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To think that health professionals should not call me MUM

(844 Posts)
Reallytired Fri 21-Aug-09 19:34:21

DD had her jabs today and the nurse kept on calling me "Mum" even though I said to her that I did not want her to call me "Mum". I told her that it was a biological impossiblity that I was her mother.

I have two children and I am happy for me to call me Mum, but I do have a proper name and I think health professionals should use it.

LIttleMissTickles Fri 21-Aug-09 19:35:48

Perhaps she was trying to put your daughter at ease? I think YAB a bit U.

motherbeyond Fri 21-Aug-09 19:39:39

oh,they all do that.don't be so touchy!..mind you,i m assuming it was like " now,mum, you hold her leg tightly..etc" rather than.."what did you have for tea last night mum?" " funny weather we're having isn't it mum?" that would be weird.

i know they can be a bit condescending,but am sure she was only trying to be nice smile

beckysharp Fri 21-Aug-09 19:39:46

YANBU. I hate it too. It is patronising and puts you in the position of a child/inferior. It is like doctors calling you by your first name while you call them "Dr X".

But I am very prim and proper!

MissisBoot Fri 21-Aug-09 19:39:57

I think YABABU - she was probably trying to concentrate on getting the jabs done as well as possible and the last thing for her to hink about is asking you what your name is!

ABetaDad Fri 21-Aug-09 19:42:17

No. It used to drive me mad when midwives/doctors used to call me Dad.

Behavioural psycholgists identify this as a classic way of establishing the midwife/doctor as the superior person in the room. You have to refer to them as Dr/Nurse Smith but they call you Mum so making you the supplicant or the non person.

piscesmoon Fri 21-Aug-09 19:42:49

I don't like it but I can see it is much easier from their point of view, when they see so many. On a scale of 1-10 it comes very low-not worth getting upset about.

mrsrawlinson Fri 21-Aug-09 19:44:25

Oh, you are absolutely NBU. This narks me no end. Teachers do it as well. Drives me up the flaming wall. I'd rather they didn't address me at all, frankly.

ilovemydogandmrobama Fri 21-Aug-09 19:48:39

It depends. If DS is admitted to Children's Hospital, then if a nurse refers to me as 'mum' I say, 'Oh, please call me ilovemydog...' (his Paediatrician and I are on first name terms)

If DS isn't admitted, I don't really care as I won't be there for long!

smallwhitecat Fri 21-Aug-09 19:50:16

Message withdrawn

pjmama Fri 21-Aug-09 19:52:42

Isn't that your name? It appears to be mine!

I think I had a different one once, a long time ago, but I can't remember what it was... grin

chichichien Fri 21-Aug-09 19:58:27

psychologists are known to be nutz. I have that on good authority. SO I wouldn't be nodding my head too sagely at anything they say

screamingabdab Fri 21-Aug-09 20:03:14

I can't get too het up about it myself. Although the fact she carried on after you'd asked her not to, suggest you'd got her back up !

Bellsa Fri 21-Aug-09 20:05:54

YANBU it really annoys me. Just really patronising.

MillyR Fri 21-Aug-09 20:35:13

YANBU.

I have been at the hospital with DH when he was unconscious and the nurses did not refer to me as wife, so the calling you mum because they haven't time to find out your name excuse is feeble. Also, if your child is having jabs, they have to establish who the adult taking them is anyway, so they should look up your name on the computer when they are checking the screen for the jab details.

In front of my children, my parents, other people's children and my Dh all call me MillyR, and it has never made my children feel uncomfortable or ill at ease. So the putting your child at ease excuse is also feeble.

The nurse was just being patronising. There have been threads about this before, so you are not alone in this experience!

SorryDoIKnowYou Fri 21-Aug-09 20:42:13

I've been on similar threads before and tend to reckon it's not a big deal.

However in a restaurant earlier with DH, 3 small DC and in-laws I was helping DS and in order to get my attention to ask if I wanted dessert/coffee the waitress called me "Mum?".

Now that's taking it a step too far...

IdontMN2makecopyforlazyjournos Fri 21-Aug-09 20:42:43

Isn't it just that they don't dare make any assumptions that if your child is called say John Smith, that you are Mrs Smith (or Miss or Ms Smith) and so they don't call you anything at all?

Reallytired Fri 21-Aug-09 20:43:05

I just felt livid that she carried on calling mum when I asked her not to. I felt she was ill mannered.

It did nothing to make me or my daughter feel at ease.

Ponders Fri 21-Aug-09 20:44:08

Would "madam" have been better? grin

Ponders Fri 21-Aug-09 20:44:56

oops, that was to Sorry, sorry blush (fast moving thread!)

Ponders Fri 21-Aug-09 20:45:06

oops, that was to Sorry, sorry blush (fast moving thread!)

SorryDoIKnowYou Fri 21-Aug-09 20:45:25

Just paid attention and realised she carried on doing it after you asked her not to. Now in that case you are definitely not BU.

SorryDoIKnowYou Fri 21-Aug-09 20:46:37

Ponders, I thought a helpless, beseeching look at another adult at the table who would then nudge me was the way to go. grin

MillyR Fri 21-Aug-09 20:46:48

They don't need to make any assumptions. The mother's name will be on the computer system which they have to look at to check the child's vaccination record. And it preferable to just not call you anything at all.

Ponders Fri 21-Aug-09 20:47:35

When I was an in-patient once I had a pre-admission appt with some nurse or other, in which I was asked specifically how I wanted to be addressed, & I said Mrs Ponders, please.

Did they take any notice? Did they hell. It was first name (& full name, as written on records, not name I'm actually known by; so what was the point of even asking?) all day every day. grrr.

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