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To be p****d off with MIL ???!!!

(30 Posts)
cjones2979 Wed 19-Aug-09 21:36:30

I am turning 30 in 2 weeks time and had asked various family members if they would like to come out for a meal to celebrate. I asked everyone about 2 months ago.

I called round the family last week to tell them where I wanted to book, and as the restaurant wants a £5 deposit per person, asked them to let me know for definite if they were coming.

I saw MIL at SIL's house on saturday, told her I was booking this week & that I had to pay deposits and she confirmed that her and her DP were coming. She has said this right from the start.

I called her again today (as I wanted to call the restaurant to book), for her to tell me that she's not sure if they can come now because she is skint!!! I was so angry and actually quite upset (i burst into tears when I got the phone !!!) because I gave everyone plenty of notice of my plans to give people enough time to get the money together (it's only TGI's FFS, not The Ritz!). She has just paid out an absolute fortune kitting out her house in new furniture & decor etc and I know she still has a few quid put away.

Do you think I am BU for being upset that she has now decided she might not be able to come bearing in mind she has known about it for weeks ??

cjones2979 Wed 19-Aug-09 21:37:27

Got OFF the phone that was meant to say !!

Disenchanted3 Wed 19-Aug-09 21:37:54

I'd be elated if my MIL couldn't make my birthday meal grin

paisleyleaf Wed 19-Aug-09 21:38:15

Has she let you know before you paid the deposit?

cornsillk Wed 19-Aug-09 21:39:54

Oh dear - bit thoughtless of MIL but she may be actually skint. You'll have a great time anyway I'm sure.

cornsillk Wed 19-Aug-09 21:40:30

snurk at Disenchanted!

screamingskull Wed 19-Aug-09 21:44:26

maybe she has just looked at her finances and realised they can't afford it. TGI's may not be that dear but once you add onbar bill's etc it all mounts up.

agree with disenchanted3 though smile

cjones2979 Wed 19-Aug-09 21:44:33

TBH I couldn't give a toss if she's there or not, it's just the fact that she has known about it for so long, yet spent all this money on new furniture, and is now apparently skint. Plus the fact I had to call her to find this out - she didn't bother to call me herself !!!

She did let me know before I paid the deposit, but only cos I called her !!

paisleyleaf Wed 19-Aug-09 21:47:13

I think you can be annoyed with her for not letting you know, when you might have paid the deposit.
But you can't be annoyed with her for buying furniture.

cjones2979 Wed 19-Aug-09 21:47:42

She's not as skint as she is making out. Her & her DP still work full time, plus she has told me in the past that she has quite a substantial amount in savings.

She can afford 40 fags a day & god knows how much booze though !!

cjones2979 Wed 19-Aug-09 21:50:56

Its not the fact she has bought furniture that annoys me, its the fact she has known about this meal for 2 months and has always said she is coming, yet has bought this furniture since I made my birthday plans and left it for me to call her today to tell me that she can't come.

She would never speak to me or DH again if we said we couldn't afford to go out for her birthday......and we really ARE skint !!

cjones2979 Wed 19-Aug-09 21:52:55

Also, I haven't been able to book yet because she has only said she might not be able to come. She was supposed to let me know tonight but hasn't bothered !

prettyfly1 Wed 19-Aug-09 21:59:33

cjones - just book it. Tell her its tough if she cant make it - miss her off the list.

thirtypence Wed 19-Aug-09 22:01:46

Book it - you needed to know today.

cjones2979 Wed 19-Aug-09 22:06:01

Think I will. Thanks for that !!!

Thing is I know what shes like, so she'll probably have the right hump if I do !!!

Firawla Wed 19-Aug-09 22:08:55

atleast you found out before you paid the deposit, just book it without her now as she said she is too skint to come, if she changes her mind again later then tough luck

cjones2979 Wed 19-Aug-09 22:32:55

Thanks everyone.

landrover Thu 20-Aug-09 12:13:52

let us know

Stigaloid Thu 20-Aug-09 12:18:29

happy birthday but YABU - she may have overspent and now money may be an issue. If she can't make it, enjoy it with the people who can. Get fabulously sloshed on cocktails and shimmy on the dancefloor.

30's are a great decade! Have a wonderful evening.

cjones2979 Thu 20-Aug-09 15:19:13

I will landrover

Thanks Stigaloid

Spoke to DH about it last night & he said if she doesn't bother to call us today, then to go ahead & book it tomorrow, then it's her tough luck. I will let you know.

cjones2979 Thu 20-Aug-09 15:26:44

A bit of extra info for those of you who think I may be being a bit U.......

.......MIL's mums birthday is the same day as mine. She will be 86. She lives quite far away but MIL was hoping to get her over on the sunday of the bank holiday weekend so that we could have a bit of a celebration for her.

She will be paying our local pub to do the catering for her (although there will only be a few of us, but she doesn't do anything like this herself, never has, would rather pay someone to do it for her!!). They charge extortionate prices for very little food and the whole family have offered to help out if she wanted to cancel them to save money. She turned us down as doesn't want the "aggro". She is also planning to pay out £80 for a bouncy castle (company owned by a friend of hers), even though we don't know what the weather forecast is going to be AND there will only be 3 kids that can use it (one of whom is my eldest who is Autistic & would rather spend time throwing things over the back of it than bouncing on it !! lol).

Her mum has not been very well recently so its now unlikely that she will even come, but MIL has decided to go ahead with these plans even if she doesn't and still spend out all this money unnecessarily. As the caterer and bouncy castle owner are friends, there would be no problem cancelling either.

Yet she says she is skint !!!!!!!!!!!

Do you still think I am BU ???

Stigaloid Thu 20-Aug-09 16:24:35

Yes - let her spend her money on her party if she wants to. If your dinner is going to send her over the top then don't make it awkward. Or at 86 she may simply not want to go to a 30's birthday party. Don't be offended - enjoy the company you do have rather than the company you don't.

cjones2979 Thu 20-Aug-09 19:17:47

It's not my MIL thats 86, it's her mum.

My MIL is arranging a get together for her mums birthday although it's unlikely her mum will be able to even come to as she's not well at the moment.

cjones2979 Thu 20-Aug-09 19:19:31

AND she has arranged this family get together for her mum since I organised my meal out for my birthday!!

malung Thu 20-Aug-09 21:05:57

Count your blessings. I would be delirious with joy if my MIL couldn't come. Get your own back in your own time wink

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