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to want the inlaws to stay in a hotel?

(112 Posts)
usernametaken Sun 16-Aug-09 19:01:41

DC2 will be born in a few weeks time. The MIL and FIL have planned a visit to us. When they visit DC2 will be somewhere between 2 and 4 weeks old, depending on how late he/she is.

We live in a 2 bedroom house. DH will sleep on the camp bed in DD's room and I will sleep downstairs on the sofa with DC2 in the cot whilst MIL and FIL have our bedroom with ensuite.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that they might want to offer to stay in a hotel? After DD was born I suffered very badly with stitches and a fractured cocyx, whilst DD had severe problems with feeding.

They are staying with us for 5 nights. I can handle 1 or 2 nights of them staying in our house, but 5 nights with a tiny newborn seems too much. They are flying down to see us so will need to be ferried around by car...they don't like driving 'down south'. We are more than happy to take them around but it is the sleeping arrangements that worry me.

I also wouldn't mind if they could help out a bit but they class any visit to us as a holiday so even making a cup of tea themselves is not on their agenda.

What would you do?

themoon66 Sun 16-Aug-09 19:04:05

Oh God. You are so Not Being Unreasonable. You will need your bed and your en suite far more than they do. Tell them hotel or sofa.

pooka Sun 16-Aug-09 19:05:24

Well firstly, you should definitely be in the main bedroom with the en-suite, with the baby. Regardless of where your dh is sleeping. You'll be bleeding, knackered and no way on earth should you be displaced onto sofa! That would be insane.

So they should definitely stay in a hotel. Or sleep 1 on camp bed with your dd and the other on the sofa downstairs, with your dh in with you. Or your dh downstairs on sofa, and your dd in with the PILs.

PLease please do not accept being shunted around the house to accommodate them. That way madness lies....

ruddynorah Sun 16-Aug-09 19:05:51

good lord! they think it's ok that you would sleep on the sofa in the living room having recently given birth. no no no. and no.

who has made these arrangements?

famishedass Sun 16-Aug-09 19:06:07

Instead of waiting for them to offer why don't you offer to put them up in a hotel.

They won't really expect you to ferry them around everywhere after you've just given birth will they shock?

moondog Sun 16-Aug-09 19:07:28

No no no no no.
Absolutely NU.
They need to stay in a hotel.
I would go mental if my dearly departed ILs had stayed with me for that long in my four bedroomed house! shock

No way!

choufleur Sun 16-Aug-09 19:07:52

YANBU. as said previously you can't sleep on the sofa just after giving birth. do you have a tent you could put up in the garden for them wink?

BitOfFun Sun 16-Aug-09 19:07:56

Don't wait for them to offer FFS! Just tell them they need to stay in a hotel. Total no-brainer, I don't know why you are even making this a problem tbh. hmm

That face is for them, not you, btw, but gosh you need to get seriously more assertive in life if you pander to people to this extent.

sunburntats Sun 16-Aug-09 19:08:05

have you spoken to your dh?
have you told him how you feel about this? what does he think?

would be more like a holidya for them if they stayed in a hotel wouldnt it.

hambo Sun 16-Aug-09 19:14:16

It happened yto was 5 weeks old (first one). They stayed in the living room but still I was need privacy to remember how to feed - not a FIL sitting there!! You need to wear a stinky dressing gown - not feel obliged to get dressed!

Be assertive and blame it all on hormones if you have to - even though it is entirely acceptable.

PS maybe they could put the visit back a bit??

usernametaken Sun 16-Aug-09 19:15:25

The inlaws have just assumed that they'll be staying here, no questions asked, they have assumed. Dh is bloody mad with them and has already suggested the hotel 5 mins drive from the house, but oh no, they are coming all this way to see us...
We have offered to pay, I've even offered them my mums house as she is away that week.
The tent for me sounds very appealling in the garden...I would sleep in there!

DD's room could accommodate a few airbeds but she has school when they are here and will be unsettled after being made a big sister a few weeks before hand. I don't really want to disrupt her any more as her life will be disrupted already.

I shall make some more enquiries about hotels so they have a choice of them...they can pick the best.

ActivityApple Sun 16-Aug-09 19:18:53

Message withdrawn

BitOfFun Sun 16-Aug-09 19:19:27

Yes, it's non-negotiable really. Utterly ridiculous of them to expect otherwise.

<leaves shaking head in disbelief>

ActivityApple Sun 16-Aug-09 19:19:40

Message withdrawn

ruddynorah Sun 16-Aug-09 19:21:12

what did they do when your dd was born?

moondog Sun 16-Aug-09 19:21:37

Do not be bullied into having them.
It will cause such stress and bad feelings with you all.
(Lol at old folks' middle of night cuppas)

pooka Sun 16-Aug-09 19:23:24

Your mother's house sounds like a good option, as does the list of suitable hotels. They absolutely need to be made aware, gently if possibly, not so gently if necessary that you do not have the space for them. Surely they know this already, though? Craziness.

FarkinBarkin Sun 16-Aug-09 19:23:38

Present it to them as a done deal. Don't ask whether they will stay in a hotel. Ask them which hotel they would prefer out of the options available to them.

moondog Sun 16-Aug-09 19:26:22

Being with other people 24 hours a day just does your head in, however nice they are, particularly the whole getting up, washed, dressed routine.

I had some Australian friends over recently and I wanted them to stay with me (only here for 3 nights) as haven't seen them for years, but they insisted on a hotel and it was great. We got together at about 11 every day, did fun things, had a good meal and lots of wine and then they cleared orf.

Everyone was happy.

dittany Sun 16-Aug-09 19:27:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

susiey Sun 16-Aug-09 19:29:05

you should say to them that obviously( becuase it is obvious!) they know they will be on the sofa and if they're not happy then they can book into one of the following hotels.

seriously no one can kick you out of your bed so soon after having a baby

Fizzylemonade Sun 16-Aug-09 19:29:36

Agree with all of the above, expecially FarkinBarkin. Just like you would with a toddler, it looks like you are giving them a choice when you are not.

"which hotel would you like to stay in there is X, Y or Z" grin

They cannot stay with you, impossible and rude of them to think they can hmm

moondog Sun 16-Aug-09 19:30:33

Don't even mention sofa as an option. Tis hideous slovenly student type habit at best of times let alone with a new baby.

ruddynorah Sun 16-Aug-09 19:30:59

yes. just talk very matter fact with them. call them up

'so did you have chance to decide which hotel you'd prefer us to book into or shall i choose one for you?'

'oh gosh you weren't serious about staying here were you?! it'll be such a squash! now the travel lodge is meant to really lovely..'

HaggisNeepsnTatties Sun 16-Aug-09 19:33:29

My PILS class any visit to us as a holiday too! Its fact some of the things that they have done when they have stayed with us you would NOT believe....they always descend on us for 2 weeks every Christmas and it has got worse and worse every year to the point that we are not having them this year (they do not know this yet)...will have to break the news soon!! But every Christmas day I end up in tears so this year they can FARK OFF........grin

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