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Shall I call my husband and ask him where he and DS is?

(19 Posts)
pootle09 Sun 23-Aug-09 13:20:11

My H has taken our 2.3 son to a christening this morning. It's a five minute drive to the church/reception thing and is for one of our neighbours, whom we don't know particularly well (they've not long moved in). I didn't go because I have terrible morning sickness. They've been gone for three hours and I know my H didn't take any lunch for DS (he can't eat what's at the reception because he has very severe gluten/milk allergies). My son normally has his lunch around 12pm and then goes to sleep for a couple of hours at 1pm. I'm starting to get a bit naffed off that they\re not back yet because my son won\t have had his lunch. It's not the first time that he's had his lunch 'a bit late' - I once left DS with my H and my H didn't feed him for the entire time I was gone (six hours), not even a drink of water.

I feel like I need to call him to remind him to come home and give DS his lunch, but I'm sick of feeling like I have to remind him about basic stuff like this when it comes to DS. It feels like I have to be mother to both of them and that is NOT good.

So, what would you do?

slartibartfast Sun 23-Aug-09 13:23:04

He'll know you well enough not to be irritated by a 'reminding' text ??

violethill Sun 23-Aug-09 13:24:40

A two year old will make it known if he's hungry/thirsty.

I would bet they're having a great time and your ds is too busy playing to think about food!

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sun 23-Aug-09 13:25:58

So you will potentially leave your son to be thirsty and hungry just to make a point?

pootle09 Sun 23-Aug-09 13:26:41

I don't think he'll be irritated by a reminding text, but I will be irritated having to send it!

I also think he knows me well enough (and we've been through this type of situation many times) to know that him being this late back with DS will annoy me. I'm actually starting to wonder if he's doing it on purpose in a passive aggressive way.

violethill Sun 23-Aug-09 13:29:47

Aah right there's a history here then.

As I said, a two year old will make it known if he's hungry/thirsty/had enough and wants to go home.

If you think your ds may be giving those signals to his dad and being ignored, then I think it needs more than a text to sort this out....

pootle09 Sun 23-Aug-09 13:37:03

I have called him to see where they are - no answer so I left a message on his voicemail asking him to call me back when he gets the message.

Mumcentreplus Sun 23-Aug-09 13:40:59

So you believe your DH would purposely not come home to feed your child to control you?..does he love his son that little?..does he dislike you that much?

are you sure your not being the passive aggressive yourself?...just a thought

pootle09 Sun 23-Aug-09 13:51:38

I don't know mumcentreplus - it's an interesting thought. Could you explain how I might be being passive aggressive? I'm genuinely curious.

I think I do have a tendancy to be a bit anally retentive and, bearing that in mind, I'm trying to keep things in perspective. My husband is much more laid back than I am, but sometimes I don't know if it might be to the detriment of our son's care (in terms of not having lunch within in a reasonable time frame etc). I'm trying to see when I'm being reasonable and when I'm not. It\s getting on for nearly two hours now after my son normally has his lunch. I presume if he was thirsty my husband would have given him some water, and I know they at least took a small smoothie with them.

Am I overreacting?

diddl Sun 23-Aug-09 13:54:44

He´s an adult.
Treat him like one & give him the chance to behave like one!
Are you absolutely certain that there is nothing your son can eat-do you know what food is offered?
Your son is over 2-surely your husband has some idea of your daily routine and what your son can eat.

OrmIrian Sun 23-Aug-09 13:56:55

He's the child's father. Leave him to do as he thinks fit. Would he seriously do your child harm? Or are you perhaps a little over-anxious?

PitysSake Sun 23-Aug-09 13:57:30

dont you bloody dare

pootle09 Sun 23-Aug-09 14:03:28

No, I definitely don't think he would intentionally harm our child. He might verge on 'benign neglect' though.

He knows what our son can and can't eat and I really don't think he would give him anything with gluten or milk in it. If there is fruit there DS would be able to eat that, but I have no idea what they have.

I really really want to leave him to get on with it, but I don't want our son to go hungry or thirsty either.

PinkTulips Sun 23-Aug-09 14:33:02


sit your arse on the couch and enjoy watching crappy sunday tv.

chances are he's purposefully stayed out longer to give you a break as you're feeling rotten.

gf/df food does exist on the outside world, my kids never starved when out for a whole day. he's probably having a ball running around with lots of other kids at the after party and your dh figures there's no point dragging him home tantrumming to you.

even if there's not much food there a child won't drop dead for missing lunch once, credit your dh and ds with the intelligance not to starve to death without your watchful supervision and stop obsessing.

(sorry for typing, baby asleep on my arm)

mumoverseas Sun 23-Aug-09 14:37:59

agree with PT waves to PT whilst typing one handed with sleeping baby on her lap!
thank god he has finally fallen asleep grin

pootle09 Sun 23-Aug-09 14:38:54

You are completely right PinkTulips! They have just got back (2.5 hours after 'normal' lunch time) and DS has had a smoothie, apple and banana.

Bearing in mind though that he said before they left that they'd be back 'in time to give DS his lunch and put him to bed', I've asked him to call me if he's going to be later than that and let me know that at least they are okay and DS isn't starving.

Morloth Sun 23-Aug-09 14:45:12

Depends, do you mind if he calls you when you are out with DS?

Kids get pretty loud about being hungry. Either he is responsible enough to have him by himself or he is not.

DH is pretty erratic with DS, but they bounce along together. Don't interfere with that is my advice.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sun 23-Aug-09 17:54:39

So he had lunch and missed his nap. My DH is terrible at getting DS to have afternoon nap - he forgets, or doesn't want to interrupt his playing, or gives up when DS doesn't go to sleep immediately. It annoys me but it doesn't do him any harm. I think you need to step back a bit. With another one on the way you can't afford to be so in control wink

mamas12 Sun 23-Aug-09 18:24:32

And also I suggest your dh deals with any 'fall out' concerning hungry and nap deprived child.
i.e. make his food and put him to bed tinight !!

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