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I'm ridiculously annoyed with my family. They are all utterly useless. And uncaring. Tell me if I am being aibu.

(19 Posts)
Quattrocento Mon 24-Aug-09 23:19:35

I don't have much by way of extended family, being careless, like.

However I do have an elderly great aunt, of whom I am ridiculously fond. Think of her as the model for Aunt Dahlia of PG Wodehouse, but with a literary bent. She is 95 and still engages me with conversation about Thomas Hardy and DH Lawrence. She lives alone.

She had a fall last week and was admitted into hospital. Her only son texted me asking if I'd talked to her this week because he couldn't seem to get hold of her. He is currently walking the Inca Trail and out of contact most of the time.

So I find out, via the police, that she's been admitted into hospital, where she has spent the last week. They are not feeding her properly. She is utterly and completely bewildered and miserable and alone.

Her son's children, of which there are two, both grown men of 23 and 25 have not been to see her once. No cards, no flowers, no fruit, no company, nothing.

So I've been organising her getting out of this fucking awful hospital, and sorting out food and clothes and wheelchairs, and ramps and carers and stuff. I don't mind. She is lovely. It's not easy to cancel work for two days to do it all, especially as I am nearly 100 miles away. but needs must.

But I do mind that the grandchildren she adores (and for whom she has set up massive trust funds) have not been to see her ONCE.

I've phoned them and told them they are going. I got a lot of waffle about how they couldn't cancel this and that (this and that amounting to a festival and nothing in particular). I have told them they are going tomorrow. They gave in with bad grace.

But I am so very cross with them. Just venting really.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis Mon 24-Aug-09 23:21:16

they are young, they are boys... you're not, so it falls to you. i'm not overly surprised tbh.

Tidey Mon 24-Aug-09 23:23:07

I hope they do actually go, and that they didn't just agree with you to make you go away. sad that they don't want to of their own volition really. It's nice that she does have some family that care at least.

Seabright Mon 24-Aug-09 23:23:31

Don't let them get away with "they are boys" crap. She is their grandmother and they need to get stuck in and help out. End of.

itsmeolord Mon 24-Aug-09 23:24:02

They are grown men, if their grandmother has been generous enough to set them up financially then they could at least have the decency to get off their arses and help abit.
23 and 25 is not young enough to have a "I'm so young and can't possibly be held responsible" get out of jail free card.

Platesmasher Mon 24-Aug-09 23:24:21

YANBU.

but you do sound like you are doing a great job. i presume you are getting advice/support from her physio/OT,social worker?

Silver1 Mon 24-Aug-09 23:25:29

YANBU but when you throw in how much money someone else is going to get people will see you that way.

They have no sense of responsibility they probably weren't brought up with any-you can't change that you can just try and make your Great Aunt comfy-which is kind and good and commendable. You can vent on here.

Tortington Mon 24-Aug-09 23:26:42

what a great person you are.

stuff like this really close to my heart.

families are poo sometimes

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis Mon 24-Aug-09 23:27:54

i just don't think it's up to you to be cross with them. that's their dad's job. if you're going to help, then do it. it's not relevant that she's giving them her money, that's not going to make them more responsible, is it?

Quattrocento Mon 24-Aug-09 23:29:45

Thank you all. It's ridiculous to be in so cross and angry and in tears over this - but you know - it comes to us all in the end.

Platesmasher Mon 24-Aug-09 23:33:09

It's not ridiculouse to be cross and angry.
You want the best for her.
Just tell her you love her.

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper Mon 24-Aug-09 23:40:34

I assume the son is winging his way home from said Inca Trail?
If not, it's hardly surprising his offspring are do-nothings.

Tortington Mon 24-Aug-09 23:41:37

id be mighty cross with them too.

sons dont visit their own mum after a fall and the GCs dont see nan either

no flowers

no fruit

no cards

its fucking disgusting.

Quattrocento Mon 24-Aug-09 23:42:08

Yes, I've been in touch with her doctor and stuff.

I think I am being angry and cross with the grandsons - of whom I am fond myself of course - because of my own personal grief. But still, they should come and be with her just a bit. It's coming to the end now, I know.

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis Mon 24-Aug-09 23:44:30

it is a rotten shame, of course it is, and she sounds amazing. but if she's getting on and her only son is tramping the inca trail without having sorted out that his children will keep a special eye on her, that kind of gives you the nod i think.

hambler Mon 24-Aug-09 23:46:21

you are fab.
The grandsons are immature twunts

Quattrocento Tue 25-Aug-09 00:03:03

The son is back from finding himself in Peru next Wednesday so thought it wasn't really necessary to cut short his holiday.

Oh yes, the grandchildren are going. I can be a bit fierce sometimes, you know. I did have to bung one of them £100 for the rail fare and some flowers. I didn't of course ask why he was going to have trouble finding the cash, which was tactful in the circumstances, I thought.

And yes, I will tell her how much I love her. Thank you for reminding me of that. I don't think I will have many more opportunities to get it said. In best wooster traditions, it's never been said before.

jybay Tue 25-Aug-09 12:25:00

Well done - both for all you have done for your aunt and for telling those lazy tw* to get off their arses and visit.

Sounds like you are doing a great job but, if you need more help, Age Concern were a big help to me in similar circumstances.

MummyDragon Tue 25-Aug-09 13:56:04

No of course YANBU, and your great-aunt is lucky to have such a caring great-niece, and hopefully this will make the son and his sons wake up and grow a sense of responsibility ... well done to you, quite frankly.

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