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career before sibling for my son?

(13 Posts)
kalebsmummy Fri 14-Aug-09 12:58:16

Putting career before having a sibling for my son? Would love another baby but would like to further myself before i am only 21 and im hoping to put off a baby for 5 maybe 6years is that too big a gap?

HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 14-Aug-09 13:03:42

For who? for you or for your son?

5 or 6 years means they are unlikely to play together and probably won't get close until they grow up. Or might not get close at all. Who knows? Might not be close if there was only 9 months between them!

OTOH, being older might mean he's less jealous because he understands better.

Or he might be more jealous because he's had you to himself for longer.

It might be better for you to have one much more independent instead of 2 little ones.

Or it might be better to get the baby stuff out of the way in one long go and then it's all done.

I've got 2 with 15 months between them. Worked out well for us. They are close (but they fight a LOT!!) we got all the nappies and stuff out of the way (but it took 6 solid years cos they both have autism!).

Other people have a 5 or even 10 year gap and that's worked out brilliantly for them.

See? there's no better. There's no worse. There's just different ways of doing it.

Reallytired Fri 14-Aug-09 13:06:20

I have a seven year age gap between my two children. My son dotes on his baby sister.

Admitally she isn't a playmate for him, but I think they will enjoy their relatioship as adults. Having a large age gap means that the cost of childcare is less of an issue.

21 is really young and you have plenty of time for more babies. I think getting a career established is a good idea if that is what you want.

anniemac Fri 14-Aug-09 13:12:30

Message withdrawn

CMOTdibbler Fri 14-Aug-09 13:22:34

My friend has a 7 year gap between each of her children - so the oldest is 13 years older than the youngest. Her kids are really close and happy.

MrsMellowdrummer Fri 14-Aug-09 13:33:23

I have a five year gap between my son and daughter. They play together really beautifully (most of the time!), share a bedroom without too many problems, and looking at them now, I am guessing they will grow up to be close. It seems to be my daughter's sole ambition in life to grow up to be just like her big bro.

It's been nice for me too, having time with her while her brother's at school, and my second pregnancy was a lot easier with a five year old rather than a one or two year old to look after. It did give me a few more years in the career that I love as well.

There are pros and cons whatever you do... you just have to weigh it all up, and then be positive about your choice I reckon.

SouthMum Fri 14-Aug-09 14:38:52

Doesn't matter how big a gap you leave. They don't have to have a sibling as a playmate. Besides if the gap is a bit bigger then your son might enjoy a feeling of being responsible for looking after his younger bro or sis (and he can help out more smile)

As others said there are pros and cons to either side. But FWIW I don't think you are putting yur career before your son if you decide towait. You are just postponing things for a little while.

totalmisfit Fri 14-Aug-09 15:12:15

is 4 years a big gap or not? cos that's what we're going to have in a few months. i do hope they'll play together, as dd is desperate for playmates.

chegirl Fri 14-Aug-09 15:31:05

There is a 5 year gap tween DS2 and DS3. They play brilliantly together. DD and DS1 fought like cat and dog and they were two years apart.

There is no science to age gaps.

screamingabdab Fri 14-Aug-09 15:37:34

Yep, no right answers.

juneybean Fri 14-Aug-09 15:41:04

My brother and I have 5 years between us and whilst the teenage years were difficult, we now live together (24 and 29) and get along great.

midnightexpress Fri 14-Aug-09 15:47:32

I don't think there is an ideal, as others say, especially when you are young. My main consideration in terms of your career is that it might be better to do all the baby stuff in one go, iyswim, as you'll still be young once they are at school. With a 5 year gap, in terms of careers you would potentially be disrupting 10 years rather than 5 or 6 if you have a bigger gap.

landrover Wed 19-Aug-09 19:58:20

you are most important

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