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To be secretly pleased that my vile step-sister didn't have the birth of her dreams

(171 Posts)
wasabipeas Tue 18-Aug-09 15:36:36

Before you shoot me down in flames, a bit of background...
Long after I left home, my dad got together with a slightly odd woman. I've probably only met her 20 times in my life and she has made it very clear from the outset that in marrying my dad, she was not taking on any extra family. Her daughters are also sligtly odd, and I think quite resentful towards me and my brothers, but step mother has done nothing to try and stop this or integrate the families

Her oldest daughter quite strange. If you've done something, she has done it better, before you and 10 times better. The most stupid things - we went on holiday and got upgraded to a deluxe room, oh, she got upgraded to the penthouse suite. We bought a new car with a 1.6 engine, oh she is just about to buy the same one, but with the 2.0
The list goes on and on...

I've mostly been able to ignore it, but she got pregnant last year and on the few occasions when I've been to see the folks and she's been there, there has been one snide dig after another.
Step mother has cats, DD (and I) are allergice, so she gets a bit snuffley.
So she pats her bump and says to her unborn child "you won't have allergies, because I'm going to breastfeed you for the proper amount of time" (I stopped at 6 months so I could go back to work)
And later on "you'll have a proper birth because I'm not too posh to push" (I had c-section). And "it is such a shame that old people can't get proper care in their old age because hospitals are clogged up with selfish women who can't even be bothered to trust their bodies and demand the easy option".

Anyway, to get to the point, she was planning a home birth. After 4 hours with the midwife at home, she decided she couldn't cope with the pain and had to go to hospital.
Another 4 hours, and she had a full-on panic attack and had to have a c-section after the nurses couldn't calm her down.

I know I really shouldn't but I can't help but feeling a little bit smug that the stupid cow must now realise that life doesn't always go your own way and she might have to eat humble pie when she next sees us
AIBU?

Greensleeves Tue 18-Aug-09 15:39:17

No, you shouldn't

I understand your intense dislike of her - she sounds like a prize cow - but I wouldn't wish a horrific birth on ANYONE

I felt like I had been hit by a train after I'd had ds1 (horror story too long to post)

the thought that somebody was PLEASED would have finished me off

be the bigger person and have some compassion!

Runoutofideas Tue 18-Aug-09 15:39:31

Y Probably ABU - but think I'd feel exactly the same. Now she's got a baby though she'll probably become even more competetive. Poor child.....

Runoutofideas Tue 18-Aug-09 15:40:35

"Competitive" - sorry

HeadFairy Tue 18-Aug-09 15:41:08

I'm sure there'll be lots on here saying you shouldn't but I'd be having a little smug grin to myself if I were you too Wasabs

TheBolter Tue 18-Aug-09 15:41:28

YABU... but understandably so!

Try not to rub her face in though. Be the bigger person - or try to be for the first hour or so anyway!

wasabipeas Tue 18-Aug-09 15:42:07

Greensleeves, it isn't that I wish it on her (and I don't think it was that bad, her facebook status yesterday alludes to her wanting sex)
But I just can't help feeling smug that after being so feckin holier than though about how perfect she was and how much of a failure I was, she has realised that like ain't like that
I am almost excited about our next meeting
I know I am a bad person

OrmIrian Tue 18-Aug-09 15:42:08

Yes YABU. Cow or not are you really pleased that she suffered just so you could feel validated?

RoseBlossoms Tue 18-Aug-09 15:42:08

YABU, but i would most likely feel the same way! You do know that she will not eat humble pie and in her case it was LIFE threatening.

I have a ex-SIL who is v.similar thank goodness i dont have to see her anymore. The smug faced cow bag.

wilkos Tue 18-Aug-09 15:43:29

she sounds VILE. but i hope you're comforted by the fact that she clearly has massive insecurities about things in her life to warrant being sniffy about yours!

ya being a tiny bit u, but I can see why.

make sure you get a catty comment in of your own when you go and see the baby tho grin

Greensleeves Tue 18-Aug-09 15:45:16

I understand why you feel like that

and you're not a "bad person"

I just remember ds1's birth and couldn't be secretly pleased if anyone had gone through it, not even my worst enemy

Greensleeves Tue 18-Aug-09 15:45:35

sorry if I sound holier-than-thou

HeadFairy Tue 18-Aug-09 15:46:44

FWIW my sister was a little bit like this, she used to boast that her children would spend their days doing crafts and playing sweetly outside with each other... fast forward a few years and her two dds are the same as every other child in the country, they watch tv, they fight, they make a mess, they whinge, they're normal children and not Stepford children, which is what I think she thought she'd have. I do grin every time I think of her telling me her children would call her mama (er more like muuuuuuuuuuum!!!!!!!!)

morningpaper Tue 18-Aug-09 15:48:30

God the poor woman, it sounds horrible

Sometimes you need to have bad dark thoughts but not commit them to public knowledge

YABVU

Comewhinewithme Tue 18-Aug-09 15:48:41

I still feel sick when I think about dd's birth so yes YABU .

Schulte Tue 18-Aug-09 15:49:08

I'd be smug too wink but obviously keep quiet about it.

ErikaMaye Tue 18-Aug-09 15:54:01

YABVVVVU - poor woman, must have been very difficult for her - but I'd be feeling exactly the same. Maybe this will be the big dose of reality she needs. I'd dread to think of what her competative nature would do to her child if she was honestly making such nasty comments to you

EyeballsintheSky Tue 18-Aug-09 15:56:38

I think I would be supportive and caring on the outside but I'd have to go into the next room on my own for two seconds and make a face at her behind the wall, IYSWIM. Just hope that it changes her a bit and she stops being such an arse.

wasabipeas Tue 18-Aug-09 15:57:33

oh schulte, I'm not going to go shouting from the rooftops at a family christmas
But I just wanted to check I wasn't the only person who would think 'ha, that will teach you'
And it appears I'm not wink

Greensleeves Tue 18-Aug-09 15:57:42

There is a HUGE difference between hoping she will learn something and be less competitive, and feeling pleased that it all went wrong for her

women can be psychologically scarred for life by a bad birth - I still have nightmares about ds1's and he's nearly 7

wouldn't you feel better about yourself if you could be kind to her and sympathise? That is more likely to promote a better relationship IMO

Doozle Tue 18-Aug-09 16:03:09

The SIL has been pretty insensitive to wasabipeas in the past so I think she's entitled to a teeny moment of smugness right now.

Greensleeves Tue 18-Aug-09 16:04:04

of course - "she started it" hmm

violethill Tue 18-Aug-09 16:05:16

YANBU for feeling a little bit smug - after all, she set herself up for it by being so vocal about how she'd manage a natural birth no problem etc. Sounds like she thought it would be a piece of cake - er, no, birth without drugs hurts like fuck, specially first time round!

Anyway, I think you should just smile sweetly and ask how her home birth csection went!

kathyis6incheshigh Tue 18-Aug-09 16:06:38

"So she pats her bump and says to her unborn child "you won't have allergies, because I'm going to breastfeed you for the proper amount of time" "

That is so thick of her. BF lowers the child's risk of getting allergies by a small amount (and that's controversial anyway), it's not like some magic bullet that automatically prevents it.

wasabipeas Tue 18-Aug-09 16:07:14

Oh greensleeves, I rather bite my own arm off than be nice to her
The woman is fruit loop and will probably use it as way of telling me about the time she bumped into mother teresa in Tescos and taught her everything she knows about how to be nice
And then wrote a book about it and sent it to Ghandi

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