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Dad not taking care of kids

(6 Posts)
alias75 Tue 25-Aug-09 10:21:48

I allow my ex to see the kids when he wishes and the only time he chooses to have them over night is a monday and they are bought back at 6 in the morn.
I have been told by his neighbours the kids are left outside to play till gone 9 at night and he doesn't keep an eye on them and they are having to watch them.
Our kids are only 10 and 8 and our 10 year old has special needs, i don't allow them to play outside past 5 and when they are outside am out in the front garden keeping an eye on them.
What rights do i have in order to stop him allowing kids out so late.
Plus shouldn't he be following the rules i have in place for them so they don't get confussed?
I could really do with some advice.

curiositykilled Tue 25-Aug-09 10:27:08

Unfortunately you can't make him do anything if he has parental responsibility. The best thing is to build a good communication and respect between the two of you as parents. Have you spoken to him about these things?

mumeeee Tue 25-Aug-09 10:30:25

You neede to talk to you Ex about this. Also are you sure that his neighbours know that he isn't supervising them. He may be watching from a window.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Tue 25-Aug-09 10:31:32

I'm not sure how much support your child with special needs requires but I think an 8 and 10 year old are capable of playing in the garden unsupervised.
I'm not sure you really can stop him letting them out so late. TBH 5 to me seems very early my 2 are 3 and 5 and go out to the garden after tea at night so not in until bath and bed time. Also there doesn't seem to be any evidence from what you say that he is locking them out as long as they can come and go from the house if they need to I don't see a problem. If it's still the holidays where you are 9pm doesn't seem that late for children that age. I might make more of an issue with him during term time but as the nights will be getting darker and the weather bad soon it will probably be a non issue.

I don't generally buy into this same rules etc. My ex and I have had this discussion and I don't think it does the children any harm to have different rules at dad's house to mum,s. In the same way if they are at a friends house they follow the rules of that household. They won't get confused children are adaptable and will happily accept different rules in different situations.

It doesn't sound to me that there are any really issues here or that your dc's are in danger but I 100% understand where all your concerns are coming from becuase I do go through all sorts of emotions at times when ex has the dc's but I have learnt to calm down a bit and think a bit more rationally as to whether it is really a big deal or not.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Tue 25-Aug-09 10:32:25

And I don't mean totally unsupervised I would glance out the window and be in shouting distance but I wouldn't feel the need to sit out in the garden with them.

skyblu Tue 25-Aug-09 10:36:06

I agree with curiosity.

You have to talk to him, calmly and respectfully about your (as in BOTH of you) rules for the children.

What you BOTH deem acceptable and unacceptable.

Don't call him in and tell him off about it. That won't get you anywhere.

You need to discuss it and not in 'I do this so you should too' kind of a way.

The only way you have any chance of getting him to 'parent' your kids in a way you agree with is by having mutual respect for each others methods and opinions and good lines of communication. And remove any trace of 'you two' - it's purely about the children.

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