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To feel a bit pissed off with chilminder??

(26 Posts)
mosschops30 Wed 26-Aug-09 17:28:51

I suspect I am but just wanted to have a moan as I know dh wont listen to me. So you can all tell me IABU but I just need to vent.
I'll need to keep it short because I dont want to identify anyone

ds starts school next week so finished with CM, who was supposed to have new baby next May and we had discussed this at length and she was happy to do it.
I had a certain condition that she did not take on a paticular child (which was also on the agenda) and she said she didnt want said child and had already told mother she wasnt minding that child.
CM tells me tody that she will not be having new baby, but other new baby she had said she wasnt having IYKWIM.
She said its because she knows this family wuill work the same hours whatever happens, and that mine might change or that I may not go back full time.

She was upset telling me, and didnt have the energy to be in least pissed off, but I am now, and a little upset that she didnt say months ago when we discussed it.
More than anything (sadly) is that I think Im pissed off because she's chosen this family (who she has moaned about at length to me) over me hmm

AIBU and am I sounding whingy enough grin

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 17:31:25

You sound pretty calm tbh.

Maybe months ago that was how she felt and she has had a change of heart.

I don't really think you can dictate which children she minds unless you are willing to pay for an extra space.

cjones2979 Wed 26-Aug-09 17:32:58

Is there a particular reason you didn't want her looking after this other child ?

mosschops30 Wed 26-Aug-09 17:34:40

Oh no absoluetly I agree FBG. But it was the fact that we had talked about it, and she had said 'oh god no, I dont want to have it, Im not having it' blah blah.
I know at the end of the day shes running a business and has to do what works for her, but she said today 'oh youre like family' blah blah, and now Im home Im thinking 'so why treat me like an arse then'?

Think Im just feeling a bit sorry for myself generally and this hasnt helped

QuintessentialShadows Wed 26-Aug-09 17:35:03

Maybe this other family had not moaned about YOU in the same manner as you had moaned about them, and the chilminder found that she preferred to work with a family who is not moaning about other families, and more importantly try to dictate who she can work with or not?


FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 17:35:37


Are you going to talk to her about it?

mosschops30 Wed 26-Aug-09 17:36:48

no its not that, there have been issues which I dont want to talk about on here. And I dont moan about other families generally, she has several different mindees, and has over the last 4 years that shes CM'd for me

rubyslippers Wed 26-Aug-09 17:37:11

why didn't you want her taking on the other child?

it is quite unusual for a parent to dictate this to a CM surely????

mosschops30 Wed 26-Aug-09 17:38:11

Thanks FBG smile
I dont think I can talk to her about really without sounding like an arse. I know why she's done it, I totally understand, and if i was her I would probably have done the same thing because it suits her much better.

I dont know why I feel let down, like I said probably me just being stupid

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 17:38:53

I think most people would feel upset by this. It is like a rejection and that is never nice.

mosschops30 Wed 26-Aug-09 17:40:31

cant really discuss on here ruby, but she has had issues with this and so have I, and we have discussed it together IYSWIM.
She would also have been working out of her allowance with 3 under 1 year old, plus 2 over a year but under 5, plus her own over 5 (1)

mosschops30 Wed 26-Aug-09 17:41:34

FBG can you come round and feed me tea and choccie biccies grin

rubyslippers Wed 26-Aug-09 17:41:59

well - i think you can feel a bit put out, but you have lots of time to find someone else in the interim

QuintessentialShadows Wed 26-Aug-09 17:42:33

I think it is probably because you felt close to her. She has minded your dc for years. Now it is the end of an era and he is starting school, and you were looking for SOME continuation, and saw your minder minding baby as this. Continuation. Not everything is NEW. IYSWIM

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 17:43:58

I am on my way grin

<hijack> what happened with the bras for your DD?

mosschops30 Wed 26-Aug-09 17:43:59

yes ruby thats true smile at least she's told me now.
Just hope I can find someone as wonderful as she was with ds, he was a part of her family

mosschops30 Wed 26-Aug-09 17:46:08

lol FBG, havent seen them yet, am picking dd up tomorrow from grandma's hmm Im too fat and tired to care anymore grin

yes quintess you may be right, Maybe a new start wouldnt be a bad thing, and hopefully we can stay friends

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 17:49:02

I can't find you!! <wails>

mosschops30 Wed 26-Aug-09 17:53:14

Lol, believe me, atm you cant miss me grin

I need to focus, after a horrible feeling down day yesterday I did lots of positive things today (swimming, cuppa in the health club, booked spa day, read trashy mag grin) and I feel totally let down again.

Need to forget about it and think about all the lovely things Im going to do with next 10 weeks getting even fatter.

Do you think I should txt her and just say that I am disappointed and a bit sad but that it will all be ok and I look forward to seeing her soon?

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 18:01:38

How was it left when she told you she didn't want to look after the new baby/wasn't able too?

mosschops30 Thu 27-Aug-09 11:42:20

sorry FBG. She hugged me and said she was glad Id taken it so well!

TBH this morning I am quite relieved, apart from the drama of finding someone I trust to look after this baby.
Me and dh talked about it last night and thought it was probably for the best for lots of reasons

FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 27-Aug-09 12:01:54

She probably was hoping you would take it well and said that so you couldn't disagree.

What will you do now?

mosschops30 Thu 27-Aug-09 12:09:13

Well not much point in disagreeing or making a show. She'd obviously made her decision, I just hope its the right one!
<shock at me drama-queen extrodinaire not making a scene>

Will have to get a list of CM's now from the council and trawl through them whilst on mat leave. Im not going back to work until 31st May, and even then unsure of hours or whether can return to same job etc so lots to think about.
Will probably leave it til after xmas and start looking then, dont want to end up paying a retainer on my pittance of SMP

FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 27-Aug-09 15:54:46

Good luck

mosschops30 Thu 27-Aug-09 16:11:10

Thanks FBG and thanks for the un-MN {{hugs}} when I needed them grin

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