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to refuse my mums kind offer.......But....

(16 Posts)

Ok my mum has never been the greatest of mums, was awful to me when i was younger. As all of her children have grown up and had kids she has bought everyone something towards their new family, prams, moses baskets etc.

Our tumble dryer broke 4 mmonths ago or so and so i hang washing on the line, or take to my sisters houses who let me use their machines as and when i need to, we are currently expecting our first baby in January and so need to get our tumble dryer fixed but.......

She has offered to buy us one and to some degree im quite a proud person and dont want to accept her offer, although i know its her way of making things up to us for how things were when we were kids.

Also I feel terribly guilty as we cant even afford to buy her a present and its her 50th on Monday! I am planning on telling her we have a prssie and will give to her when she visits in November she does live quite a distance away and is very very ill. She has just told me this morning she has kidney and lung disease along with heart disease, am i being a stubborn cow!!

Ok donning hat ready for all your coments now! thankyou everyone!!

missmama Sat 15-Aug-09 09:05:15

Only partly answering your post. But when my tumble dryer gave up the ghost just after DH had been made redundant, my parents bought a dryer and left it on the doorstep, they actually rang the bell and ran, because they knew I had to accept it that way.

Accept the dryer and say thank you - its only a dryer.

As to the pressie, you dont have to buy anything - personal presents are best. Get a photo blown up and get the kids to make and decorate a frame.

DesperateHousewifeToo Sat 15-Aug-09 09:07:53

If money is really tight, you would be better off not replacing the tumble dryer at all, surely? They are very expensive to run. We seem to manage perfectly without one.

I would send a card to your mum. We often hold on to presents until we see people. However, if my mum was very ill, I might make the effort to get something for her that would be easy to post - but if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

yes was thinking of doing something nice for her gift wise this baby is our first and as for cost of running tumble dryer yep its been huge money saver not having it so far....... We got through without it this long.

I was thinking of doing a photo collage of baby scan and me and dh, and the dog for her to put up at home for her pressie soemthing nice and personal.

I just dont want her spending her money on things for us as i have never really relied on my family. I have told her no thanks but she has said the offer will remain open, which is kind of her.

elmofan Sat 15-Aug-09 09:16:40

we are a family of four & i have managed without a tumble dryer for 10years , it was only last year when my washing machine broke i bought 1 of those combi machines but i still only use the dryer part now & again , i think it was very nice of your mum to offer to buy you one & if she is very ill then it might make her feel better to be allowed to get it for you , if you can not afford to buy her a present then maybe you could make a surprise visit to see on her birthday & just give her a lovely card , hope it all works out for you

thanks elmo unfortunately she lives to far awy for an impromtu visit but will get a card sent to her and put together a photo collage of the family, she misses alot of events living so far away.

CyradisTheSeer Sat 15-Aug-09 09:19:33

Message withdrawn

thats the point we dont need one and can get through hanging things around the flat.

elmofan Sat 15-Aug-09 09:34:01

if it makes your life easier i would take her up on her kind offer , it might get a little harder for you in the winter months to dry clothes out on washing line also don't hang wet clothes on radiators anywhere near the baby's room as it will cause dampness in the air & would not be good for your baby's breathing .
before i had the tumble dryer i always put the clothes on an extra spin then when dc's went upstairs to bed i hung the clothes around the radiators downstairs .

MIAonline Sat 15-Aug-09 09:36:05

Your Mum wants to do this for you and I actually think you should let her.

been discussing this with dh as we live in a small flat and so hanging washing would cause dampness i thinkk its clearly something id need to look at thanks for your helps guys!

elmofan Sat 15-Aug-09 09:40:59

good luck & congratulations on new baby smile

mumoverseas Sat 15-Aug-09 10:35:48

agree with missmama and others about the tumbledryer and pressie.
You must send her a card and a little pressie, it doesn't have to be expensive.
Treasure her whilst you have her, particularly as she is ill. I lost my mum nearly 3 months ago, just 2 weeks before I was returning to the UK so she could meet her new baby grandson. I'd give anything to turn the clock back.

Thinking back, my mum probably wasn't perfect when I was a child, but she was my mum, I loved her more than anything and miss her. Your mum is probably trying to make up for any shortcomings you feel she had when you were younger
good luck with your new baby x

zipzap Sat 15-Aug-09 13:58:31

Slight diversion but rather than a tumble dryer, how about one of these heated electric clothes horses that lakeland sell.

I'm guessing they are cheaper than a tumble dryer and they are supposed to be quite cheap to run, albeit not as quick as a tumble dryer.

But could be a good compromise?

Regards getting a present from your mum:
Think back to what you thought when she bought something for your siblings as they grew up - did you want them to accept the present or not? Might help you decide how you feel if you look at the bigger picture.

thanks for the advice guys, we have decided to leave the tumble dryer and buy it ourselves but we will ask if she would like to buy babies travel system as this is cheaper for her when the time comes. Baby is due in Jan and she visits us in November.

I sent her a card with a scratchcard in and told her she will have a pressie when she visits and i cant send it. The card will mean alot to her as i am rubbish at sending cards.

The scratchcard is something she does for us and our husbands every birthday lol so she will have something special in November. smile

landrover Thu 20-Aug-09 12:55:41

thats nice

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