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to think a day out should at least be a whole day?

(106 Posts)
RealityIsNOTDetoxing Mon 24-Aug-09 11:36:01

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colditz Mon 24-Aug-09 11:38:59

She's clearly a control freak,, probaly best that you avoid social occasions with her until the child in question is about 35.

themoon66 Mon 24-Aug-09 11:41:23

I'd be tempted to tell her not to bother coming at all. But then I am a bit arsey and premenstrual today.

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Mon 24-Aug-09 11:42:55

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RealityIsNOTDetoxing Mon 24-Aug-09 11:44:07

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foxinsocks Mon 24-Aug-09 11:44:08

lol you two

thing is <dons sensible hat>, anxious mothers are often like that (or control freak mothers).

You can't tell people not to be anxious but you can suggest, at the beach, that you take the baby for a walk in the buggie and see what happens (though doubt she'd let you!). Did she have PND or has a recognised anxiety issue? Because it does sound a lot more due to her not wanting to be out a lot than anything else.

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Mon 24-Aug-09 11:46:06

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foxinsocks Mon 24-Aug-09 11:49:51

I suspect that she's possibly using the baby as an excuse then. She might be struggling to have social interaction. Would think that the best possible medicine is to be your totally normal laidback self (if that's what you are like wink) and see how she does.

I always feel for people struggling with mental health issues. Just want to hold their hand and tell them the big wide world is not so bad!

becky7000 Mon 24-Aug-09 11:52:05

I can see why you are really annoyed and I think her child would be fine sleeping in the buggy but I have to admit that with DC1 I would have probably been just like her!. I was very depressed and anxious with DC1 and felt like if his routine failed then it would all go wrong. With DC2 and 3 I was a lot more laid back and would go with the flow.

I don't know how your SIL is feeling but maybe she needs more confidence to know that she can be a good parent without always having to follow a strict routine.

roisin Mon 24-Aug-09 11:52:38

I'd just let her parent the way she chooses to parent.

When my boys were little friends always raised their eyebrows because we never allowed them out in the evenings (I mean past 6pm!) But the reason was we'd learned from past experience that it wasn't worth it. They always got up at 6 am anyway, no matter what time they went to bed, and they thrived having a fairly predictable routine.

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Mon 24-Aug-09 11:54:29

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foxinsocks Mon 24-Aug-09 11:57:20

yes, that is sad isn't it .

I always found taking them out a lot easier grin (but maybe that's because mine were LOUD and sounded less loud outside!).

I do think it takes some people a while to get to that stage (of enjoyment) though. They can seem like an awful lot of work when they are small!

It does sound like she finds him a bit of a chore! Imagine having 2 days free as a SAHM!

FuriousofTunbridgeWells Mon 24-Aug-09 12:01:40

YABU. Children who are awkward sleepers are bloody annoying, speaking as someone who has one. It's irritating having to plan my days around when DS needs to sleep. I'm not anxious, terrified, or precious. I have never been a fan of routine, but unfortunately for me my DS is.

In some ways it's nice because for his first year he just Did Not Sleep or nap. So he's making up for it now (nearly 2).

But I am well aware that this won't last long, he will drop his nap, and I can leave the house for more than 4 hours. Hurrah!

It doesn't have to ruin your day. And the car thing is between your MIL and SIL. I would never dream of making anyone else go home early just because we were.

GypsyMoth Mon 24-Aug-09 12:04:28

my littlest is 18 months.....he's full on and active,so when he goes down for his nap,i am soooo relieved!! he can sleep in his cot for up to around 3 hours some days.....but if in his buggy,roughly 45 mins. so as you think she finds him hard work,then i'm guessing she needs that time off.

as for the rest of her strange ideas...not so sure!!

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Mon 24-Aug-09 12:05:50

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FuriousofTunbridgeWells Mon 24-Aug-09 12:06:43

Oh should add that I do enjoy him, he is the cliche light of my life I don't find him hard work at all.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Mon 24-Aug-09 12:08:27

It does sound like she has problems dealing with things, had a friend like this who hid for a long time the extent of her depression.
She got more and more enclosed her dc's especially her 2nd barely went anywhere to the point her 2nd hated even going to the local shop.
She just couldn't cope unless her routine was followed to a letter her depression was so bad she couldn't cope with the unpredctable and ended up looking like a total control freak because she struggled to get through the day if something threw it off.

It was sooo frustrating at times as most of us never realised for a long time how bad things were for her because outwardly she appeared fine and together if a little controlling.
It took something really drastic to realise how bad she was.
So I do have a little sympathy for your SIL it sounds like she has a few issues that she is possibly not dealing with very well so is controlling the bits of her life she feels she can.

SoupDragon Mon 24-Aug-09 12:11:53

Have you tried to help her find ways to find parenting easier or are you just p*ssed off that it will spoil your day out?

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Mon 24-Aug-09 12:19:37

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roisin Mon 24-Aug-09 12:23:31

I just don't see why it will spoil your day out. We often have vague family/friends days out, where different families/groups of people drop in and out as it suits them.

Nowadays on a relaxed holiday day we wouldn't set off anywhere before 10.30, unless we made a huge effort; and even then we're dragging ds1 out of bed. But we will happily stay til late in the evening.

But just a few years ago we'd be very happy to set off at 8am, but would ideally want to be home by 5pm.

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Mon 24-Aug-09 12:24:56

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RealityIsNOTDetoxing Mon 24-Aug-09 12:26:50

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IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Mon 24-Aug-09 12:31:00

It really sounds like she is having problems dealing with things it could be her that is having problems dealing with lots of people.

BintOfBohemia Mon 24-Aug-09 12:33:26

I'll second furious - DS1 could be incredibly hard work and if he missed a nap it was a nightmare. He had (and still has)the capacity for tantrums that are completely nuclear and it was just easier not to bother, rather than struggle through an event, ruin it for everyone and get really really stressed.

DS2 is totally different, very laid back and will sleep anywhere, but DS1 really needed the routine. And so did we, it helped to know that there would be an hour or so in the day where you could sit down in peace. And I still live for 7pm. grin

Sounds like she's having a hard time. And she probably feels shit about not being able to stay out too. Cut her a bit of slack, it can be hellish if you struggle.

roisin Mon 24-Aug-09 12:45:06

Why not invite another friend/family to come along, so it will be more fun for you.
Or how far is it to the beach? Could sil get a taxi home?
Or would someone be prepared to run her home and miss some of the fun?

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