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not allowed to phone my sister.

(65 Posts)
Babieseverywhere Mon 24-Aug-09 16:36:24

My mother has told me I am not to ring or visit my sister, as she now home recovering from having her first child.

Baby born Saturday morning, I visited (her in hospital without my kids) with my parents on Saturday afternoon.

I thought this was reasonable enough, as my sister will be tired and need a rest. But my DH think my mother is being evil and controlling hmm

I said Mumsnet will agree with me.....

PS. My DH wants me to add that my mother is looking up breastfeeding advice on the internet and telling my sister what she thinks is relevent hmm whilst telling her that it is alright if she wants to give up breastfeeding.

I don't feel this is very supportive.

My sister made it clear that she wants to breastfeed and wants support to this end. My sister chucked my parents out of her cubical in hospital on Saturday, as she wanted my help to latch her baby on (I'm nursing my two children over the last 3 years and fairly well read on breastfeeding) I suspect this upset my mum.

MaureenMLove Mon 24-Aug-09 16:38:05

How often do you ordinarily speak or see your sister?

LilRedWG Mon 24-Aug-09 16:38:36

Call your sister to clarify if she has requested this or your mother. It sounds to me as though your Mum has made the call for her and it could be that you sister is in need of some tlc and help from you.

mosschops30 Mon 24-Aug-09 16:38:43

IMHO you should all butt-out and leave your sister alone with her partner and baby for a while.
Tis nothing to do with your mother, you or your dh.

littlenamelessunrememberedacts Mon 24-Aug-09 16:38:53

I don't think your mother has any right to police who you or your sister speak to and when. She is being controlling.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Mon 24-Aug-09 16:39:19

I'm with your dh. Surely if your sister doesn't want to talk to you she can say, "Look, I'm a bit shattered, I'll speak to you later, ok?"


littlenamelessunrememberedacts Mon 24-Aug-09 16:39:42

perhaps the OP's sister doesn't want the OP to "butt out" and would welcome her support though, mosschops hmm

Flibbertyjibbet Mon 24-Aug-09 16:40:18

I would just ring your sister, say 'now I know you won't want to be disturbed, settling in and all, but I just want you to know that I'm here if you need anything at all, or just a chat if baby sleeping. I just didn't want you to think that I wasn't interested'

Maybe your sister has told your mother not to ring or visit and your mother won't dream that this doesn't apply to everyone!!

ooo if she is looking for help on the internet she will be seeing this thread then grin

TheArmadillo Mon 24-Aug-09 16:40:21

Why don't you give your sister a very brief call - something like 'hi, I appreciate that you are probably all up in air but just wanted you to know I am here if you need anything - even if just to get mum off your back for a bit. Hope you are getting on ok, bye'

It's not too intrusive if you keep it very short (i.e. a minute or 2) but lets you know if this has come from her or your mum.

LilRedWG Mon 24-Aug-09 16:41:17

Msschops is correct on many levels, but I do feel that a quick call to your sister just to tell her to call you as and when needed would be in order, and that otherwise you'll give her space, just so she knows that you are around for her.

Babieseverywhere Mon 24-Aug-09 16:41:21

This is definately instructions from my mother not my sister.

I think it is reasonable to leave her be to babymoon, if she needs me she knows where I am.

I normally chat a couple of times a week to my sister real lifes permitting.

Celery Mon 24-Aug-09 16:42:28

Surely, as two adults, it's up to you and your sister how you conduct your relationship.

I'd give her a quick call and speak to her, if I were you.

Without knowing what your family dynamics are usually like, it's impossible to say though.

LilRedWG Mon 24-Aug-09 16:42:32

Do as numerous have said and make a very short call telling her that you are there as and when...

Flibbertyjibbet Mon 24-Aug-09 16:43:02

You don't want your sister on here next week

AIBU, none of my family has phoned or visited since I had my baby last week and I hhate them for it!!!

Pikelit Mon 24-Aug-09 16:43:45

WTF is a "babymoon" when it's at home?

(Goes off in old fogeyish tutting fit)

saintmaybe Mon 24-Aug-09 16:43:50

Or send a card with what fliberty said?

Babieseverywhere Mon 24-Aug-09 16:44:04

TBH I am going to send a brief text, just saying we hope they are doing well and I around for a chat when she feels up for it.

Strictly speaking this crosses my mother's instructions but she never said no texts, so she can not use this as a point of argument.

DesperateHousewifeToo Mon 24-Aug-09 16:44:50

You could text her rather than call.

Ask if she wants some space or does she need anything?

Babieseverywhere Mon 24-Aug-09 16:45:11

Flibbertyjibbet LMAO

littlenamelessunrememberedacts Mon 24-Aug-09 16:45:27

is your mother usually this controlling?

your sister might be very glad of you, if so!

thesecondcoming Mon 24-Aug-09 16:47:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Babieseverywhere Mon 24-Aug-09 16:49:55

Well I didn't think my mother is controlling but after recanting a few things she said and done in the past my course tutor suggested my mother would benefit from therapy !!!

I really can't tell I love my mother to pieces and of course she has been the same way all our lifes.

It is just when my DH says that is her actions are not acceptable or he thinks she crosses the line and I have to think well has she ?

GoldenSnitch Mon 24-Aug-09 16:50:05

Sounds like your sister both wants and appreciates the advice you can/could give her with regards to feeding.

I would ignore your Mum (who sounds a bit jealous), give her a quick ring or even a text to remind her you are there for her whenever she needs you then leave her to call...

If you guys are as close as you sound, I'm sure she'll ring you if she needs you.

I would have been hurt if my whole family had "butted out" when DS was born!! - I wanted a bit of help and to show him off! Am a bit peeved that PIL are off on holiday a week after DD is due TBH, we would have starved if it weren't for her cooking last time!

DearHusband Mon 24-Aug-09 16:51:51


Yes, yes she is.

Babieseverywhere Mon 24-Aug-09 16:52:08

thesecondcoming, If you had bothered to actually read my post, you would see that I have 'kept my beak out' and it is my DH who thinks I should be more activally there for my sister.

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