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to be jealous of other mothers?

(151 Posts)
IREALLYDONTCARE Wed 02-Sep-09 11:11:26

I know I'm probably being silly but everywhere I go I see other mums looking so glam, regardless of whether they are SAHM or working or what. they have perfectly straight hair, long manicured nails, fake tans, latest fashions/jewelry, immaculate make up and their kids look tidy and fashionable - the little girls have bunches and dresses and lelli kelly's etc.

Me - I work full time and it's a mad rush to get ready, fed etc for work. Quite often my hair is frizzy, I do my make up quickly in the car, I shove toast in my mouth as I leave the door, dd (18 months) wriggles and cries if I try to put her in a dress or do her hair, I'm overweight and can't afford the latest fashions.

My mummy colleagues always look glam. If I have time off work, I make an effort to go to playgroups and the mums there are all neat and tidy and fashionable and calm looking.

I don't know how they do it! I get up early to give myself more time to get ready but never seem to be like them. It's actually rather depressing.

Anyone else feel like me?

OrmIrian Wed 02-Sep-09 11:13:02

Yes! Or I used to. Since mine have got older life has got calmer and I do look a little more groomed. But not much. It's still a rush most days.

skihorse Wed 02-Sep-09 11:14:25

YANBU - although I would question the term "glamour" used to describe fake nails/fake tans/fake hair/fake tits/etc. wink

Maybe you're just looking at the wrong people - have you tried dragging yourself around Poundland for an ego-boost?

claw3 Wed 02-Sep-09 11:18:41

I often look like a dragged through a hedge backwards zombie!

There are women who always seem to look glam and good luck to them. Dont try to be like them, be yourself and stop worrying about what others think, personally i couldnt give a toss if i have a hair out of place, i like the natural, just got of bed look

skihorse Wed 02-Sep-09 11:21:46

I think the main point though is, "are you happy?" If you are perfectly happy with the person you are and the way you look until you compare yourself to Christy Turlington then you're fine. If you feel miserable in the comfort of your own home then maybe you can do something. Although for the love of god stay away from "fashion", aim for style - it's easy to look cheap and dated in fashion if you don't have the time/money to invest in it properly.

hmc Wed 02-Sep-09 11:21:46

Where do you live, L.A.?

IREALLYDONTCARE Wed 02-Sep-09 11:23:11

I can't help but give a toss. My colleague has a baby the same age as my dd and she also works full time but she looks fab. Great hair, fake tan, sunglasses, fake nails etc.

I do go to poundland but never seem to see other mummies there, just old ladies!

IREALLYDONTCARE Wed 02-Sep-09 11:24:57

No, I'm not happy with how I look actually, I try hard but I never seem to look the way I'd like.

My sister lives near LA actually lol (no kids though!)

I'm up in central scotland.

EleanoraBuntingCupcake Wed 02-Sep-09 11:25:02

yes but did you feel liek this about your collegue pre-babies?

skihorse Wed 02-Sep-09 11:26:20

Noooooo, they are the other mummies, they just look like old ladies! grin

The trouble is, we don't know what goes on in people's personal lives. If she's working ft and has children and has time to get her tan done/try on 100 outfits on a Saturday I'd wonder what's "giving" in her life. All of us only have 24 hours a day and there are very few of us can survive on 4 hours sleep a night. Maybe she only has a few quality hours a week with her husband and children. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors but it isn't healthy to compare yourself to a superwoman - most of us aren't and I'm sure you are far, far more beautiful than you give yourself credit for!

MrsBadger Wed 02-Sep-09 11:27:10

yanbu

but most of them are holding it together by a thread too

however they may well
they get up half an hour earlier than you
put out their clothes the nigth before
only buy stuff that flatters them and all goes together so even if they do pull random clothes out the wardrobe they will still look nice
give up fun things (eg telly, snacking) to exercise and fight weight gain.

and besides, fake tan, long manicured nails, poker-straight hair, bunches and Lelli Kellis all look shite IMO unless you are desperate to be a fashion-enslaved WAG-a-like.

ChookKeeper Wed 02-Sep-09 11:31:45

They don't wastetime spend ages on MN?smile

UnquietDad Wed 02-Sep-09 11:34:50

Do people actually think fake tan, fake nails and artificially-straightened hair look attractive? And children in Lelli Kellis, FGS. Horrible things.

IREALLYDONTCARE Wed 02-Sep-09 11:38:04

aw thanks skihorse.

yeah, dd is a terrible sleeper so I'm a total zombie right now. Plus DH works 2 jobs so it's really just me and her. Don't have much time for fake tans or even exercise.

I try to get up at 6 and start work at 9. Leave the house at 8 to drop dd off at her grans. so that's 2 hours in the morning to get dressed, showered, fed, get dd ready, possibly dry my hair, do makeup etc all whilst dd is screeching cos she doesnt want breakfast, or mummy to dress her, or wants mummy to read to her, change kiddy tv channel, give her sweeties etc

today DH left at 7.30am and wont be home til 9pm. he moaned when I asked him to help this morning because he was going to be late...angry

IREALLYDONTCARE Wed 02-Sep-09 11:39:31

PS I do play lots with my dd in case anyone got the impression I ignore her!

runnyhabbit Wed 02-Sep-09 11:39:37

Totally agree with MrsB

I have friends who look like your description. (and apart from fake tan, poker straight hair and nails, it could be meblush)

Self tan moisturiser slapped on after shower.
Toe nails painted while dc are in bath.
Clothes cleaned and ironed (only where necessarygrin)
My clothes are quite plain, but can mixed and matched, and have usually got a funky style bracelet or necklace.

Btw, I used to feel how you do, so I understand the constant comparing.

wheresmypaddle Wed 02-Sep-09 11:42:51

Totally agree skihorse - there are only so many hours in a day and no-one can fit everything in. To look so polished I would guess that looking glam is obviously up there in her top 3 priorities- its way down my list behind spending quality time with DS. Yes, I would like to look a bit less frazzled sometimes but I do feel its far less important than other things........

claw3 Wed 02-Sep-09 11:43:14

As hard as it may be you really shouldnt compare yourself to others. No one is perfect, there will always be someone better looking, slimmer, more successful etc, etc.

The grass isnt always greener, its about being happy with youve got. Looks fade, personality doesnt.

IREALLYDONTCARE Wed 02-Sep-09 11:43:53

I get what MrsB is saying and it sounds so simple but I cant apply self tan moisteriser with DH banging on the door cos he's desperate for the loo/fed up watching dd or going to be late for work. And if I got out nail polish, dd will cry for me to give it to her to play with (she's only 18 months).

I dont fancy getting up before 6am, especially when I get so little sleep as it is!

Stigaloid Wed 02-Sep-09 11:45:15

"Maybe you're just looking at the wrong people - have you tried dragging yourself around Poundland for an ego-boost?"

Tee hee. LOL!

I feel exactly the same as you. Am always feeling frazzled and wandering the secretsof other people. I am sure they are just as frazzled as you and feeling the same way but hiding it better!

Kbear Wed 02-Sep-09 11:45:55

A few basics can make you feel better.

Wear clothes that fit you properly - squeezing into something too small is depressing.

Before you go to bed, organise what you're going to wear the next day. Cleanse and moisturise your skin - takes a minute.

Only buy clothes that compliment each other and stick to basics but accessorise with some jewellery - Matalan etc sell reasonably priced stuff that you can jazz up an outfit with.

I have thick layered long hair which refuses to be straightened and who has time anyway? Go with what you have and don't fight it!

skihorse Wed 02-Sep-09 11:46:42

Please feel free to tell me to bum off if you want to, but I do think 2 hours is a long time to get ready. I take 40 minutes to shower, blow-dry, make-up and out the door. I prepare my breakfast the night before and take it to work (yoghurt mix). I mentally plan the night before what I'm going to wear in the morning (check the weather reports online a few days in advance) - I don't buy clothes which need dry-cleaning or "too much" ironing. As long as my hair is dry and shiny I can do something with a pretty kirby grip. My make-up is simple, foundation, powder, blusher, eyeliner, mascara.

So... you're then left with an hour and 20 minutes appeasing your daughter. She needs a morning routine you know too. I know you're trying to be the "loveliest mummy" - but when you were a child did you have breakfast TV?

Kbear Wed 02-Sep-09 11:48:55

agree with last poster - I get up at 6.15, shower, dry hair (head upside down and blast!!), make up, get dressed, get the kids up and dressed and out the door by 7am! Eat breakfast at work.

clemette Wed 02-Sep-09 11:49:24

I completely understand - and would assume their children are not quite so lively/demanding as yours (and mine). But two hours in the morning does seem like a lot of time. Have u considered giving her just a snack in the morning (mine have dried fruit) and then asking her gran to give her her breakfast when there is no time limit? And if she doesn't want you to dress her then take her in her pyjamas!

I am possibly a little scuzzy but I never shower. I have a bath when the children are in bed and only have to wash my hair once a week (wash it any more frequently and it becomes a huge ball of frizz).

I do put out all clothes the night before (like a good flylady), and straighten my hair/do my make up whilst my two sit on my bed watching TV.

Just to reassure: DD has NEVER kept a bobble in for longer than ten minutes (she is 4.5) - the answer - she has a short bob and looks cute.
And remember - this soon will pass. 18 months is a VERY demanding age and she will get more independent.

wheresmypaddle Wed 02-Sep-09 11:49:49

Runnyhabit has got me thinking- maybe there are some secrets of looking good when short of time that some of us (who would like to look a little lass frazzled) could benefit from. E.g. I always assumed false tan application was complicated and messy- never thought of just slapping it on after shower.

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