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Am I the meanest mummy ever?

(45 Posts)
memoo Fri 21-Aug-09 17:37:23

Both DC get the same amount of pocket money. DD usually spends hers but DS has been saving for months and managed to save £30. DD had just £8 saved.

They both wanted to spend it at build-a-bear so took them this afternoon. DS bought 2 new bears and outfits, DD only had enough for an outfit for the bear she already has at home.

Both DC were very happy.

Went to clarks after to get school shoes and bumped into a another mum from school. We were chatting before being served and she asked the DC about what they had bought in build-a-bear. I explain that DS had more as he had saved up his pocket money all these months.

She started saying "aww poor DD"! and asking why i hadn't given her some more money so she had the same as DS. explained again about DD alreading spending her pocket and DS saving up.

She went on about how she could never do that to her DC and how she would feel really guilty if she did. She also told me that whenever one of her DC had birthday money to spend she would give the same amount to her other children so that they didn't feel left out.

TBH I think she is being bloody daft, or am i just the meanest mummy ever?

nappyaddict Fri 21-Aug-09 17:38:50

No that woman is stupid!

FromGirders Fri 21-Aug-09 17:39:43

She is being daft, and leading her children to expect handouts. You are rewarding saving, and building the expectation that if your children want something, they have to sace for it.
Giving your DD extra would have been unfair to your ds.
You are very right.

dizzymare Fri 21-Aug-09 17:39:43

The other mum sounds nutsshock How is that teaching yout children the value of money!

Nope, you did what I would have done. Good on you for sticking to it!

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 21-Aug-09 17:39:45

Oh God, not at all.

This other mother is a complete loon and is doing her children no favours at all.

What you are doing is absolutely right.

What did you say to her?

littlenamelessunrememberedacts Fri 21-Aug-09 17:39:48

no, she's a loon

ilovesprouts Fri 21-Aug-09 17:41:41

yes she daft wen its my dcs birthday only the birthday child gets money etc !! and no you are not mean

piscesmoon Fri 21-Aug-09 17:41:49

She is not helping her DCs in the least-ignore her.

Meglet Fri 21-Aug-09 17:41:59


Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 21-Aug-09 17:42:44

No she is being daft.

My SIL has 2 daughters, and she always get a present for the one who's birthday it isn't so that they don't feel left out.

I think it's ridiculous, it's important for kids to learn that they can't have new things, gifts and whatever all the time.

GrimmaTheNome Fri 21-Aug-09 17:42:58


I just hope this silly woman didn't make your DD discontented with the perfectly fair situation. It would have been very unfair on your thriftier DS to have doled out extra money to her.

'Poor DD' was only poor because she hadn't saved anything. Her choice.

MegSophandEmma Fri 21-Aug-09 17:43:50

The other woman's crazy. Imagine how your ds would have felt if his hard savings had been in vain, when his sister ended up with the same as him anyway. YANBU

screamingabdab Fri 21-Aug-09 17:44:17

YANBU, and you know it grin

PixiNanny Fri 21-Aug-09 17:45:58

hmm I'm glad that my Mum never did that to me and my sisters as kids tbh! Yeah now we've all left home we borrow money and she conviniently forgets how much she's lent us, but we still have to pay her back something even if £20 or so has been knocked off of the original amount! grin Made me learn that money should not be taken for granted!

positiveattitudeonly Fri 21-Aug-09 17:45:58

Totally agree with you. I would also like to congratulate you on the fact that your DD was happy with what she had bought and acted very maturely to understand that she had money for that, and had spent the rest. Well done all round!! grin

ElieRM Fri 21-Aug-09 17:48:00

YANBU- your DS chose to save his money, your DD chose to spend hers. Therefore your DS came away from build-a-bear with more. This is how money works; IMHO teaching your children the value of money is an excellent thing to do. Had you given your DD more, both your DCs would've come away with the idea that saving is pointless.
As for your friend, she shouldn't have gone spouting off about the fact she would've given her DCs the extra money when it was obvious your DCs were perfectly content, especially in your DDs earshot because that's liable to cause trouble.
You're a sensible mummy, not a mean one!

CharCharGabor Fri 21-Aug-09 17:48:07

YANBU, she is barmy!

gypsymoon Fri 21-Aug-09 17:51:30

YANBU- your DCs were happy. Sounds like they're as sensible as their mum...

Egg Fri 21-Aug-09 17:53:46

The other woman is crazy. Not exactly encouraging good habits in her children. The fact that your DD was perfectly happy shows you are doing it the right way!

welshone51 Fri 21-Aug-09 17:54:26

You are fine quite worrying!!! wink
My friend was given just enough dinner money at the beginning of the week for the week and if she overspent it then tough she wasnt given any more- this was from the age of 12 and she turned out absolutely fine as this instilled good values into her.
On the other hand my parents used to buy me presents on my brothers birthday and vice-versa and I live in my overdraft!! grin
You are teaching your children freedom of choice, independence and the value of saving you have nothing to worry about!

WishingBelle Fri 21-Aug-09 17:57:49

YANBU - what a freak she is - I take it her dcs are spoilt brats? grin

memoo Fri 21-Aug-09 17:58:59

Thanks everyone. I didn't really know what to say to her tbh. I told her how I really wanted my DC to learn about saving up their money.

They are 8 and 10 so they are old enough to understand, and when they have saved up and bought something they are both always really proud of themselves and really appreciate what they have bought.

She just kept saying stuff like "god, i just don't know how you can do it though"

littleboyblue Fri 21-Aug-09 18:12:46

YANBU. Your friend sounds a bit crazy grin
You're right, our dc's need to learn the value of money.
I'd do the same as you.
I also think it was quite rude of her to make those comments, but that's a different issue

blondissimo Fri 21-Aug-09 18:13:06

I would have just replied "don't know how you can do it love!" grin

blondissimo Fri 21-Aug-09 18:14:29

Totally agree with littleboyblue - I can't stand people commenting on my parenting skills - very rude and patronising IMO.

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