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to be feeling a bit upset at some of my "so called" friends ???

(70 Posts)
cjones2979 Wed 26-Aug-09 11:44:20

It's my 30th birthday next week. I don't usually do a lot to celebrate my birthday, but as this is a big one, thought I would this year.

4 months ago I started organising a big party for this saturday. I invited around 140 people, including all their kids, so that there wouldn't be the issue of "can't get a babysitter" etc.

I had major problems getting people to commit, so after a month of trying to work out who was coming etc, I decided to cancel as I was due to pay the deposit on the venue which was non-refundable if I had to cancel. I thought it best as couldn't afford to lose £200 if more people let me down closer to the time.

Anyhow, I decided that instead of a party I would have a small get together at home for a few close friends. I started inviting people a few weeks ago & everyone said they could come - 4 couples, 1 single friend plus me & my DH. They all knew that it was an adults only night, so they needed to arrange babysitters.

I text everyone last week to make sure they were all still coming, and they said they were, all bar one couple who I didn't get a reply from, but didn't think for one minute they would let me down as they were the first to say they were definitely coming and the ones to organise their babysitter straight away.

Yesterday I placed a Tesco order for £116 worth of food and drink (which I couldn't really afford).

Then last night, the couple I didn't get a reply from text me to say that they weren't going to be able to make it because a family party had come up (even though they have known about the family do for a while!!!), then another of the couple said they hadn't sorted a babysitter yet so they weren't sure if they were going to make it. Then this morning, another of the couples has said that one of them can't make it as they have no babysitter, but the other will bring her mum with her instead. (It was meant to be a "young" persons night, my parents aren't even coming!!).

I just feel really sad and let down and am starting to wonder if I should have bothered.


corona Wed 26-Aug-09 11:47:57

Oh that's rubbish of them. No wonder you're pissed off. How many people have you got coming now?

Podrick Wed 26-Aug-09 11:51:36

Can you ask more people along at this stage? It will be a great party and it sounds as though you are not short of folk you would like to invite.

YANBU to be a bit pissed off but don't let it stop you having a great time!

FlightHattendant Wed 26-Aug-09 11:52:40

It's a shame so many people can't make it. I'm wondering if they might have somehow got the idea that you didn't really want them to? It sounds crazy but people can sense if you are yourself nervous about having a party, and that might make them feel awkward.

Saying that it is probably just me that happens to...hmmgrin

cjones2979 Wed 26-Aug-09 11:53:10

Theres me & DH obviously, 1 friend and my SIL & BIL for definite, so 5 of us!!!

The friend who says she is bringing her mum instead of her DP has a history of being a bit unreliable, so who knows if she will turn up.

One of the couple are apparently trying to sort a babysitter (even though they've had 4 weeks+ to sort this, but are only just starting), and are supposedly going to let me know today.

The other couple can't come.

So from 11 people, I am now down to 5, with the possibility of 4 more.

Wonderstuff Wed 26-Aug-09 11:53:46

Thats really rubbish of them, poor you sad
Could you invite differnt people? Then make sure the people who have let you down know what an excellent time you had?

Ewe Wed 26-Aug-09 11:55:58

Why can't your friends Mum babysit instead of coming to the party instead? <confused>

I would be pissed off too to be honest.

cjones2979 Wed 26-Aug-09 11:56:12

podrick - No there isn't really anybody else I could invite now because it really was meant to be just a small gathering of close friends, and as most of our friends have kids they would probably struggle at this late stage to get a babysitter. Also, I don't like inviting people last minute as I don't want anyone to think they were "second best".

FlightHattendant - They all knew how much I wanted this to work out after I had to cancel my original party. I was not nervous about this get together at all as really did not expect any of them to let me down.

cjones2979 Wed 26-Aug-09 11:57:50

Oh, don't worry Wonderstuff I will certainly be letting them know what a wonderful time we have, even if it's only me & DH who end up being here! [grin[

Ewe - Difficult one really as they are his kids from a previous relationship.

cjones2979 Wed 26-Aug-09 11:58:27

Whoops !! that was obviously meant to be grin not [grin[ !!

tethersend Wed 26-Aug-09 12:01:36

YANBU. And it hurts more because it's your 30th- a big deal!

I would take the group of 5 and go out for a meal or drinks somewhere, so you are not so aware of the absent 'friends'. I know it will cost more, but it's your thirtieth so worth it.

And make a note of your friends actions; when it comes to them wanting a favour from you, act accordingly wink

OtterInaSkoda Wed 26-Aug-09 12:04:06

YANBU. A couple of suggestions though. Could the babysitter-less people bring their dc? Set up some duvets and a DVD in a spare room (if you have one) or a quiet-ish corner. If you have space, you could have a big sleepover.
And what Pod says, ask some more people (you had 140 originally so I guess you know a few people).
People rarely think about the consequences of turning down/backing out of an invitation. I know I've been guilty of it - I just tend to think "I really want to go but don't want to impose on anyone to babysit, they won't notice if I'm not there, they've got plenty of friends". So it isn't that I don't want to go - rather it's a case of not wanting to impose on a babysitter. Of course what I should do is balance the inconvenience to the babysitter against the feelings of the party-holder, if that makes sense.

cjones2979 Wed 26-Aug-09 12:06:09

Thanks tethersend. We are already going out for a family meal on my actual birthday (Wed), although MIL has decided she is not coming!! (see my previous thread), so theres a bit of a dampener on that too. Plus, I have already bought and paid for the food and drink for saturday now.

Not gonna do anything for my bloody 40th, I can tell you !!! grin

cjones2979 Wed 26-Aug-09 12:07:56

Otter, my paretns are having my DC for the night, so don't really want a house full of other peoples kids, IYKWIM?
Haven't really got the room for it either.
Thanks for the suggestions though wink

cjones2979 Wed 26-Aug-09 12:09:19


hocuspontas Wed 26-Aug-09 12:12:55

As ewe said - why can't the mum babysit instead of coming as the partner?

spinspinsugar Wed 26-Aug-09 12:18:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cjones2979 Wed 26-Aug-09 13:09:45

hocuspontas - I suppose the reason she doesn't babysit is because they are not her daughters DC's, they are the daughters partners from a previous relationship.

I'm starting to feel that way spinspinsugar!! Wish I had used the money I have spent on food, drink & decorations (plus the effort!) on a weekend away instead.

At least I know for the future, huh?!

LadyStealthPolarBear Wed 26-Aug-09 13:28:44

you poor thing - it sounds as though your friends are useless rather than it being anything personal though.
Hope you end up having a lovely birthday.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 13:37:36

Cancel the party.

Put the food in the freezer.

Have a weekend in bed with your DH instead


potatofactory Wed 26-Aug-09 13:38:00

YANBU. It's bloody rubbish. People are so bleeding flaky these days!

londonartemis Wed 26-Aug-09 13:41:59

YANBU at all. Nor, unfortunately does it seem to be that unusual to have people refuse to commit, or else change their minds. It's the height of bad manners. I have every sympathy.
I really hope you have a fantastic time whatever you decide to do, and Happy Birthday!

WildSeahorsesCantStandTheDM Wed 26-Aug-09 14:24:46

No YANBU. It is really crap when people let you down at the last minute after having promised to attend something (even worse IMO when it is a party to celebrate a special event). Had similar thing with my wedding. Not sure why some people think that this is ok...

shock at the friend who invited her mum instead of her partner - can't believe she thought this was ok. TBH, I don't see why her mum can't babysit even if the kids aren't her daughter's biological kids - if the couple are long-term pertners, then they're effectively her daughter's stepchildren...

mollyroger Wed 26-Aug-09 14:27:37

everything seems to be so much casual these days [old gimmer]
texts and emails and fb mean it is much easier for people to dob out of stuff.

really hope you have a lovely night regardless cj, happy birthday!

yada Wed 26-Aug-09 14:31:15

this is exactly why dh and i are going to new york for my 30th, i have been saving for the last 3 yers and still have a few to go.

i dont want my memories of my 30th ruined by the ignorant people that i always manage to latch on to.

i wish i could find some of those fantastic friends that people talk about on here [having a bad day]

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