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to be considering financial reasons and my own body before TTC?

(21 Posts)
BubbaAndBump Fri 28-Aug-09 18:45:11

We have two DCs and have always thought three would be nice if we could, but DH wants to wait another year or so (I'm 35 already), and has recently revealed to me (by way of my successful Spanish inquisition techniques) that he is £9k in debt which worries me as even with best intentions that'll take us years to pay off angry.
Before all that I was contemplating anyway all the toil TTC, then (if we're lucky) pregnancy, birth and then having 3 under the age of 3 or 4 would have on me (body and mind). Now having also to consider financial aspects too.

Should any of this really be a consideration when TTC or is it all a bit too clinical and 'planned'?

pjmama Fri 28-Aug-09 18:49:17

How did he get 9k in debt without you knowing?!! I'd be livid.

I think it's totally sensible to consider these things before having another baby. I'd love another, but I'm too old and we can't afford it - end of!

BubbaAndBump Fri 28-Aug-09 18:53:15

I am livid! A combination of loans, credit cards, overdraft and lying, essentially! We discussed our debts last year when looking to move house and knew he had no savings, but certainly didn't know about that.

I wish I could be stronger about the just not considering another baby, but I've always imagined having three and, just a year or so ago, it was all still possible without too many obstacles. sad

pjmama Fri 28-Aug-09 18:58:57

Just slap your DH really hard wink and keep telling yourself how wonderful the two DCs you already have are.

mrsgboring Fri 28-Aug-09 19:05:19

i think it is eminently sensible to take all of this into consideration. however i'm like you and always thought i'd have 3 and part of me is appalled i might let such trifling matters hmm get in the way of a lovely new life. in my heart of hearts though i reckon we're stopping now.

does that help? thought not.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 28-Aug-09 19:11:27

3 is a huge change from two and I think you need to really think about everything.

Your husband has some explaining to do.

BubbaAndBump Fri 28-Aug-09 19:22:29

He does, I agree, but I was weirdly calm about it (very practical, sat down with calculator and bank statements etc), and may have missed my opportunity to now turn mental on him.

I love my two kiddies, but I don't want to resent hubby further down the line if we had to rule out a 3rd because of his (massive) crapness and didn't even try.

pjmama Fri 28-Aug-09 19:51:55

I'm sure lots of ladies on here with 3 DCs will probably jump in and disagree, but a friend of mine has 3 and has always said it can be a funny number.

She loves them all dearly of course and wouldn't have it any other way, but they often seem to be more a 2 and 1 and sometimes one can get left out when they're all playing together (which one is being left out also changes on a daily basis!).

Also she has bother booking accomodation for holidays sometimes as so much tends to be geared to a family of 4.

Plus when you have more than 2 you have to change your tactics when out and about as man-to-man marking is no longer an option!

Any of this making you feel better...? Probably not, but these are the sorts of things I tell myself when I'm wistfully wishing for another! That and I don't think my pelvic floor would survive another pregnancy intact! Tenalady anyone...?

BubbaAndBump Fri 28-Aug-09 20:07:15

Thanks pjmama. It is useful to hear practical reasons too (esp. the pelvic floor one - hadn't thought of that!) lol

I'm from a family of three and recognise your friend's predicament! My mum's pointed out the two hands, two children simple algebraic equation (though that does make me ponder, especially as I'm the 3rd!) hmm

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 28-Aug-09 20:10:00

I just thought then that if I knew way back what I know now I might have only had 2 sad.

BubbaAndBump Fri 28-Aug-09 20:11:18

Really?

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 28-Aug-09 20:14:48

I know.

I feel really bad.

I love my youngest so so much and couldn't be without him but I so wish we could have had four.

Ignore me. I am in a mood.

BubbaAndBump Fri 28-Aug-09 20:29:03

No, don't feel bad, I was just interested in your reasons. Have you TTC #4?

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 28-Aug-09 20:35:26

No.

Too risky for us.

BubbaAndBump Fri 28-Aug-09 20:38:23

sorry

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 28-Aug-09 20:42:22

Thanks.

Do you know what you will do?

BubbaAndBump Fri 28-Aug-09 20:45:13

Nope. Haven't got a sausage.

DH is talking about trying to get an advance on our mortgage to pay off his debts (I offered to use some of my savings but he didn't want that). He is being very apologetic but it doesn't help things.

My body's aching for a third.

diddl Fri 28-Aug-09 20:47:49

I always wanted more than two.
But age and finances intervened.
Plus, I had 2 easy pregnancies and births and thought it might be nice to leave it that way!

I´m thanful for what I´ve got, not what I might have had.

BubbaAndBump Fri 28-Aug-09 21:02:32

Can I be nosey and ask how old you were? Did you try and then stop trying, or never try?
(btw, I am eternally grateful for my gorgeous DCs who are loads of fun, if more than enough to handle on many occasions!

diddl Fri 28-Aug-09 21:15:35

32 with first and almost 34 with 2nd.
So, not that old.
Hubby didn´t want more, and I knew I could be happy with 2.
So, accepted it & never tried for more.
Also, I think what I really wanted was to always have a newborn!

BubbaAndBump Fri 28-Aug-09 21:57:17

Very similar ages to me with ours.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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