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DD (age 12) about to start 7th school! FFS how did I manage to feck up her life??

(5 Posts)
ChaosUnlimited Sat 22-Aug-09 17:24:33

BIT LONG SO BEAR WITH ME!!

School 1 was from Reception to Yr1.

Then had twins so needed a bigger house and the only affordable one was 3 miles away (DH needed only car for work)so had to move to School 2 from Yr2 to Yr3.

Then had an opportunity to move abroad so moved to School 3 for Yr4 (did not plan to stay for only a year but had to come back to the UK for various reasons and now bitterly regret that!).

Had to move in with my parents on our return as had no house or jobs hence School 4 for 3 months at the start of Yr5. Parents live in very posh area and could not afford a house there or find jobs so had to move again to School 5 in completely different area from 2nd term of Yr5 to end of Yr6.

Started Secondary school (no 6) last year (what we researched and thought was a very good school outside of our local area but most of her friends from primary school did not go there) and went completely off the rails: lying, swearing, stealing from my purse, talking non stop about getting a boyfriend, splattering so much make-up on in the mornings she looked like a clown (cue shouting matches EVERY morning for her to wash it off), wanting to hang out in town aimlessly with so-called mates and basically not bothering about doing any school work at all - continuous detentions, put in a social skills group due to anger problems shock and basically a complete personality change so decided before the summers hols that we had made a mistake sending her there and have arranged for her to move to our local secondary school (school 7!!) so she can be back with her primary school friends in September to start Yr8.

Am now stressing myself thinking that I have fucked up yet again and she should stay where she is as it is familiar to her and she does not need the stress of moving yet again. WWYD?? I cannot believe how things have turned out for her and feel that the constant moving has contributed to her lacking in self confidence and being a follower (she had got in with the troublemakers when she got into secondary school). At primary, I was always told what a lovely, kind girl she was who always tried her best and she has now turned into a monster sad or perhaps it is just hormonal, I don't know. She ruined our holiday which we have just got back from with her constant loud tantrums and demands and I found her an embarrassment shock. She is such a beautiful, funny girl and I don't know what to do with her!!

TheCrackFox Sat 22-Aug-09 17:29:20

Don't be so hard on yourself. I am sure you didn't plan for her to go to so many schools.

FWIW you are absolutely doing the right thing by changing schools now.
DH changed schools when he was 13. His parents thought it was a better school, even though he was doing well academically and had nice friends. He went off the rails in a big way purely because he fell into a bad crowd.

TheProfiteroleThief Sat 22-Aug-09 17:30:22

I never move house as hate change, but would say

1 You made every decision with the good of your family in mind.
2 All teenagers have horrible phases imo, so pretty much inevitable
3 Sometimes a fresh start is brilliant and can give her the change to reinvent herself. Maybe you can focus on that for September

Silver1 Sat 22-Aug-09 17:33:12

YANBU-You did your best for her. Maybe in light of her recent behaviour lay out that you intend for her to stay in this school so she needs to give herself a bit of a shake!

mmrred Sat 22-Aug-09 17:34:50

My eldest goes to a school that is 50% army kids. They did a survey and found that the average number of schools attended was 14! And that was by Year 8! Some of them are horrors but most of them are lovely kids. We always blame ourselves when things are going a bit pear-shaped...does she have another trusted adult to talk to? Granny, favourite auntie...my best friend has stepped in a few times and helped me no end.

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