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AIBU to be annoyed my parents have completely undermined me and DH with our children

(8 Posts)
3andahalfmonkeys Wed 19-Aug-09 21:52:44

My DS1, DS2 and DSS have fallen into the habit of reffering to their genitals as 'Goolies' or 'Winky'. It's nothing that particularly bothers either me or DH, recently DH told DS1 to 'mind his goolies' when they were play fighting, my mum got very angry and said it was wrong to call them that and they must be reffered to as 'private parts'. It's not the first time she has said this and DH and I have discussed it before and both decided it's not an offensive term and we can't think of an alternative we both fnid acceptable, DH told my mother in no uncertain terms we have no problems with the word 'Goolies' or 'Winky' so we will continue to use it.

The children went to visit yesterday and came home today, we were grateful for them seeing my parents but when they came back DS1 who is 4 had a tremendous outburst and declared that 'daddy is very naughty and Grandad said he must never, ever say goolies ever again' all evening DS1 has screamed at his dad that he is naughty every time DH has tried to discipline him or even talk to him.

I can't actually imagine my dad saying this but I can imagine my mum saying it. I really want to have it out wit them but I am worried we may be in the wrong, DH would have no problems having it out with them as he doesn't mince his words but that might cause a complete breakdown between us all.


(Sorry for long post)

Rollergirl1 Wed 19-Aug-09 21:58:57

You are totally not BU. You are the parents and the buck stops with you. I would be absolutely appalled if my parents or PIL undermined me in this way.

There are different generations at play here and it's unrealistic to expect everyone to have the same opinions and ideals but the bottom line is that you are the parents and you are the ones that decide what is acceptable. I suggest that you have a word with your Mum and politely explain that when they undermine you like that all it succeeds in doing is making DC think it okay to flout your rules.

moomaa Wed 19-Aug-09 22:04:09

I think you need to tell DS1 that there are different rules in different houses and to stop being so rude to his father!

If your parents find it offensive it probably doesn't hurt to accomodate them. We say 'bum' in our house but have been trying to train my kids to say bottom at Nanny and Grandad's house!

3andahalfmonkeys Wed 19-Aug-09 22:11:23

We've tried to explain to him that we are his parents and we make the rules and he just turned round and said Nanna and Grandad were his parents. lol

I think I will give it a few days and have a word.

mrsboogie Wed 19-Aug-09 22:11:46

You are the parents - your rules, you decide what goes. It is none of their business unless the children were using out and out offensive terminology. Tell them to butt out.

landrover Thu 20-Aug-09 11:42:56


AMumInScotland Thu 20-Aug-09 11:51:43

There's nothing at all wrong in your boys using those terms, and your parents should not undermine your parenting. If they had said "I don't like those words, please don't use them" then that would be ok - they're entitled to have their own rules there.

But it's not ok for them to have said this so fiercely that your DS1 has been so upset by it that he's now acting up and completely unsettled.

Are there other issues as well? You say if DH has it out with them about this then the relationship will break down - I wouldn't want to suggest anyone do that, but you (and DH) can't spend your time pussyfooting around them if they act this way.

Stigaloid Thu 20-Aug-09 11:53:32

YANBU - i'd be livid

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