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to want some say in how I spend my weekend?

(15 Posts)
cruelladepoppins Sat 29-Aug-09 21:38:50

I work full-time, DP works p/t, we have 2 DSs.

DP has 2 friends he's known longer than me. They have a tendency to ring at short notice and invite themselves round, I never know if they are staying for a meal but they often do. And the wife is allergic to our house (to be fair, it doesn't get much of a cleaning and is riddled with dust).

So the husband phoned yesterday, he would come round today. And he did, he took DP out birdwatching. Then he went to pick up his wife at the station and she came here too. DP went off to play squash as he does every Saturday.

So. I get left in the house making them cups of tea, finding the hammock for the wife so she can relax outside, and trying to do all my usual house and garden chores. They rope in my DSs to wash their car (DSs love this) but actually I had some little chores I wanted DSs to do with me and they are now not interested.

And then I have to cook them a meal even though we are not prepared for guests and have already bought in our weekend's shopping.

So today, just before DP left for his squash, while the friends were out of the house, I suggested we all go to the Chinese instead. Cost me £80. (It's too far for a takeaway.) Yes, I would've been cooking anyway for self and family, but I am fed up not being consulted. DP very apologetic but "you know what they're like". AIBU to want some control over our weekends?

Firawla Sat 29-Aug-09 21:43:15

Yanbu, but depends how often they do it? if its v often then its too much & dp should give some hints to them but if only now & again i think you have to put up with it as they are his friends, and so not to be rude

BonsoirAnna Sat 29-Aug-09 21:48:55

YANBU. I would be livid at this.

BubbaAndBump Sat 29-Aug-09 21:56:46

YABU - you should also make sure you wear a pretty bow in your hair and tidy away the DCs toys before DH comes home with friends in tow. A nice little curtsey wouldn't go amiss either.

fandango75 Sat 29-Aug-09 21:59:33

crikey poor you - YANBU. Enough - put a stop to it tell them not to do it, be candid, direct but polite - then there is no way anyone can say you are being unreasonable / difficult etc good luck

sweethoney Sat 29-Aug-09 22:25:16

Do you ever go to there house? And do they run around after you?
If not it is up to your DH to decline their request to visit, or if he does it is he who should cook, entertain them etc, while you go out for a few hours!

pjmama Sat 29-Aug-09 22:53:14

If they're coming to visit you for the whole weekend at short notice, I'd be expecting them to take YOU out for a nice meal to say thanks!

You should turn up at theirs next week with the whole family, then sit on your arse with a glass of wine and let them wait on you.

mamas12 Sat 29-Aug-09 23:46:25

Actually my ex used to be like that only the way iyswim
He would tell me we're going over to * okay and off we would go with me thinking it was all arranged and then it would turn out to be quite obvious after a while that the wife wasn't expecting us and was rummaging around in her freezer to try and top up the meal that she had already had on the go !!

Uriel Sat 29-Aug-09 23:49:49

Let dp cook for them. It's the least he could do.

diddl Sun 30-Aug-09 05:19:27

But if they ring first-tell them it´s inconvenient.
Don´t let them stay for meals!

ninedragons Sun 30-Aug-09 07:49:32

Very simple. When they ring, your DP must say "oh dear, we were just on the way out. So sorry we'll miss you this time, we must catch up soon"

thesecondcoming Sun 30-Aug-09 08:15:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl Sun 30-Aug-09 08:47:09

I agree,* thesecondcoming*-I wouldn´t have even got the hammock out.
And if she is a friend-isn´t it rude to be ignoring her & working instead?
What I´m also not sure of is how long do they travel for-is it a while, & that´s why they seem to expect to be fed & watered?

heartmoonshadow Sun 30-Aug-09 09:06:36



My ex used to do this with a friend also - it was so embarassing, I would always say to leave the people alone but he would get up on Sunday and go out for a 'walk' or 'fetch a paper' whatever and then phone me to come and fetch him from a friends house - but when I got there they had obviously felt obliged to ask us to stay for dinner and ex would be sat drinking a beer and looking smug. Anyway I left him, I expect he still freeloads with his new partner.

But saying that new DH and I have found this to be a problem too as we have a new DS people want to visit and often they end up staying over a meal time, to be honest if we had a takeaway I would expect them to go halves or to help out if I was cooking a full meal.

As for getting your DS to wash their car how cheeky is that - I hope they give them pocket money to do it!

In the future I would go down the takeaway route but make it clear that their part of the bill is xxx.xx and see how often they pop over inconvienently, or why not take your tribe to them.

cruelladepoppins Sun 30-Aug-09 19:44:00

We do sometimes go to theirs - maybe twice a year and it's always planned well in advance. We usually help them in the garden when we are there. They live about 45 mins drive away. They don't have children.

I am not especially friendly with the wife - wouldn't ever think of ringing her up for a chat, but then I'm not that pro-active with my own friends ... I work all week and then I have to do the cleaning etc sometime ... That was what was so annoying about the hammock - it was my 40th birthday present and I never get a bloody chance to sit in it myself!!!

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