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To not really want an unknown childminder at a day out with friends?

(164 Posts)
whippet Wed 19-Aug-09 12:14:55

A small group of mums from school agreed to go out for a day together over summer to the beach. We all get on really well, have known each other for ages etc etc.

My friend who organised it e-mailed everyone the details and one of the mums has replied aying, "I can't make it, but I'm sending DD with her childminder"

I'm a bit hmm about this.

- none of us know/ have met the childminder so it's going to make the day a bit awkward with a 'new person' in amongst a bunch of friends IYSWIM
- this wasn't meant just as a kids day out - it was a chance for us to meet/ chat/ have a laugh etc
- the 'DD' in question is a bit of a madam - bossy etc. I don't know how well the CM manages her behaviour.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed?

StinkyFart Wed 19-Aug-09 12:16:07


CMOTdibbler Wed 19-Aug-09 12:19:54

YABU if it is a group from school meeting in the day, it's for the children to meet up. If it's for the mums, then meet in the evening

Maveta Wed 19-Aug-09 12:20:09

YABU and it makes you and your friends sound like one of those lovely closed off groups that doesn't want to let anyone new in.

Don't worry, I'm sure she won't be the slightest bit interested in your gossip. She isn't there to take the place of your friend or become your friend, she will presumably be working and looking after the little girl, and will have her hands full by the sounds of it.

gorionine Wed 19-Aug-09 12:20:12

YABVU and precious. If she is the girl childminder she probably knows very well how to handle her or the mum would have changed CM + she might very well be a fantastic person to chat with!

Lakota Wed 19-Aug-09 12:21:39

I think that's a bit mean, to be honest. Would you be so unfriendly if someone brought their 'unknown' sister along as well? Or a friend who was staying with them? I think it might be different if it was a lunch at your house, for example, but an outing to the beach is hardly going to be spoiled by one new person there. She might be lovely - make her welcome.

swallowedAfly Wed 19-Aug-09 12:23:42

Message withdrawn

PeedOffWithNits Wed 19-Aug-09 12:24:08

I hope you have arranged for the beach to be sectioned off for the exclusive use of your party, heaven forbid that any of your kids should play with any random strangers kids, on the beach, for fun....hmm

minouminou Wed 19-Aug-09 12:24:11

Wow! It looks like the mum in question has got something on, and doesn't want to stop her daughter missing out on this event, so she's doing the right thing.
The CM will probably be a sound enough person, so make sure she leaves the gathering known, instead of unknown.

courtneylovescox Wed 19-Aug-09 12:25:18

agree with swallowedafly (nice name)

swallowedAfly Wed 19-Aug-09 12:25:53

Message withdrawn

swallowedAfly Wed 19-Aug-09 12:26:25

Message withdrawn

OrmIrian Wed 19-Aug-09 12:27:01

Well as an alternative why don't you offer to take her DD with you and then the CM can stay at home.

dailymailIsPerfectAsaPoopScoop Wed 19-Aug-09 12:28:02

think of the poor childminder turning up to a bunch of women for the day, not knowing anyone. give her a chance.

TalkIsCheap Wed 19-Aug-09 12:30:36

perhaps the child, a 'madam' no less, would benefit from more experience of playing in a group

whippet Wed 19-Aug-09 12:31:00

"if it is a group from school meeting in the day, it's for the children to meet up"

No - it's a group of friends meeting up, and since it's in the school holidays the kids are coming too...

We invited the Mum, not her childminder, whom none of us have ever met.
And this isn't a quick trip to the park - it's going to be the best part of a whole day, which can be a long time if you're making small talk with a stranger.
FWIW, her 'childminder' is a 20 year-old Polish girl (au pair in fact) who speaks very little English, and doesn't drive, so someone will have to give her a lift and struggle to communicate for 50 mins each way.

I know it sounds like we're being unwelcoming, but some of us work full-time and have taken a day's holiday for this day trip - it's our day out too. Now it feels like we'll have to 'take care' of a couple of extra 'children' - the girl and the au pair!

I was also a bit taken aback by the tone of the Mum's e-mail... not, "would it be OK if DD came with her childminder?" but "I will be sending DD with her childminder"

FFS - it's not a school trip!

Perhaps we should charge them grin

TalkIsCheap Wed 19-Aug-09 12:32:23

Au pair or CM?

Oh, and I really don't like children being labelled, can you tell?

TalkIsCheap Wed 19-Aug-09 12:33:17

Oh no, AIBU with stealth reveals, v annoying

I'm off

whippet Wed 19-Aug-09 12:34:04

OK - lots more posts - yes, SwallowedAFLy, I think you understand why I feel a bit hmm

whippet Wed 19-Aug-09 12:36:53

The Mum (wrongly) calls her a CM, but she is a summer Au Pair. Here today, gone tomorrow.

Will probably sit on the beach being bored and texting her boyfriend. (We've had 2 Au Pairs, so I know this stuff, before I get jumped on!)

Yes, if it was nice CM lady from around the corner who we might bump into at school and have a chat with, then yes, I'd probably feel it was OK. As it is, it feels as if the other Mum is takiong the p*ss.

KeepPassingTheOpenWindows Wed 19-Aug-09 12:37:17

I'm feeling very sorry for the au pair! hmm Presumably she must speak sufficient English to look after the dd. She might be lovely. It's horrible that you're judging her so harshly and sounds really snobbish - sorry.

superduperminder Wed 19-Aug-09 12:37:36


She is probably quite nervous at the prospect of having to spend her time with a whole group of people she doesn't know.
Why not try and be a bit more welcoming?!

So you don't get many days off - you make it sound like she is going to ruin the whole day!!!!

gorionine Wed 19-Aug-09 12:37:43

I really feel for that Polish girl, she has been judged and quartered before being given a chance at all! Yes, it might be a bit inconvenient for you but surely you could make a little effort.

As for her English, if she is dealing with people like you on a daily basis, it is very unlikely to improve!

RoobeeToozdae Wed 19-Aug-09 12:38:01

your generousity of spirit overwhelms me.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark Wed 19-Aug-09 12:39:25

YABVU - it's people like you who make the playground such a threatening place for newcomers.

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