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to be getting a bit frustrated with my friend

(15 Posts)
bluejellybean Sat 22-Aug-09 10:23:22

Our baby group has 6 babies all almost 2 who have been meeting together since birth, its lovely and I am so lucky to have this group.

The children have all reached that stage of not sharing, having the odd push and a scrap, all normal toddler behaviour.

One little boy however is very shy and will cry if another child has something he wants, he just stands there are crys until his mum gets it for him. Not really a big deal but its getting worse now. The thing is all the other children take things from one another get over it and move on, we all so lots of positive partening but expect its just how they learn.

It got a bit mad last week when the little boy cried and cried as he wanted different toys and wouldn't get them. In the end he saw something outside he wanted and as his mum "feels so bad for him" she let him outside to have a go. At this point all the kids wanted to be free outside and out they all went! They were fine, played well until they got cross the little boy wouldn't come off and let the others have a go. Next thing the little boy is pushed off and had his hair pulled! Ah!!! I felt terrible as my little boy was one of the frustrated ones who did it but a little part of me thinks that everytime his mum runs to the rescue he doesn't stick up for himself.

I gave time out to my son which was fine.
Its getting to the point now where I feel we can't do anything incase he is upset and when you have very very confident child its not easy.

Any top tips please!

bluejellybean Sat 22-Aug-09 11:00:15

Any top tips please!

MrsMattie Sat 22-Aug-09 11:04:02

Keep it in perspective. In a couple of years time, none of this will matter a jot. I honestly think smiling sweetly and gritting your teeth through all of these annoying, small- child-related matters is the best approach. What else can you do?

colditz Sat 22-Aug-09 11:04:49

top tip is butt out and let her raise her son without your interference, to be honest.

I know you're only trying to help, but she will see it as cheek.

bluejellybean Sat 22-Aug-09 11:13:10

I had no intention of tellling her to do anything coldit

Thanks MrsMattie, I guess its how you handle things with your own child as it seems to effect the other little boy, its so hard to know if to ignore things they do without making it look like her little boy is being 'walked over' as his mum puts it......

bluejellybean Sat 22-Aug-09 11:13:12

I had no intention of tellling her to do anything coldit

Thanks MrsMattie, I guess its how you handle things with your own child as it seems to effect the other little boy, its so hard to know if to ignore things they do without making it look like her little boy is being 'walked over' as his mum puts it......

colditz Sat 22-Aug-09 11:24:50

Just remove your child away from the easily upset one, without telling your own child off. Distract him. If the other child is being particularly uncalled for, you could say "Come on, Ds, I think X is getting a bit upset today. Lets go and see what Y is doing over on the swing!"

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Sat 22-Aug-09 11:27:13

It is frustrating but they are stil very little. I do understand though that you feel you are punishing your child for doing something that was a normal not quite 2 year old reaction to the frustration of something this little boy has done that you feel his mother should be stepping in and helping with.
God that made no sense did it?
MrMattie is right though none of these things will matter soon enough anyway.

We had a little boy like that at dd's groups and the sad thing was it did become a problem as they got older as his mum always felt sorry for him and never encouraged him to share and play nicely (and not be violent) the result being is he is at school now and uncontrollable by the teacher. His mum is totally onside with the school re their discipline of him but she still doesn't do it at home so it is a never ending battle I think. She has lost all control and can't/won't try to turn it around because of the hard work involved in changing everything she had ever done in the past.

How you deal with your own is way more important in the end and have faith in the job you're doing as a parent and all will be fine.

chocolateismyonlyweakness Sat 22-Aug-09 11:29:24

I would try and help your friend distract her ds, if he's crying for a toy suggest snack time or something! Your friend's ds sounds very sensitive and she's feeling protective as he finds it difficult to get in there and rough and tumble.

Agree with MrsMattie these things sort themselves out in time, but whilst you are going through it this stuff can be stressful.

MrsMattie Sat 22-Aug-09 11:29:30

I have it the other way, bluejellybean.

I have a big, bossy, domineering child who is usually the one responsible for some sensitive little soul's tears blush. I've tried all sorts of approaches and have run the full gamut of emotions - embarrassment, anger, indignation etc etc - and I honestly think the best thing any parent of young children can do is to keep smiling, not make things an issue and hold back from any sort of criticism of other people's children and/or parenting techniques.

Manage the situation at the time as diplomatically and with as little fuss as possible and don't worry about the future, your friend, her child etc. It sounds annoying, but hey - groups of small kids are quite annoying grin.

colditz Sat 22-Aug-09 11:30:34

Oh, and believe it or not, I was a sensitive little soul who weeped at the drop of a hat. I'm a bruiser now though!

piscesmoon Sat 22-Aug-09 11:37:08

I agree with colditz-you leave the other mother and DC to sort it and just deal with yours in a matter of fact way.

newtotheplanet Sat 22-Aug-09 12:13:05

Message withdrawn

spinspinsugar Sat 22-Aug-09 12:22:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bluejellybean Sat 22-Aug-09 20:39:43

Thanks everyone, really helpful suggestions and given me lots to think about.Thanks again.

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