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AIBU?

My granny thinks I am

30 replies

leftangle · 17/08/2009 12:22

I'm getting married in a couple of months. My mother recently said that she would be holding dd during the ceremony. I gently explained that I thought it would be fairer if mil held her as my mother sees dd about twice a week and mil hardly ever.
My mother lives close by and I will be staying with her the night before the wedding with dd and she will be taking dd to church so it's not as if she doesn't have lots of time with dd. My mother seemed to understand and be happy with this.
Now my granny (mothers mother) has got involved and said how disapointed my mother is and that I should let her hold dd as it's a special occaision and she has done so much for me.
Mother has done a lot for me but all from choice and because she loves time with dd iyswim.
I think it's only fair for mil to have a turn, she loves dd as well but has far less chance for time with her but I'd hate for my mother to be upset.

OP posts:

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leftangle · 17/08/2009 12:23

Arrgh - why are weddings so complicated. I just want a nice day and for everyone else to turn up and have a nice day.

OP posts:

cornsillk · 17/08/2009 12:24

Stick to your guns. Why has your mother been discussing your choice with your granny?

racmac · 17/08/2009 12:24

Cant they sit together? Its likely that dd would want to sit with your mum anyway if she knows her better

notevenamousie · 17/08/2009 12:25

I think the one with the most significant relationship should get to do the good stuff on the day - in this case your mum - how old is your dd?

cocolepew · 17/08/2009 12:25

Would your Dd not be happier with someone she is more used too? I'm sure your mum isn't going to be holding her all day.

pjmama · 17/08/2009 12:25

Yes, sitting them together is a great idea. Kids fidget so she'll probably swap between them anyway - everyone is happy.

And tell Granny to keep her nose out

llareggub · 17/08/2009 12:27

Hmm.

I have the same set-up only it is my mother who hardly sees DS. I don't know how old your DD is but I suspect she might be happier with your mother, who knows her well, than MIL. Your MIL can get to know your DD after the ceremony.

You'll need DD to be happy and comfortable in the ceremony, not trying to wriggle away from MIL to someone she knows.

It is very nice of you to be thinking of MIL though.

SJisontheway · 17/08/2009 12:27

How old is dd? She might be more content with some one she knows well?

cheesesarnie · 17/08/2009 12:28

how long is your wedding would it hurt for your mum to hold the baby for a little?surely your dd will be happier(so quieter) in arms of someone more fimiliar?

im assuming your mil not running off straight after wedding?plenty of time for bonding and cuddles after.

failing stick baby in a sling on your back

QuintessentialShadows · 17/08/2009 12:28

I dont know why are you making issues about WHO is holding your dd during the ceremont.
Isnt it obvious that the child should be held by the person that knows her best and is more comfortable with?

She is not a blooming trophy for any parent to parade about with on the wedding day. She is a person.

You cant make up for contact by letting your Mil parade the baby, that is the sillyest thiing I have heard in a while.

MmeLindt · 17/08/2009 12:28

I agree with sitting together.

How old is your DD? My DB got married this summer and his 1yo DD spent most of the ceremony crawling up and down the steps and waving to the congregation. When she was not being carried by either her mum or her dad.

cheesesarnie · 17/08/2009 12:28

'She is not a blooming trophy' how true

leftangle · 17/08/2009 12:30

dd will only be 6 months. At the moment she's happy with anyone but I'm aware this could change. Sitting them together is a good idea though complicated as mil speaks very little english. Don't think mother was compaining to granny just discussing the day. Yep granny does not have enough to do with herself.

OP posts:

SJisontheway · 17/08/2009 12:31

FWIW I don't think you are being silly. I thing it's nice you are being so thoughtful, but still think she's probably better with your mother.

MmeLindt · 17/08/2009 12:33

My MIL speaks no English but gets on fine with my Mum, always has. Mum speaks a bit of German now but did not when I first met DH.

They communicate with lots of smiles and handsignals. Sit them together, they will bond over you lovely DD.

And tell Granny to keep her beak out.

leftangle · 17/08/2009 12:35

I don't think she is a trophy and if I thought she would be happier with mother (or sister or anyone else) of course that would be who would hold her. But at 3 months (now)she is not expressing much preference.
Dp (h) and I will no doubt have her for a lot of the reception, especially the photos, so the ceremony just seemed like a nice time for mil to hold her.
It seemed logical to me until granny brought up my mother being upset. (not sure that my mother is upset about, it's probably just granny).

OP posts:

oneopinionatedmother · 17/08/2009 12:38

problematic...my dd was to walk down the aisle with us but my |MIL tried to go in with her!

same problem as they don't often see her, but having a child yelling cos its not used to your MIL doesn't make for a relaxing wedding.

do what you like - i think it is fair to MIL for baby to sit with her, thoughas others have said its not a fixed thing....

Greensleeves · 17/08/2009 12:41

if your mother is upset she should talk to YOU about it, you are both adults

it's none of Granny's beeswax

I think it's a lovely idea to let your MIL hold her during the ceremony, it will make the day special for your MIL

leftangle · 17/08/2009 13:59

If my mother is upset she will never admit it to me and almost certainly hasn't to anyone else.

OP posts:

cornsillk · 17/08/2009 14:43

Your wedding, your baby, your choice. Give Granny a wooden spoon to hold.

Runoutofideas · 17/08/2009 14:45

I ended up carrying dd1 (19 months at the time) myself for our entire wedding ceremony. Not through choice I must admit but the noise in the church and all the people looking freaked her out completely and she refused to go to anyone at all other than me. Although my arms ached, it was actually really nice and kind of felt like we were all signing up to be a family together. Just saying, with all the plans in the world your baby may have her own ideas....!

WreckOfTheHesperus · 17/08/2009 14:47

I'd tell your mother that she will be able to enjoy your walk up the aisle and the whole ceremony a lot more if she doesn't have a wriggly 6 month old on her lap.

And would anyone be expected to take your DD out if she kicked off big style? You don't want either your Mother or your MIL to have the flee the church right at the crucial moment...

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WinkyWinkola · 17/08/2009 14:49

OMG. I cannot believe a row has blown up over who holds the baby.

piscesmoon · 17/08/2009 14:52

I can't see that it matters! The one who doesn't have the baby can concentrate more. If they really find it upsetting give them each half time!!

thesecondcoming · 17/08/2009 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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