to be a TAD p*ssed off with DH's lack of patience?(5 Posts)
Give it to me straight, MNetters <<winces>>
This is long-winded, but I have tried to give as much background as possible so thanks in advance for reading it!
I am a SAHM; DH is a teacher so currently on school hols.
Both my parents have died in the last few years and I am an only child, and I am the last living member of my family, aged 37! Sometimes the grief hits me very hard and I suffer from panic attacks. Usually I can get them under control, but occasionally (like this week) they are really bad and I need DH to calm me down, not leave me alone for a few hours, etc. I haven't discussed this in any detail with my friends in RL as it is just way too personal and upsetting.
I had a horrendous panic attack yesterday when out with DS; had to drive home (not wise, I know) whilst shaking, sweating and definitely not able to see properly (I won't drive in this state again, I promise). This morning, we were out with the kids and DH had to bring me home early as I had another horrendous panic attack.
I think these panic attacks have been brought on partly by the fact that DH is taking DS to visit his family this weekend, and I get nervous about our family not all going on trips together in case something happens (bear with me on this - as I said, I have no other family at all, just DH, DS and DD). For reasons too complicated to explain here, but basically due to DH's family being utterly, utterly rubbish, we cannot all go and visit his family - only DH can go, with one of our kids.
He's been mopey and grumpy ever since this morning; sighing, asking if I was OK to be left with the kids for a couple of hours while he went surfing (I said that I would feel more comfortable if - just this once - he could go once the kids are in bed).
Half an hour ago he just stormed out, saying he needed to get out and couldn't stand being "cooped up" with the kids any longer.
He is on long-term anti-d's for depression which is usually under control, and by golly, I have been sooooo patient over the 12 years that we have been together, taken him to the doctor's when he's been unable to go by himself, encouraged him to have counselling, supported him financially and emotionally through a huge career change .... He is an active man who likes to get out and do something physical every day. But I haven't asked him not to do this today (and I would never try to stop him enjoying himself) - I just asked him to wait a couple of hours!
Am I being unreasonable to expect a bit more support from him when I am feeling at the end of my tether?
(I have made an appointment to see my GP and am going next week, which DH knows about - i.e. he knows I'm going to take charge of this beast and get it under control again).
Thanks again for ploughing through this long and self-indulgent post.
<<Ducks and waits for the flaming>>
Hmmmm. He's not being very supportive basically. I'm not sure what to suggest as you are both going through things and I am no expert on this stuff.
no flaming , that's the last thing you need right now , panic attacks are dreadful & its great that you are going to your gp about them , maybe your dh is also feeling a bit down himself & needs to let off steam , maybe he will only go for a half hour walk to calm down & be back soon , is there any way that you could go with dh & the dc's this weekend & maybe you could stay in a hotel , hope things go ok for you both
Its very very tough - as I'm sure you understand - to look after someone.
Its even tougher when you absolutely don't understandw hat that person is going through...
You know your DH - do you get the sense that he is going out etc because he is being deliberately nasty to you or because he simply doesn't understand why you need him there.
It is very very difficult, for both of you. I'm sure when I was caring for my DH when he had very serious mental health problems that I wasn't as sympathetic and as patient as I could have been - I'd have hated it if people thought I was being unsupportive - I just couldn;t look after him 100% of the time.
Thanks ladies. Had a chat with DH when he came home, and have both got things off our chests ... I needed to vent and you let me, so thank you!
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