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to not want to spend some precious days off with these people ? I can take it if you think I'm unreasonnable !

(11 Posts)
confidentbutnotthatmuch Mon 31-Aug-09 13:55:33

Ok let me give you some background ! I have been with DH for almost 7 years, we have 2 ds (5) and (2). I got pregnant very quickly into the relationship, we have our ups and downs as everybody but we are working our way to make things work ! At the beginning of the relationship with Dh, I have met Dh's friends and their wives and we never really hit it off (apart from one which I love, she is my closest friend !)..
I'm really different from them, I'm from another country (different culture), I have no career but I have a good job which brings good money at home, my sense of humour can be describe as dark but still I'm very sensitive of other's people feelings and I car in general..I have tried a lot with them, inviting them around, calling tem to congratulate them when I hear about pregnancy...etc..(I used to but dont do it anymore)
I'm sorry for the rambling, my problem is that we are planned to go for a week end (3 days) with all of them (10 couples)..Its not the first time we go together, about 3 times but everytime I'm never confortable it's always awkward, I have nothing in common with them and whatever efforts I make, it doesnt work, I'm feeling really alone there and end up very depressed but DH doesnt understand..

I'm a cm so my days off are rare, didnt have an holiday because we couldnt afford it but would it be unreasonnable for me to stay at home while dh takes the ds there ? He doesnt want too, he says he wants to show our family unit..but my happiness should matter to him ? no ?
He never takes me anywhere but he had the 250 pounds for this week end even if he knows how I feel about it.

I'm sorry about the rambling.. I'm a regular but I have name change.

MmeLindt Mon 31-Aug-09 13:59:57

Hmm, if you could afford to go away yourselves then I would say YABU.

Since you are giving up your chance of a family holiday then I do understand your frustration. You write 3x, in how many years? Is it a yearly thing?

Is your best friend going to be there? Could you not go and try and spend as much time as possible with her?

It is booked now, so I would go.

usedtobeme Mon 31-Aug-09 14:02:42

whats a cm?? [thick emoticon]

meemarsgotabrandnewbump Mon 31-Aug-09 14:06:11

Hi, I think if you are sure you don't want to go then you should stay home. You are not being unreasonable - you have spent weekends away with these people before and not enjoyed it, so why should you go again.

As you say, your holidays are rare so you should not spend the time doing something that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy. You will enjoy sometime to yourself far more.

confidentbutnotthatmuch Mon 31-Aug-09 14:08:18

We have been 3 times over the last 6 times and it was never a good experience for me. DH is ok as it is all his childhood friends. The problems are the wives, I do my best, try to engage with them but there ar a lot of blank moments and they are clearly not interested in what I have to say, everytime I see them I always end up saying the same answering the same polite questions. I always ask news about them during the year so I know what they are up too..etc..

Imagine you are in a situation in which you meet new people...well I meet them all over again everytime I see them and they never make an effort. I can see they dont give a crap about me.

My best friend will be there and she understand how I feel but it's different for her, she has been part of this group for 10 years..She mixes well with them.

confidentbutnotthatmuch Mon 31-Aug-09 14:09:28

Thank you for your answers !! cm means childminder !

usedtobeme Mon 31-Aug-09 14:16:53

I would feel the same. I used to be in a similar situation with exh and his friends. It was shit. You have my sympathy, its not easy.

2rebecca Mon 31-Aug-09 14:24:39

If you don't want to go you don't go. You don't have to do everything in pairs just because you are married. As soon as the weekend idea was mooted you should have said you are happy for husband to go but you would rather do something else for a holiday. It sounds like you need to discuss money in general though as you sound as though you have little input into how the family money is spent.

TheDMshouldbeRivened Mon 31-Aug-09 14:30:47

sounds like my idea of hell. I'd make dh go alone.

confidentbutnotthatmuch Mon 31-Aug-09 14:33:52

usedtobeme-thank you ! I'm really sad about it all but I feel I have really tried. I always feel like the outsider..To give you an example : one day they were having a discussion about how much better nursery were compare to childminder ! Helllooo I'm a childminder..They are all made of money and like to talk about it ! I have a lot of great friends who have amazing careers and a load of cash to spare..And so what, they are not showing off !!

2rebecca - You are right, dh knew I was not happy about this week end but went ahead anyway..We have massive money problems, which means I'm working full time..2 children plus my 2 everyday. If I take 4 days off I lose 400 pounds..I need help to make some decisions,trying to talk about constantly with dh about it but he doesnt answer..

confidentbutnotthatmuch Mon 31-Aug-09 14:36:23

Thank you so much for your answers, I feel better to know that I'm understood !

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