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to just want a little bit of privacy and stop feeling like I live in a fish bowl.

(27 Posts)
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Thu 27-Aug-09 16:16:45

We have blinds- those roller, pull down ones. We've not lived here long and the blinds were up, we can't afford venetians or whatever.

So our old man neighbour is really god damn nosey. He keeps staring right into the window. The other day I got up early, opened the blinds and window to let some fresh air in. DS 15m and I started eating breakfast together and we were giggling our heads off at something. Next thing he;s leaning over the wall smiling wildly. I saw someone out of the corner of my eye and jumped a mile. He started shouting in something about us being up early and I half smiled and left it at that.

But it's all the time. He stares in constatly. Now he's said to DH that since we're always working and our front garden is getting to be a mess, he's going to do it for us. I know that's friendly but I can tell it's just because he doesn't want us putting his house to shame IYSWIM.

I cannot step out of my front door without a half hour conversation from him or his wife, and they're really intrusive and always say the wrong thing.

But it is the constantly staring in the window that gets to me. I can't do anything without him peering in or trying to shout in to us. It's nice to be friendly. But a 'hello' and smile would do for me.

Now the other side has decided I'm her 'best friend'. I've spoken to her a couple of times since I moved in but she has said she's got no other friends and so I'm her best friend. She got my number from an RSVP on an invitation to our wedding party (we felt obliged) and now she texts me a million times a day and when she hears our car coming (it's a noisy big exhaust thing) she waits on the doorstep to talk for an hour or two. She's another one who stares in.

I just don't think there's any need to be THAT close to neighbours. It's too close for comfort. I just want to live my life and have a little privacy without then passing comment on 'Oh I saw your DH feeding your DS before and I could see a tattoo on his back, what does it say? I couldn't make it out?' I mean who cares!

gorionine Thu 27-Aug-09 17:30:59

YANBU I would hate it! My solution is net curtains, not really pretty but they definitely seve their purpose and neighbours cannot see inside! or tell him to leave you alone because he clearly goes to far!

gorionine Thu 27-Aug-09 17:31:46

blush serve their purpose!

Weegle Thu 27-Aug-09 17:43:37

you can buy film which sticks to the glass and makes them look frosted - not too expensive and nicer than nets but let in lots of light.

just don't reply to the other neighbour's texts. Be polite and pleasant but DON'T talk for 2 hours - say "terribly sorry, got things to do". etc etc.

elmofan Thu 27-Aug-09 17:50:05

ooh i can kind of sympathise , i have a neighbour who sits on her windowsill staring at us when ever we come & go from our house hmm
agree with weegle - don't reply to your neighbours texts , if she asks why you have not replied then tell her you had to get a new phone therefore a new number , as for the neighbours looking in through the windows YANBU that would drive me crazy , maybe if you ignored him he might get the hint ,

KnickKnack Thu 27-Aug-09 17:55:17

You can get wooden style blinds very cheaply, my bathroom ones were £5 and big ones were around £10. They were from one of those value/cheap shops. They are laminate but look pretty decent, I've had then for about 6 months and they still look like new.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 27-Aug-09 17:58:17

Would you like to be friends with any of these people if they weren't so full on?

If not, just say I can't talk now and walk away.

If you do, try and spend some time with them, maybe once a week or two where you have proper chat time with them.

PM73 Thu 27-Aug-09 17:58:20

Whilst i can understand about your want for privacy,especially first thing in the morning, i do feel YA being a bit U.

The old couple sound lovely,especially him wanting to do your garden for you.Are you sure the only reason he wants to do it is because he doesnt want yours to show his up? Or does he want to do it because he is lonely & possibly wants to just help you out?

The other neighbour sounds a bit ott,but i am sure she will get the message soon enough iif you put her off often enough.

Our neighbour is a bit like your older neighbour,we pass the time of day with him if he is out but dont actively encourage him iyswim?He is quite a good neighbour tbh,dh works nights & i know he looks out for us & takes parcels in etc.

notanumber Thu 27-Aug-09 18:39:49

As suggested previously, window film is a good (and relatively cheap)privacy measure.

You have my sympathies as have been in a similar situation.

notanumber Thu 27-Aug-09 18:45:09

PM73 , the problem is that you end up sounding a bit of a nutter when you say, "God, my neighbours are awful! They keep offering to do my garden and bake cakes for me and do my ironing!"

But the thing is, it is intrusive if it's all the time, and your home is meant to be a place where you feel comfortable and safe from ambush.

If you wanted to make polite conversation all the time with an old gent you could hang out at a retirement home, but in your own home you just want a bit of peace and not constantly warding off other people - no matter how well-intentioned they may be.

notanumber Thu 27-Aug-09 18:53:05

My neighbours (an elderly couple) go through our recyling box and "sort it all out neatly for us" . It drives me crackers. I don't want someone noting how many wine milk bottles we get through a week and drawing conclusions if we swap from Waitrose tinned tomatoes to Tesco Value ones.

A very well-intentioned gesture I'm sure, but it makes me want to leave gay porn in it just to make them back off.

PM73 Thu 27-Aug-09 18:55:36

Notanumber - i know exactly how the op feels,our neighbour over the road can be a right pain in the arse,he always seems to be watering his grass when dh is due home from work so he then shouts over to him,he always has a look in our windows when he taking his dogs for a walk,he always comes over for dh to do jobs for him.

But on top of all that he does know when he has pushed us too far & then he will back off for a while.

All i was trying to say was maybe the op could keep a friendly facade up & not totally alienate them.

Despite our neighbour being a nuisance at times,i would rather have a neighbour like that than one i was at war with & blanked.

PM73 Thu 27-Aug-09 18:56:31

Notanumber - your neighbour sounds a loon!!

jybay Thu 27-Aug-09 18:59:06

YANBU. Reminds me why I fled the countryside to live in a blissfully anonymous city.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Thu 27-Aug-09 19:04:00

It is true I'd rather have these neighbours than complete arseholes. But they even count my shopping bags lol.

NotaNumber- I may glue gay porn to the windows rather than this sticky frosting And I'm like you, I like my house to be a haven from a hectic life, not a nosing-ground.

He's not a lonely guy, he goes around English Heritage sites with his wife in the daytime when we're working. He has a huge family and grandkids too. But he tends to think he owns the street.

He does bring my bin in when it's emptied though, which is nice, I must say.

Firawla Thu 27-Aug-09 23:49:42

i agree with the suggestion of window film, i would hate to have someone staring in the windows so definitely yanbu, do they not realise it is rude???

essanel Fri 28-Aug-09 00:08:30

I do agree YANBU and i hate it when we have our blinds open but...... there is a street on the way to the shops where about half the houses don't have blinds and I can't help peeping in blush
OP love the name --- Michael Macintyre inspired perhaps!!!

tethersend Fri 28-Aug-09 11:35:22

YANBU.
You have no option but to be incredibly rude- a sustained period of about 3 weeks should be sufficient wink

2rebecca Fri 28-Aug-09 12:22:18

Net curtains are cheap and some are pretty and don't block the light too much. I prefer them to venetians which I hate.

PictureInTheAttic Fri 28-Aug-09 12:24:17

Have only read the OP, but how about popping to ikea for some of their nets? They cost next to nothing!

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sat 29-Aug-09 10:12:38

Yes I lurve Michael Mac grin He's right it does work with anything- I'm farkin duvet'd.

After they've called round a number of times last night for little non-necessary things, I'm going to have to start being quite short with them, I have things to do and I'm nakered when I get in from work. Definately going to sort something like that film today- we are going tin search.

essanel Sat 29-Aug-09 23:16:04

Micheal Mac is one of favs and I agree it can worked ..... I'm on my way to being absolutely bungalowed grin,,,, on the film thing I saw some today in Focus and Homebase t'was with the fablon (sticky back plastic) stuff and am sure it was about £11 for 2.5meters length (can;t recall the length but it was about wrapping paper size!!!)

MatthewBellamysMuse Sat 29-Aug-09 23:22:18

Ikea do cheap Venetian wooden blinds. Also plain net curtains (cost me about £2). Well worth it to keep out intrusive neighbours.

essanel Sat 29-Aug-09 23:35:53

Is it strange that I am excited about going to Ikea tomorrow? blush I haven't been for ages and we have arranged for my mum to have the kids so we can have relaxing time!!!!

mathanxiety Sun 30-Aug-09 00:32:12

Why don't you just introduce the neighbour on the left to the neighbour on the right. They are clearly both lonely people with way too much time on their hands. They would be perfect for each other. And get net curtains.

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