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Was I being unreasonable to tell my DH if he didn't come on holiday I'd divorce him?

(41 Posts)

Genuine question as I feel a bit embarassed about this but at the time I was so angry with him.

He has not come on a summer holiday with me and DD for about 6 years now. DD is 9 and for the last few years we've gone on our own. He reckons that holidays are boring, though he will come on skiing holidays with us. As we blow any money we have on a ski holiday I can only afford to take DD camping in the summer, which is fine.

So me and DD went to Devon last week, I'd booked the holiday in Jan and asked him several times to come but he'd always made excuses. It was a 7 hour drive for us but got there OK.

Then on Tuesday the tent broke, I bought a replacement and that broke. I was by now rather hysterical after spending hours trying to fix various tents on my own. I rang him up and told him if he didn't come now I'd divorce him. God knows what he told his boss but he managed to get the next 3 days off work and drove all the way to Devon, arriving at 3:00am.

By the time he got here someone had put the tent up for me and I had calmed down enough to think maybe I'd over reacted. But my mobile had died and I'd forgotten the charger so I couldn't ring him to tell him not to bother. I do feel bad he drove all that way but at the same time I feel he shouldn't have put me in that position.

moondog Sun 23-Aug-09 14:10:39

Will he not come for the sake of your dd even if he doesn't like them? What odes she think of all this?

aGalChangedHerName Sun 23-Aug-09 14:12:04

Why on earth have you put up with this? What does dd think about her dad not wanting to come on ols with you both?

aGalChangedHerName Sun 23-Aug-09 14:13:10

Oh and YANBU at all!!

MuthaHubbard Sun 23-Aug-09 14:13:56

Why on earth won't he go with you to spend time with his dd? So what if it's boring, parents often have to do tedious/embarassing things for their dc's to make them happy/spend time with them.

Sounds a tad selfish to me.

themoon66 Sun 23-Aug-09 14:14:41

I've been 'forcing' DH to come on summer holidays for the last 13 years. This year, he was laid on a sunbed and came out with the words I've waited 13 years to hear...

'God this is so nice I don't want to go home - we must book a full fortnight again next year'!!!

Make him go OP.. it will come good in the end grin

diddl Sun 23-Aug-09 14:18:50

Probably depends on whether or not you meant it!
But it´s not as if you don´t have a family holiday.
But I´d spend less on the skiing so that I wouldn´t be in a tent with my daughter!

TheCrackFox Sun 23-Aug-09 14:19:36

YANBU.

He should want to spend time with his wife and DD.

sunnydelight Sun 23-Aug-09 14:28:41

YANBU. We all do "boring" stuff for the sake of our kids.

mayorquimby Sun 23-Aug-09 14:30:12

is this serious?
of course yabu.

Meglet Sun 23-Aug-09 14:34:04

yanbu about being pissed off with your dh for not going. But why don't you not go skiiing and just have a nice summer holiday all together. Or all go skiiing and scrap the summer holiday. One holiday a year is pretty good going IMO.

mumoverseas Sun 23-Aug-09 14:34:28

YANBU but maybe went a little over the top. He really should be going on holiday with you and DD and spending quality time with you.
Funnily enough, DH and I were talking about holidays when we were younger recently and he remembers that his dad would never go on holiday with him and his mum and clearly he resents that. It was not as if he couldn't afford to, couldn't get time off etc, he just didn't want to go.
Does your DH realise that your DD may feel very let down by him, if not now, then in the future?

Pitchounette Sun 23-Aug-09 14:55:07

Message withdrawn

diddl Sun 23-Aug-09 14:56:08

But you are having a family holiday every year if you are all skiing together.
Noone says it has to be i the summer!
Lucky that you can get away more than once!

Pitchounette Sun 23-Aug-09 15:00:51

Message withdrawn

I'd happily not go skiing, we go skiing because he wants to ski. I don't really like it, however DD does and he wants me there so he can go skiing with his mates and I can pick DD up from her lessons. Oh, yes - we never go away the three of us skiing, we always go with his ex girlfrield, her DH and my DH's best mate.

As for time to himself - every single weekend that he chooses to bugger off paragliding and spend no time with me and DD. Most weekends. I'd love the chance to relax and wind down by myself but its not happened. And the week's holiday he has with his mates every year to go off paragliding in the Alps.

I would have divorced him if he hadn't come. I'm sick of him putting me and DD last and I think that struggling with the tent was just what tipped me over the edge.

DD used to ask why her dad doesn't come on holiday but now doesn't even ask. She doesn't seem to like her dad much at times and infact afetr he turned up she asked me if he could go again as she liked it better when it was just the two of us.

I haven't had a holiday where I've been able to relax in the last 9 years. Wheras he has a week skiing every year (where childcare is left to me), a week's paragliding every year with his mates and a week where he doesn't come on holiday with us in the summer. He doesn't spend that time relaxing at home though, he goes to work. Last year he hadn't used all his leave entitlement so lost it. He'd ratehr go to work than come on holiday with us. I don't want to have to spend the rest of my life in that sort of relationship. I'd rather be single.

screamingabdab Sun 23-Aug-09 15:54:52

YAsoNBU.

I am so sorry. It sounds as if you are effectively living as a single parent

screamingabdab Sun 23-Aug-09 15:57:08

Do you not have the Campervan anymore ? (just had a peek on your Profile Page)

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sun 23-Aug-09 15:57:18

At least he took you seriously and came.

I've still got the campervan, its just not big enough when we're away for a week. We need a small tent to put bikes, wetsuits, bags of clothes, etc in.

TheProfiteroleThief Sun 23-Aug-09 16:05:44

imo family holidays should be family affairs - maybe skiing one year, beach the next as a compromise.

Parent alone time is by negotiation only in our house.

I suspect your dh realised that actually he is part of the family, not an optional extra!

diddl Sun 23-Aug-09 16:09:58

I´d be tempted not to go skiing again.

screamingabdab Sun 23-Aug-09 16:11:47

Pitchounette Of course, no-one thinks any parent should be with their family all the time, but in this case, it sounds as if the OPs DH is the only one getting the right to time to themselves.

Not exactly fair.

screamingabdab Sun 23-Aug-09 16:12:47

diddl I agree

WorzselMummage Sun 23-Aug-09 16:13:29

I'd rather be single than that too. YANBU at all !

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