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To be annoyed at my Mother?

(14 Posts)
Rossco Thu 20-Aug-09 15:55:18

My Mum has a bit of a thing about making any event more about her. My wedding day revolved around what she wanted, what she was wearing etc.

Today she phoned to tell me she has invited her friend to my graduation dinner hmm. I know the friend only vaguely and have only met her a few times, DH doesn't know her at all.

This friend offered to drive my mum to the venue so mum said to her that she should hang about and then come for dinner with us afterwards.

When mum told me this I was a bit stunned, I mean its not like she had the idea then came to me to ask if it would be ok to ask this woman, she just did it.

I asked mum if she was joking and she said no. I asked her whose graduation this is and there was silence. Mum said she thought I wouldn't mind! I told her that if it was a friend I had known all my life and that knew me then it would be different but this is a woman I don't know.

There will be Mum, DH and I for dinner and now this woman too. I could say no (I've told her to give me time to think) but then I'll be bad guy, Mums solution was to make other arrangements for the friend while we eat! I have visions of the woman sitting in the car outside the restaurant with us waving out at her!

I can't believe Mum invited this person. I know its not the ceremony but I've worked hard to get to this point and want to enjoy the day with my close family. I don't want to sit at dinner trying to make small talk with the friend or worse have the pair of them cackling at the end of the table as if neither DH nor I are there.

cocolepew Thu 20-Aug-09 15:57:16

If you don't want it tell your mum no. Congratulations btw smile

NigellaTufnel Thu 20-Aug-09 15:59:57

Oooh this is just like the Archers!

OrmIrian Thu 20-Aug-09 16:22:45

I was thinking that too nigella!

NigellaTufnel Thu 20-Aug-09 16:25:30

Well the message from the Archers is ' Stand Firm!' It's your day, and don't let anyone bulldoze you into doing anything you don't want to do.

(I agree with the poster who thinks the new Mrs Tucker is a bigamist - sorry for the Hijack)

Stigaloid Thu 20-Aug-09 16:28:32

How nice of your mother's friend to offer to drive her to the venue. If you don't want her there pay for the transportation for your mother yourself and tell her it is only family you want.

Rossco Thu 20-Aug-09 16:31:17

I must look up the Archers on iPlayer lol.

I have just found out my aunt was going to travel up on the train to attend my graduation but won't come if the friend is any part of the day.

To explain, Mum, Aunt & Uncle came here on holiday and rented a cottage near to where I live. The day they arrived Mum announced her friend was coming for a couple of nights! My aunt was livid. This same friend is flying to Canada with Mum, Aunt & Uncle because she happens to have family in the same city.

All very weird. I have to say no but first have to prepare myself for being told I am unreasonable by my mother.

Thanks for the Congratulations. I got my BA with no resits in 3 years <insert smug emoticon>. Was bloody hard going though!

Rossco Thu 20-Aug-09 16:33:52

Stigaloid, that was the original plan.

babyignoramus Thu 20-Aug-09 16:56:30

If there was a big group I'd say you ABU - but just the three of you and then a stranger? Surely she'll feel awkward too. Tell your mum no way, and you'll arrange her transport.

questioneverything Thu 20-Aug-09 17:01:27

From what I can see is that your mother feels that she needs back-up in big social occasions.

Let me tell you this, at one time I had such a bad reltionship with my mother that I refused to go to my own graduation to spite her.

20 years on I feel like a prize chump, no photos to show my kids..nothing.

Let her have her company if it makes her feel better, you can't control everything, dont suffer from a dose of what I had. Relax and enjoy your day.

OtterInaSkoda Thu 20-Aug-09 17:38:21

I'm not actually sure that I should post this but if this was on the Archers then my experience of plot development would lead me to ask......

Could your mum's friend be, like, a "special" friend?

(sorry if this is totally out of order - probably spent too many years following soaps...)

OtterInaSkoda Thu 20-Aug-09 17:39:31

Sorry - I was just thinking that maybe this is the reason why your aunt has such a problem with her.

christiana Thu 20-Aug-09 17:41:28

Message withdrawn

Rossco Thu 20-Aug-09 19:09:14

No, not a 'special' friend. Mum has a boyfriend grin.

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