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to not go on the ground she cancels plans too much?

(19 Posts)
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Tue 01-Sep-09 17:12:58

DH's friend has a girlfriend and kids same age so in theory we should get on well. DH gets on well with his mate, they've been friends since they were three years old.

However, his GF txts me all the time asking if I want to do this that and the other as couples. We work so can't always do these things but sometimes I say yes. She then goes on to either uninvite us and make it just her and her DH or she hasn't told him at all and he doesn't want to. Or she'll invite herself round to ours for a BBQ and then start inviting loads of other people, I'll get the stuff in and then she'll go to someone else's for the BBQ and either invite us or not invite us. This happened twice this summer, and on one of these occasions I'd actually gone out and bought a BBQ.

She knows I am pregnant but invited me on an all day and night sesh with her mates, then whinged when I said I couldn't go. She happily drinks when she's pregnant. One of her friends who is going has a real thing for DH and so is not very nice to me.

Today she asked if DH and I would go out for tea with them tomorrow. I already had plans with my sister so I rearranged them and then she txt and said she's just going with her DP as they want a night alone.

So then she txt and said 'we can meet up one night next week and all go for tea then if you like?' so I txt back 'nah it's ok thanks hun' and so she's now getting all defensive and questioning why. It's just a lot of faff and it never happens, and I always end up feeling put out and awkward.

AIBU to just not txt back and not go? or if I do txt, what should I say?

LuluMaman Tue 01-Sep-09 17:16:00

tell her the reason as she clearly has not twigged why you are cross, and saying 'nah it's ok' just makes you look daft

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 01-Sep-09 17:17:22

Why the hun if you are annoyed with her?

Just don't text anymore and if she rings and presses you for a reason just tell her you have had enough of her always cancelling and changing plans.

beanieb Tue 01-Sep-09 17:17:50

why not text back and say you already changed your plans to see your sister and had to disapoint her so you're waiting to see if she's (sister) going to get back to you before you make any firm plans with anyone else as you don't want to cancel on your sister again.

BalloonSlayer Tue 01-Sep-09 17:18:37

What about "thought I'd cancel and save you the bother just this once."

Not really . . . but perhaps you just need to say that she cancels too much.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Tue 01-Sep-09 17:18:46

She 'huns' at everything. I'm not a very 'hun;' person, but it's assumed I'm being off if I don't 'hun' IYSWIM.

I just don't want the confrontation, or to make things difficult with DH and his mate but she just gets on my tit ends.

LuluMaman Tue 01-Sep-09 17:19:38

if you don;t go out with them ,they are going to twig

just get it out in the open and deal with it, or suck it up!

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 01-Sep-09 17:19:49

She sounds precious.

Don't use hun if you don't want too.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Tue 01-Sep-09 17:21:07

Urgh no energy to suck haha I'll have to get it out there I suppose... what to say then?

Other than 'you get on my tit ends'.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 01-Sep-09 17:25:03

If you never heard from her again, how would you feel?

hifi Tue 01-Sep-09 17:45:19

lay her at her own game. it really annoys me when people do this as they are obviously doing it as they have had better offers , or so they think, else where.

Firawla Tue 01-Sep-09 17:51:37

i wouldnt cancel anything you had planned for something like this
for her to cancel or change plans due to some good reason is understandable but to ask and then decide "no itll just me and dp, you're univited" is so rude! why ask in the first place if she is like that??
i wouldnt make too much effort for her if i was u

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Tue 01-Sep-09 18:11:23

Be yourself. Stop 'hunning' her and stop changing plans to accommodate her. You were busy in the first place - why cancel your sister for her?
Look, if she asks why you are blowing her off just say that you don't want to commit as she cancels so often. Her problem if she takes offence.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Thu 03-Sep-09 12:32:42

I'm actually going to use that line 'I don't want to commit because you cancel so often'.

I just said 'we can if you want but we need to know for definate. You keep changing plans.' She said 'it will be for definate, I promise'. Then went on to invite other random people. I just can't win with her.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 04-Sep-09 20:43:08

Stop trying then as I don't think it is anything to do with winning.

groundhogs Fri 04-Sep-09 23:12:52

she sounds awful, her friends sound worse.

honestly, why in the world do you have anything to do with her? you must have other friends? Jeez, i've just moved back to uk, and know absolutely no-one at all, but if she were a 'friend' of mine, i'd kick her to the kerb.

Think you square it with dh, so he knows and can just do that male shrug thing when his mate asks him anything, ah, you know women, best let em get on with it..and then you officially 'break up' with her. Lol! along the lines of, this friendship is not working out, i'm being mucked about on a regular basis, picked up and dropped when it suits you, your friends are off with me cos they have a thing for my dh, and it's just too much. We're not suited, sorry, have a good life!

carrie1985 Fri 04-Sep-09 23:30:41

if i'm right your the type pf person who finds it hard to say no, or rock the boat (like myself) i wouldn't have this conversation with her onver sms, either speak on the phone or face to face, its really hard to get bitchy to someones face, and cant draft a response to your reply

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sun 06-Sep-09 08:53:30

I do find it hard to say no. My other friends are real friends. I only started being 'friends' with her so that I was involved in some way with DH's friends. But I honestly don't think it's worth the hassel.

Alarielle Sun 06-Sep-09 20:26:02

It isn't worth the hassle, trust me.

I have a friend who is very similar. We would arrange to meet up etc. and she would always cancel at the last minute. I started to just stop inviting her or offering to go down so she started to invite me down hers instead and yes, she would cancel at the last moment. I got to the stage were I wouldn't cancel anything else on the day because I knew she would text me an excuse the night before. It got to the stage were it had happened 6 times in a row so I just told her not to invite me down when she had no intention of following through with it. She has never invited me since smile.

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