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to be offended that dh fell asleep before bd...

(21 Posts)
simbaMummy Wed 19-Aug-09 11:20:12

...ttc with dc2, this is the'bd week' for this month, first few attempts felt boring and functional, and we both got the giggles (the whole thing felt so absurd as sex doesn't seem to be a priority in our household anymore) sad Then last night I thought I'd make an effort, had bath, primped and preened, even trimmed me bush!! Got into bed to wait, lights dimmed, hair artfully arranged on pillow...and waited. Waited for ages so assumed he'd gone for a shower (aaw - how thoughtful)and then finally went to go and find him and he was fast asleep on the sofa!!! angry Needless to say the sex wasn't great. He wasn't even appologetic. I hate having to feel like I need to nag him to ttc, it's humiliating!

LetThemEatCake Wed 19-Aug-09 16:12:20

NVR to be offended ... the whole ttc thing can be, as you say, quite boring and functional.

Falling asleep during sex - now, that would be different.

simbaMummy Wed 19-Aug-09 19:11:46

you're right LTEC, just being over sensitive as usual smile

landrover Thu 20-Aug-09 12:43:17


hambler Fri 21-Aug-09 02:25:36

oh Simba, what a wee shame.

sandcastles Fri 21-Aug-09 03:27:54

Sex for the purpose of TTC is functional & can be boring, as you both know you are doing it primarily to concieve & it can be hard to be 'needed' as apposed to wanted, if that makes sense?

With TTC#2 I wouldn't tell dh when we were doing it to concieve, I would just initiate it. He never knew & it made it less functional for us.

Oh & next time, after all that effort, just jump him on the sofa, sex doesn't always have to be about the bed wink

Good Luck!

sandcastles Fri 21-Aug-09 03:31:33

And I don't think you are being over sensitive, TTC is very hard emotionally! Just be kind to yourself!

Don't tell dh when you need to have sex, thus taking the pressure off, dh said it was harder to get motivated sometimes when he knew he 'had' to.

Pursumably (sp) he knows you are TTCing, so just surprise him every now & then with no mention of babies. That way you will both enjoy it more!

And don't forget to have lots of sex when you are not in your best week.

simbaMummy Fri 21-Aug-09 11:03:44

Thanks Sandcasles, advice taken! grin

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 21-Aug-09 11:13:59

YABU to use the term BD.

WidowWadman Fri 21-Aug-09 11:26:23

I would refuse to sleep with anyone who calls sex "BD". Could there be a bigger turn off ever?

sandcastles Fri 21-Aug-09 13:13:28

Ohh lighten up girls, some people don't like to type sex or shagging! I am sure she doesn't say to her dp "let's baby dance tonight" wink

itsmeolord Fri 21-Aug-09 13:19:00

fucking well hope not sandcastles. It could result in divorce.

Iklboo Fri 21-Aug-09 13:19:59

oh THAT'S what 'bd' is - I was thinking 'big date' or something (or bottom doings but that's not conducive to TTC blush)

BunnyLebowski Fri 21-Aug-09 13:20:52

I've never known what "BD" stood for? Baby Dance?

Are you fucking kidding me?

ThePregnantPhantomPlopper Fri 21-Aug-09 13:56:25

ROFL at bottom doings grin

It did take me a while to figure out the title.

applestrudel Fri 21-Aug-09 14:00:34

I thought it meant 'bed' and u was bein all cool wid ur txt spk

MmeLindt Fri 21-Aug-09 14:00:37

LOL at Bottom Doings. I don't like the term BD either.

Why don't you take the pressure off, have sex when you want to and not try to aim for particular days. Then jump him on the sofa instead of getting yourself "ready" for him.

GibbonInARibbon Fri 21-Aug-09 14:01:32

lmfao apple

ABetaDad Fri 21-Aug-09 14:32:31

simba - not YANBU or YABU this is too important and personal. My experience of TTC and then IVF for 5 years was of feeling like I was being treated like a stud animal. Only there to produce sperm on the right day at the right hour. After 5 years I dreaded it but then conception just happened when we had more or less given up and were just doing it for fun and love.

There is a general misconception that men just want and are ready for sex all the time regardless. While random men out on a Friday/Saturday night may fall into that category, I would say men in monogmous relationships tend to need to feel 'wanted' and 'desired' before sex and then after sex they feel 'loved' and 'in love'.

TTC is just a process and the reality was that there is very little in the way of feeling 'desired' or 'wanted' from my point of view. The only thing that matters is to make sure there is ejaculation. I should say DW was very supportive throughout but was also inevitably anxious and that anxiety transferred to me.

Maybe your DH fell asleep by accident and was tired when he was woken and maybe he just really felt he 'had' to do it and that really killed the enjoyment for him.

Best advice I have is have plenty of sex throughout the month and yes as * MmeLindt* says do ring the changes and not always in bed at 10.100 a.m. Also do talk to DH and reassure him that when you do really still love him and desire him and it is not just TTC every time you have sex.

I hate that BD term as well. I now that everyone on here laughs at the phrase 'making love' but actually that is really the best description of how DH wants it to be as well as just being 'fun' of course.

Good luck and hope this was just a hiccup.

ABetaDad Fri 21-Aug-09 14:36:57

That is 10.00 pm. blush

simbaMummy Fri 21-Aug-09 17:10:28

Thanks everyone, was being ironic with the term 'baby dance'... had read it so many times on mn, had to look up what it meant, think it's hysterical. This is all good to know, I guess I always imagined ttc would be amazingly romantic.
AbetaDad, thank you so much, it's great to have a man's point of view.
I think I'm just insecure about sex because we're so out of practise. I also now feel I was being unreasonable, so case closed I suppose smile

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