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To want my sister to phone me up occasionally?

(6 Posts)
poshsinglemum Sat 22-Aug-09 09:57:06

Or alternatively want to speak to me when I phone her up?

I am quite upset with the lack of relationship I have with my sister. She is god mother to my dd but she never, ever phones up to see how she is. She asks how we are through my parents.
We have had our differences in the past. I have been a bitch, she has been a bitch but I am trying to build bridges. I feel sad that we are not close and I don't feel that I can turn to her when I have a problem.
I think the problem is that she has an infinately more succesful life than me with a lovely partner and lucrative career and I am a single mum on benefits so mabe she feels that she can't relate.
She was great when I got pregnant though and supported me when my ex wanted me to terminate but I didn't.

I had a bad falling out with my dad yesterday and phoned her up in distress but she wasn't interested. I don't think she wanted to take sifdes which is fair enough.
It just hurts that she never ever phones to see how we are. I end up making an effort and when I do see her at Christmas she is quite distant.

poshsinglemum Sat 22-Aug-09 09:57:59


shootfromthehip Sat 22-Aug-09 10:05:12

I think this can be a really heartbreaking situation- I have 2 siblings who, in the past, have been very close making me feel like a spare wheel. They previously phoned/ saw each other and wouldn't bother phoning me.

Recently though my DB moved to America and has abandoned everyone one here and she is really hurt by it. I'm more philosopical about it as he has been distant towards me for years despite him being 2 yrs younger than me but 8 yrs older than her. It's sad to say that sometimes you never get the relationships that you want with siblings despite your best efforts.

YANBU to wish it were different but it's not always going to happen. sad for you.

HecatesTwopenceworth Sat 22-Aug-09 10:07:22

It's sad, but a relationship takes 2 people to make it work and if, for whatever reason, she isn't interested, there's not much you can do.

You could write to her, saying that you would like to spend some time together and build a closer friendship etc etc (non accusatory letter!) and see how she responds. - sometimes a letter, which people can read and re-read can work better than a conversation where it is easy to end up in a row!

But, at the end of the day, if she's just not interested, there's nothing you can do but accept it and get on with your life without her.

poshsinglemum Sat 22-Aug-09 10:19:45

I think that's the way it's going to be. I had some severe mental health issues in my early twenties and mum and dad reckon that she's wary because of that but as she is now a psychiatrist I would think that she could be a bit more understanding!
I think that we have fallen into the familial role of me being the ''sick'' one or the black sheep and her being the ''well'' one or golden child.
There is definately some resentment between us. I think that to my parent's face she seems like such a lovely girl which she can be for sure but she has said some spiteful things about family members behind their backs. I am much more upfront which rubs people's backs up somewhat.
She didn't go to my cousin's wedding because my cousin was nasty to her about twenty years ago. She tends to hold grudges.
She lives a long way from my parents and tbh I don't blame her but sometimes I think that she's a bit superior. Mabe it's for the best that we aren't friends.

poshsinglemum Sat 22-Aug-09 10:21:35

I must add that they were both about ten years old when my cousin was nasty to her! They are now both near 30.

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