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to have put my foot down and caused a rumpus.

(51 Posts)
pickyvic Wed 02-Sep-09 22:21:30

i think i had let this situation go on for too long...but ive just spat my dummy out with a pushy mother...

my DD was involved in a charity thing over the summer hols - it involved 4 girls and one of the girls mothers was the adult coordinator. she volunteered herself but was taking it very very (!) seriously

the charity they chose was not in my mind a legit charity - they chose the catholic church (yes you heard right - the catholic church) so i had a hard time finding the enthusiasm and funding for my DD, but i donned a smile and did my best

she has had 6 weeks of hard work, sponsored walks, tombolas, bun sales, raffles, and going to church 3 times a week. in the midst of this she contracted swine flu and had a couple of weeks off, one of the other girls has done nothing to contribute while 2 of the others have been doing loads, but they are catholic. my DD was somewhere in the middle....having done a fair bit to contribute until she got ill.

tonight mrs pushy phoned me to tell me my dd was required for the next 4 days for events etc....i said i am now working full time and couldnt manage to get her to them all and mrs pushy totally spat her dummy out with me! she said it was imperative she be there for the next 4 days - she really lost it! i couldnt believe it...she was rude and obnoxious and said my DD hadnt done enough because she had been absent for 2 weeks with the flu. she expected me to allow my DD to go to run a tombola tomorrow and then come home to an empty house because im at work, (not knowing there was anything scheduled i had made arrangements to take my DD to work with me so she isnt alone all day.)

so upshot is ive told her to shove her charity where the sun dont shine and take my DD s name off the books. DD was in tears over it and i made the decision that it just wasnt worth the agro. it was due to finish sept but they said it may well be extended, i cant commit the time any more, and it was voluntary anyway. i felt like i was being told off by the headteacher the way this other mother was carrying on...

have i been unreasonable to put a stop to this so near to the end? i feel sorry for my dd but she agreed she had had enough and was frightened to say anything. the thing is there are prizes up for grabs and im sure this team might be in the running due to mrs pushy working them to death....if they do win anything she wont be part of it anymore but tbh the girls she was working with on this werent very nice kids (very pushy and opinionated) and my dd doesnt seem that bothered....but she will be if they win!
i wish id put my foot down earlier...never again!

paranoidmother Wed 02-Sep-09 22:27:58

I don't think you are being unreasonable especially as your daughter said that she wanted out but couldn't say anything.

How about buying her something from you as a prize for doing lots of hard work and putting up with them all, if you do this before the prize is announced she's a winner all round and not just if they get something.

I think you did right, especially when she's been ill as well. From my point of view, good for you in standing up for her.

kateGB Wed 02-Sep-09 22:31:07

Why would anyone not affiliated to the CC choose to raise money for it on a charity basis? Weird - explain?

Buy your DD a cool pressie and perhaps donate some money to another charity of your daughters choice? Perhaps you could go to an animal sanctury at the w/end so she could see what good her 'charity' money could do.

What your DD did to raise the money was brilliant and she should be rightly proud - every little helps a charity that is worthy an any worthy charity will tell her that,

I think you were right to put an end to it. The mother obviiously has nothing else in her life and an unhealthy competiveness lived through her own daughter.

I find the whole idea of a competative, ongoing, charity thing bizarre. A sponsor run is one thing but an entire summer with a prize at the end??

Surely the lesson shoudl be that raising money for charity is the prize initself?

Well done to your DD, the other mother needs a shrink..

UnquietDad Wed 02-Sep-09 22:33:06

Sorry, did you say the Catholic Church??

Of all the charities they could have chosen... weird...

GoldenSnitch Wed 02-Sep-09 22:35:27

I think a prize from you is a good idea if you can afford it.

Sounds like a horrible situation that your DD is best out of.

SerendipitousHarlot Wed 02-Sep-09 22:37:48

Yeah, cos the Catholic church doesn't have quite enough money hmm

No, of course YANBU. I would have done exactly the same thing.

What a facking liberty angry

pickyvic Wed 02-Sep-09 22:40:18

oh thanks peeps....i was feeling so guilty!

and yes unquietdad - ive posted on this irked me bigtime that they chose the catholic church...but it was apparently the kids decision (yeah right.!! nothing to do with the parents who are catholic then!) so i grinned and bared it....
not that it matters now.

ConnieComplaint Wed 02-Sep-09 22:41:48

I remember your thread before...and if I remember my advice then was to say NO WAY!

You did the right thing.

Bloody CC has more money than you can shake a stick at! (If you'd want to do that)

kateGB Wed 02-Sep-09 22:45:17

4 girls, only 2 of whom were catholic decided to raise money for the CC? Sorry don't believe it unless the 2 non-cc just meekly agreed and didn't really know what the CC was?

Wouldn't most normal girls choose a childrens or animals charity? Or even their school?

There is no way that all 4 girls agreed to that which just vidicates you further !

Overmydeadbody Wed 02-Sep-09 22:53:31

I can't get my head round why children would choose to raise money for the catholic church?! Screams of brainwashing to me.

pickyvic Wed 02-Sep-09 22:54:57

exactly kateBG! id even suggested a local animal shelter etc but apparently because they go to a catholic church they all decided to donate to the church!(which i also find very hard to believe! i think the catholic mums had much more to do with that than they let on!) we already pay a voluntary contribution per term to the school anyway! i thought it was a bloody cheek from the off...but i said nothing. thatll teach me...
anyway - at least you all agree with me. i dont feel so bad now for pulling the plug.

mamas12 Wed 02-Sep-09 23:06:24

poor you, and well done your dd what a star for lastinf all summer!
That mother. she doesn't sound very christian at all. Have a word with her priest, you can say perhaps as you know her Father you could probably help her she is a bit stressed. (hee hee evil)

pickyvic Wed 02-Sep-09 23:12:32

lol mamas....i rang one of the other mums who have had a hand in all this and told her, she said the other mum was 'tired'....
well boo hoo. so am i. im working 6 days a week until the end of october....
am now quite sure i did the right thing. ta all. x

MermaidSpam Wed 02-Sep-09 23:12:40

Isn't the Catholic Church the richest organisation in the world???? hmm

pickyvic Wed 02-Sep-09 23:15:57

yep memaidspam....and i said that from the off. but i was repeatedly told it was the kids decision so i bit my tongue..funnily enough now ive encountered pushy mother from hell i think she may well have had a part to play in the charity of choice!

oopsagainandagain Wed 02-Sep-09 23:20:13

I just thought i'd let you know that this point in time, your post and any information you have given out on this thread is the property of MN and can be taken by any other publication and printed-

See the stuff re the aily Mail column.

Not wanting to offend you, if you already know- but your situation is so specific that it may well be that you would be concerned about that......

pickyvic Wed 02-Sep-09 23:23:45


MermaidSpam Wed 02-Sep-09 23:25:10

She's an idiot. I'm guessing there was no concern shown when your dd was ill....?

thesecondcoming Wed 02-Sep-09 23:33:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pickyvic Wed 02-Sep-09 23:36:59

actually the charity isnt the reason i put my foot down.

but it wasnt for a catholic charity like cafod or anything - it was to buy the local church a new boiler- cos the diocese wouldnt loan the money without interest apparently and the boiler is knackered.

thesecondcoming Wed 02-Sep-09 23:42:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SerendipitousHarlot Thu 03-Sep-09 13:42:50

Nonsense thesecondcoming

I would have said exactly the same if money was being raised for any other organised religion.

thesecondcoming Thu 03-Sep-09 14:35:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pickyvic Thu 03-Sep-09 18:02:35

this really wasnt supposed to be turned into a religious debate, or a discussion on theology - i wanted to know if others agreed with my actions because i had felt that perhaps i had been a little hasty because it was so near to the end of the fundraising, because it was supposed to be voluntary and it had got to the point that instead of being enjoyable it was just causing heartache and ill feeling.

i actually for the the record did not agree with the charity of choice, my DD is not a catholic and i would have raised an eyebrow if she had come home and said the money was being raised as the mosque needed a new boiler or the protestant church need the roof fixing - to me thats not a charity but its totally by the by, and she did help raise over a thousand pounds.

i think this has meandered off the point somewhat, but thanks for the input.

MermaidSpam Thu 03-Sep-09 18:27:00

thesecondcoming WTF?!
How exactly did I imply that she was an idiot because she was Catholic? angry

My previous comment was "I'm guessing there was no concern shown when your dd was ill....?"
This was because this woman was expecting OP's dd to do extra work after just getting over swine flu.

Nowhere did I imply that her reaction was anything to do with her faith. I would never, never suggest any such thing angry

You had made the assumption, not me. I suggest you read other's comments before spouting your bullshit

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