her tight, but what scares me about this world is how you can't keep them safe, or your loved ones safe. I wish I could.

Am I the only one, how do you deal with it?

I couldn't even watch that programme "1930's in Colour" without crying my eyes out at seeing all the people who were killed in concetration camps and the faces of the little children haunted me.

Is this normal?

PeedOffWithNits Fri 04-Sep-09 16:28:21

I have days when I am like that, over the news or something.Especially about children, and especially since losing a baby (stillborn)

It shows you have compassion and empathy which is good, we SHOULD be bothered when some poor child dies at the hands of an abusive parent, or when an entire family is wiped out in a motorway accident, or ANOTHER teen is stabbed to death - the day we stop caring about things like these is the day be stop being human

DH had an accident last yr - knocked off his bicycle by a car driver, his head smashed the car windscreen and wrecked his helmet but luckily just cuts and bruises......just reinforces that every day with your loved ones is precious

i think its ok to feek sad when reading about death and sadness. Maybe if it upsets you so much you shouldnt read it.
sometimes we do take things for grated, shame it takes sad news to make us notice.

ineedalifechange Fri 04-Sep-09 16:44:39

I think I'm going to have to stop reading it.

Even seeing blinkin the pictures of Michael Jacksons mum at his funeral made me mist up, thinking how she must have been feeling! Stupid!

stickylittlefingers Fri 04-Sep-09 16:55:18

ineedalifechange I'm completely with you. I don't watch any programmes or films about death, especially about children - I find it hard enough not to panic daily about where my family are and whether they're all OK, without adding pretend people.

The threads here are different in that they are real people, but all you can do is hope they have the strength to get through it, hope you would too - and try and focus on the fact that most people are absolutely fine most of the time. There's no reason to panic or get upset (SLF tells herself sternly).

My best was crying at the advert for pork chops. I'm a crybaby and I get sad much much too easily. I wonder is there an over-empathy gene or something?

ineedalifechange Fri 04-Sep-09 17:02:14

porkchops? what happened to them?!

I think I am slightly over-empathetic. I just can't control myself. But I don't do it front of others - Im too in control. I'm such a freak really!

I can't bear the news either, I can't bear to hear about children being hurt, about people beating up old people, about someone dying of cancer....oh it's way to painful. It's like Im there, Im feeling it.

I've just sent my DD to nursery for the first time and already I'm panicking about what happens when shes there. What if they take her out, what if she falls over....I'm half expecting someone to turn up at the door because I'm imagining all these scenarios and cry over it already!!!

stickylittlefingers Fri 04-Sep-09 17:14:19

Jeez ineeda - are you me? That's exactly what I do and it's so darn stupid.

Before you worry - it wasn't the pork chops themselves - the admen had managed to spin it into this whole story of a couple and they got old and they were still in love. People loving each other also makes me cry.

Probably you're now saying - actually SLF, I'm fine - you're the freak!!

stickylittlefingers Fri 04-Sep-09 17:14:51

Still loving each other and the pork chops, you see. You had to be there...

ineedalifechange Fri 04-Sep-09 17:17:19

or still loving the same old pork chops.......

It's blinkin awful. I was in the shops today smiling at all the children and thinking I love kids, then worrying about my dd and then imagining all these terrible things.

Sometimes I cry at night because I get so upset. But not, I may hasten to add, at pork chops.

stickylittlefingers Fri 04-Sep-09 17:20:36

OK - you win. I'm the nutter. You're Totally Sane.

Crybaby!

grin

Actors sometimes find it hard to cry at the right moment. I wonder could we be cry-doubles? I see a lucrative hollywood career in front of me...

ineedalifechange Fri 04-Sep-09 17:22:27

yes me too. I can see it now. crying double.....oh how exciting!
At least i know I'm not the only freak...

stickylittlefingers Fri 04-Sep-09 17:27:02

Hands ineeda the FreaksUnited membership certificate.

And a ticket to LAX.

ineedalifechange Fri 04-Sep-09 17:32:13

LA baby here we come!

stickylittlefingers Fri 04-Sep-09 17:33:12

Seriously tho, you have to keep it balanced. I do really feel for people I see on the news, or people here - and I think that's healthy. But the worrying yourself sick about things that could happen to your dc is really not and (I think I can say this as a fellow freak) a little self indulgent perhaps? This is what I've told myself - I wonder am I sort of role-playing for the event that something did happen, but I also wonder is it a sort of character flaw? A sort of plea for attention, even tho no one gets to know about it (that's mad I know).

Anyway, don't be crying at 3am. It's the worst time. I know your mind kind of runs away with you before you know it, if you're anything like me. But we have to train ourselves to stay sane!

skybright Fri 04-Sep-09 17:36:03

I'm like this too,don't ever ever go on the website Gone to soon,you will need a bucket.

ineedalifechange Fri 04-Sep-09 17:36:17

I totally see what you're saying.

I try to keep myself busy - I've also just brought on ebay a copy of the book "Women who Overthink" by Dr Susan something something.

It's actually very interesting and helpful to read. I do think I overprocess things again and again.

It's quite a good read.

stickylittlefingers Fri 04-Sep-09 17:38:53

ooh I might have a look for that. Overthinking being a speciality. Let me know how you get on with it.

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